Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Please don't steal my kid's diapers

I ran out of diapers today. I was expecting to and wasn't alarmed because I was expecting my diapers.com order to arrive in the evening just before TG's bath.
Unfortunately for today, the UPS tracker says it arrived but I don't have my pretty corrugated box with diapers.com blazoned on the side.
So after her bath, I scrounged around and found, a handful of newborn diapers and size 4 diapers in her play drawer. (Holy cow newborn diapers are hysterically small now.) I also had 5 swim diapers, 1 pair of sample Huggies Good Nites that looked as if two children could fit into it and a handful of Pampers Underjam samples sized for kids 36 lbs and up. My child is 25 lbs on a good meal day.
I slapped an Underjam on my child and prayed she didn't poop before bed or leak overnight.
UPS claims it was left at my door at 6:18pm but I was home at 6:18pm giving my child a bath. I had the door open and was purposefully listening for the doorbell for my much needed shipment.
Now I can only hope 1) my neighbor took in my package or 2) this is a dream (in which, I'd have to say I need to go out more because I'm dreaming about diapers and UPS).
I'd call diapers.com now but I don't want to jump the gun if my neighbor has it. Seriously my regular UPS guy is phenomenal. Lately we've had two or three new delivery guys come by so I'm not sure what's the deal there.
Then there is the ultimate question, why would you steal a box that says 'diapers' all over the darn thing?
I'm keeping my fingers crossed this is a big misunderstanding.
If not, then we are in a sad state of affairs where someone has to steal diapers.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Morning Prayer

Jesus, shine through me and be so in me that every person I come in contact with may feel your presence in my soul. -- John Henry Cardinal Newman

Sunday, August 29, 2010

14 Years and we never had a fight. Hahahahahahahaa

So today is our engagement anniversary. Tomorrow is our coupledom anniversary. I'm splitting hairs though.
Every time this year, if you recall, I cook our traditional, first proposal dinner, steak, yellow rice and peas.
It's just a thing we do every year, for the last 14 years.
This time, we got to share it with our daughter who actually nibbled on some steak for the first time.
When our daughter finally fell asleep, I started thinking about the crazy things I said to myself before child.
We'll never be the couple that speaks only about the children. Ha.
We'll never be the couple who would choose sleep over going out. Ha.
We'll never be the couple that forgets how to be sexy or frivilous. Ha. (Actually, sexy naturally morphs into a different definition. In our case, right now, sexy means we have showered and we don't have a stain on our clothing.)
We'll never forget what it's like to be just a couple without kids. Ha.
It's not all bad though. Yes, I sometimes miss just us.
I miss not having to be one step ahead of planning because with a kid you never know.
I miss being carefree and grabbing just my atm card and a lip gloss and heading out.
I miss being able to sit and not wonder what time it is.
I miss being able to sit on the couch with my husband and watch a 30 minute program in its entirety without pausing it. (or rewatching the first ten minutes a week later when I can finally catch the entire episode).
I miss being able to sleep in late and cuddle with him.
I miss being able to take a personal day and let it be a personal day for me.
I miss rolling over and snuggling with my husband.
I miss being able to grab his tush just because.
But for everything I miss, I know it's still there.
We don't get to sit and veg or even sleep together most nights but when we do, even though it's brief, we can laugh and know we both feel the same way.
When I wished my husband a happy anniversary, I told him that I can't believe it's been 14 years since he carved my name on the rock.
He responded, "I do because I couldn't love you now the way I do if it wasn't."
I guess he's right.
Happy Happy, Baby. I'm so glad you carved my name on that rock.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Shoo, Fly, Don't Bother Me

My daughter is not fond of flies. A fly landed on her while eating five days ago.
Ever since, every time she sees a flying insect in our house she screams, "Fly Shoo!" and then runs to me.
Her newest thing is either carrying a rolled up piece of construction paper or her broom or duster as a weapon.
So I tried to teach her Fly Shoo isn't the fly's name but rather a way to tell the fly to scram.
So I sang Shoo Fly with animation and movements. (I had no idea I was so talented.)
She just looked at me as if I was making up a song and doing some crazy dance, which she has been doing nowadays.
My favorites is 'Mommy and the Daddy'. (I'd sing you the lyrics but I just wrote them.)
So I looked up Shoo Fly on youtube, like any modern day parent, and showed her a bunch of toddlers singing shoo fly.
She wasn't entertained. However, I stepped out of the room to grab her a glass of water and when I returned she was in hysterics asking for me to replay the last video.
I thought, great she liked the last one.
I hit reload and to my surprise, she had somehow clicked onto this lovely 'Shoo Fly'.

Great, now my daughter is finding pleasure in the destruction of a housefly.
Should I be worried?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Allergy Season Shoo

It's end of summer allergy season and my sinuses are beyond inflamed.
It's awful. I've been battling a major headache due to sinus congestion all day.
Unfortunately you can't explain to your toddler why you are walking around as if you are smelling something foul all day.
I'd neti but after that awful neti I had at the beginning of the summer, I'm petrified.
I'll suck it up and do it though, I know if I do it right it will make me feel better.
I hope my toddler doesn't get my sinus allergies.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


My husband took a picture of TG and her two best buddies on one of her buddy's toddler bed. I received it on my phone as I was finishing one of the last meetings of the day. Last meetings of the day means the rest of the day is spent catching up on what I couldn't do while in meetings and making a list and tackling what I need to do from the meetings. In other words, it's a hectic time of focus and stay focused.
That photo though not only gave me the biggest smile of the day but it also highlighted how my baby isn't a baby anymore. It was like three buddies on a bed, chilling.
Then the idea that a photo of her and two boys on a bed in a few years will probably set off other emotions in my head.
I remember when I was kid hanging out on my friend's bed. I don't recall specifics but I do recall how happy and fun and just pure joy it was being with your friends. I hope to God she has strong bonds and friendships. In this crazy high speed, fly by night world, a few good buddies are hard to fine.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Bought my daughter a pretend acoustic guitar so she can emulate her favorite musician, Justin Roberts.
The kid loves this thing. She doesn't want anyone touching it but herself. She is in awe of this thing and strums along to her favorite tunes.
She even said, "Guitar. Justin Roberts. And Microphone." She pretends the handles on her scooter is a microphone. It's really adorable.
I think we may even bring the guitar with us to have him sign it at his next concert.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I'm not a biker but for my child I will be

Took a very leisurely and long day bike riding today with TG and DH. Surprisingly it was the first time all summer we three had a biking excursion together. I'm sorry we waited this long.
TG was beaming all day. She didn't stop talking about "mommy and daddy" and "daddy and mommy". She loved it.
We rode down the bike path on riverside park. We stopped by fairway so TG could play with the fountains. She was there for perhaps an hour. We had lunch (whole wheat pizza & squashy stars) then rode towards the annual kite flying festival on 70th.
By the time we arrived, TG was fast asleep. We rode to 59th then cut across to Broadway to buy DH a new pair of sunglasses and then made our way back to Riverside.
We stopped at Hippo playground to play for a while in the sandbox and then made our way home.
TG passed out promptly at 8pm but not before telling us at dinner about "Mommy bicycle" and "Daddy bicycle".
If I can stand tomorrow I'm definitely hoping for another impromptu ride.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Thankful thoughts today

God loves me and made me who I am.
I am thankful for the blessings he has bestowed upon me and my family.
We are for the better because of God and am thankful we have the opportunity to be in a relationship with him.
Hallelujah, Glory Be! I'm in the dev box!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

My heating pad is my best friend

I hurt my back. It's not terrible but I'm having super weird spasms in the lower region. I'm taking that as a warning if I don't take care of it it will get worse.
I spent the afternoon on my back.
DH ordered Indian and we ate a delicious dinner in the living room together.
I asked DH to help with nighttime parenting and he stayed with us as I nursed her. DH set up the heating pad so I had it pressed on my back and I stayed against the wall all night. If TG asked for a back rub, DH attended to it. If TG needed a diaper change, DH took care of it. He even explained to TG that Mommy didn't feel well and that we'd have to stay in one place to nurse.
DH doesn't really cover nighttime parenting since infancy. It was nice to have some help.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Honey, pick up diapers and underpants. Explain l8r. LU

While visiting my mother for the engagement dowry feast, I ran out of diapers. I thought the diapers I brought plus the back up in the trunk of the car would suffice. Sadly, I forgot the DH factor where the back up supply wouldn't be where it is normally located.
So I had to send DH out to buy some diapers.
That's not the funny part.javascript:void(0)
Well, I also had a certain aunt visiting and well, let's just say I was ill prepared. So I had to send him out for a new pair of underpants for me.
I love my man very much but never send a man out to buy underwear outside of Victoria Secret.
He came back with the largest pair of underpants I have ever seen. I think my maternity underpants look like thongs compared to these bad boys.
"They had those or some that were extra absorbent. I figured those would do."
The waist is so high, it can hold up my itty bitty ninnies. Who needs a push up bra. You've got the all in one underpants.
DH didn't realize just how big they were until I walked out of the bathroom at home and showed him. He couldn't stop smirking.
Thanks honey.
I'll have you know I have now dubbed these the sexy panties.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I love youuuuuuuuuuu

My child has started to sneak in close to me and whisper, 'I love youuuuuu." In a sing songy way as if she is a little embarrassed.
It's not one of those requested I love yous. I comes out of the blue. We'll be playing or reading or getting ready for bed and she just turns to me, gets really close to me and says it as if it's a secret.
Oh my gosh, that's all I need.
I am mush.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Moms just want to help

think I know why I like to keep my business to myself and not involve my mother. At first I thought it might be a judgment thing. I love my mom but like all moms, especially Chinese moms, you show love by telling your child how they can improve. I thought I kept things to myself to avoid the 'well you should have done this' talk.
Actually I think I'm reserved because as much as my mom loves me and wants to help things she has a tendency to exponentiate the item.
It comes from my maternal grandmother's side. I do it sometimes too. You sit there and think about something so much that it inflates. The next thing you know you have a billion Chinese people who know your situation offering solutions.
The other issue is like all good moms she tries to offer a solution when all you want is an ear. Guys do this to. It's the hunter gather instinct I suppose. See problem. Fix problem.
The final component is sometimes the issue is of another world to her. Things are black and white but not all the time and trying to explain the intricacies is difficult. The stock response is that it is a generational thing. Perhaps it is but it could also be personalities.
I don't know what it is but in the end I love my mom very much and even though I don't hold that Lifetime channel relationship she desires I am proud of her and proud to call her mom.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I wish

I aspire for many things for my daughter like all parents do. I want so much for her and pray daily for her continued growth and strength. I also pray for a strong bond. I know its asking a lot. DH and I are known to be insular.
One of the biggest challenges of being a parent for me is to be a role model. A child watches your every move. In order to set a good example I need to do what's right in my heart. That means for me trying things or doing things for the betterment of me and my child. She pushes me to be better for me and her.
Everyday she grows and becomes wiser and smarter and more well rounded.
In the process, so do I.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Rare discussion on an online store.

I use drugstore.com. I'm sure I could find prices that are cheaper elsewhere but for convenience and the never ending drugstore dollars I keep earning, has kept me coming back.
I have been tempted to use soap.com though as they are the sister company of diapers.com and I love the 48 hour delivery service for diapers. Again, I'm sure I can find a better deal on diapers elsewhere but for convenience I've used diapers.com on more than one occasion.
When I first heard soap.com was opened I was pretty excited at the prospect of one shopping cart for two stores. That was until I looked at the prices for some of their items.
Good grief, the prices were double some of the prices I saw at drugstore and drugstore isn't cheap.
I figured until they work the kinks out, I'm holding off on ordering anything from soap.com.
Well, they got me to order something.
They sent me a promotion where I would receive 15% off diapers for 6 months if I ordered just one from soap.com.
How could a mom pass that up. Diapers aren't cheap and they seem to only get more expensive as your child grows.
So I vowed to ordered the bare bones and only items that were within reasonable price to their nearest competitor.
I found several items that I needed that seem to be within a reasonable price and purchased them. The same day, I figured I might as well complete my drugstore.com order as well.
I didn't do this intentionally but household supplies were on the brain.
I figured soap.com would arrive first and probably by the end of the week I would receive my drugstore.com order.
Low and behold, both orders came in at the same time today, within 24 hours of initial order.
Is drugstore.com revamping their delivery and pricing? I'm really impressed.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I heart my husband

I love my husband very much. I know together we were destined to be and God has a plan for us.
I sometimes wish I could show him just how much I love him.
I know he knows but I also know lately I've been a major crankypuss. Tension and stress is getting to me.
I need to be more like Mary and less like Martha.

Sunday, August 15, 2010


I have alot of tension right now. Ok when do I not?
Right now I'm praying a lot for peace.
In my line of business if you do not know I exist then I'm doin my job. I know this and I pride my work in this. I'm the person behind the curtain.
Unfortunately when you have folks who don't understand this they question your worth.
I am valuable.
I am an asset.
I am someone you want on your team.
I don't need acknowledgement.
I don't need praise.
Just know there are folks that are here that do phenomenal work and that you need us. You want us to help you.
We are your feet paddling furiously underwater so you can glide gracefully.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Foot kick equals ouch

Two nights in a row TG has roundhouse kicked me in the face. I'm not happy about this. Both times she chuckled. Both times I covered my eyes and said,"Mommy sad. Mommy hurt."
Usually this illicits empathy and contrition. Both times it took additional talk to receive an apology.
I will say those kicks were the last straw for me both nights.
I was beginning to lose it and think I was going to search for the return policy for my toddler when I realized the kicks were the culprit and that I was in serious need of a mom's night out.
Thank goodness one of my fellow moms had the same idea and yesterday night after another roundhouse kick to the face I left TG with DH and put on some pumps and headed out for sangrias with some mom friends.
I so needed the night and great conversation. The laughter wasn't gut wrenching, except for the time one mom demonstrated the reporting skills of one our favorite local newsman. Still the commiseration was great.
I need to do that more often.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I wanna hold your hand

TG has started to want and desire to hold my hand. Having your child's tiny warm hand enclosed around yours is one of the best feelings in the whole world.
In the past she wanted to be free and explore. She also needed her hands to maneuver and brace for falls.
Now she reaches out to me to hold her hand every now and then.
She also knows that she must hold our hand when crossing the street or a parking lot.
With this new found bond I've also noticed she is more aware of my departures and not very keen on them.
In the past she happily saw me off and kissed me and hugged me. She would even instruct dh to kiss and hug me.
For the past two days she's been a wet sobbing mess. Big bright glistening eyes stare back at me like a sad puppy dog.
You'd think I feel bad. I do but not that much. 1. She's with DH. 2. I need the break.
I admit I need something outside of mommyhood and wifeydom. I love both roles. I just need more.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

PSA: Gift Card Balance Score

I give TG the used gift cards we receive as 'cards' for her wallet. I accidentally picked one up and checked the balance and found it had $46.00 on it. Score a few pairs of jeans at Old Navy for TG.
Check your cards before you give them to your kids.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Paper, Glue and Scissors

I was able to get some memory book time in on Sunday when DH took TG out for a bike riding hunting for dinner. We rarely eat out so it was a nice chunk of time just for me while they were away.
I was able to finish December 2008-March 2009 of TG's memory book. I need another block of time like that to hopefully make it to at least July 2009.
I'm giving myself until December to be caught up. I need to be aggressive about this if I am to make my deadline.
DH asked me why memory books aren't books that you make presently about the past. "Why are you making a book about the present for the future?" Honey, at this rate the present is the past.
I suppose I could make my life easier and use the grandparent presents as the memory book. For the past two years, we've given the grandparents memory collages or books or calendars. I'm probably going to keep this tradition but I want something unique for the grandparents and unique for TG.
That's the Mothra coming out of me.
It's not as active as it once was but it's still there, lying dormant with only an occasional stir between hibernation.
As I started to pull my memory book gear out, TG got the excited look of a mini-Mothra. She loves anything arts and craftsy that requires tools. She will stop what she's doing whenever she sees me pull out the blue blotter and paper crimper and paper cutter.
I am thrilled I may have a mini-Mothra but at the same time DH is terrified at what bedazzled concoction he may have to wear in the not so distant future.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The potty library

I just bought a crap load of potty books. We're not officially ready to say we are potty learning but we've been talking a lot about the potty lately. TG currently has two potty books but I figure the more the merrier. I figure if I'm going to be in the bathroom for an extended period of time with TG, I might as well have an arsenal of books to read while there. I usually buy my books used as I feel that it's a good way to lower my carbon footprint but something about potty books compels me to buy new books.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Telenovelas got nothing on us

Family drama is family drama. Every family has it in some shape or form.
For some reason in my family, family drama comes in clusters. As if one drama isn't enough to bear, we get it from multiple fronts.
As a girl, I take it all emotionally. As a guy, my husband just goes on a rant on why things have to be so complicated.
At this point we can't even say you handle your side, I'll handle mine. We kind of have a trifecta effect going on right now.
We're back to back and tackling each one as a team.
Probably poorly but we're trying.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Love at first bite

So my daughter and I are being attacked by mosquitoes. It's quite awful.
I keep asking my husband to stop leaving the screens open but he complains that with the screens on we don't get a breeze.
So every night, the Chinese buffet opens up and the mosquitoes feast on us. They feast mostly on TG because 1) she doesn't like to sleep with anything but her diaper on and 2) she's a mix of Chinese and Spanish. Heck, that's a yummy buffet if I can call it.
Every morning, she wakes up and points to the new bite she found and then says, "medicine?"
DH doesn't see the problem but it's just darn annoying.
Why can't he keep the screens closed?

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.

I'm thinking of selling my shoes.
Since becoming mommy I wear three pairs of shoes at best. It's pathetic but practical.
The problem with selling my shoes now is that it requires me to take my shoes out and photograph them and post them.
I can't even find time to finish my child's memory book. How the heck am I going to find time to post pictures of the billion pairs of shoes I have?

Friday, August 06, 2010

Time to meditate again.

Lately, I've been extremely stressed out.
I think part of it stems from how I'm always on the go.
As soon as I come home, I'm in wifey mode. I'm cleaning the house, cooking and starting to plan for the next day (lunches, pack bags, etc). Right after dinner, it's nighttime parenting mode. In between nighttime parenting mode, I'm back to wifey mode trying to spend time with DH while cleaning the house and finishing the preparations for the next day.
It's a never ending cycle.
I'm not complaining. I chose this and I'm ok. I'm just tired.
It's hard being responsible for cooking, prepping, taking out the trash, dishes, appointments, schedules and the lot.
I think it's time for a massage. It's a temporary fix but I think a much needed one.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

I'm a planner or just an anal retentive crazy person

Within the XY folks, there is a missing branch. That branch contains the realization that planning is involved in any 'impromptu' trip with kids.
Sure you can wake up in the morning and decide to go on a long bike ride with your kid. It can be done. However, unless your kid doesn't have any kid-like tendencies of having food preferences and advance notice of anything, you're best bet for a smooth morning is to plan ahead. That means making sure you have snacks and maybe lunches ready. That means making sure the bikes are ready and helmets are found.
That is why I'm up in the morning, collecting picnic blankets, swim suits, towels, making dough for lunch calzones and ranting about how you need to make plans.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

I just want to go to bed too, honey but dishes don't do themselves.

This is a rant.
Once it's out of my system, I can move on.
I understand that I will always be the one who takes care of most of what folks call the mundane things in life.
I will always be the one who cooks.
I will always be the one who prepacks for trips.
I will always be the one who will do the dishes.
Fine. I was a girl scout. I am anal retentive. I get it.
I married a man who is the complete opposite and I knew what I was getting myself into.
But every now and then it just gets to be too much.
I understand my lot in life.
I accept it.
What I don't like is when I'm told, "I'll take care of it."
Because in the end, I am the one who takes care of it.
That statement usually comes out after I make a statement about how there is so much to do or that in today's example, how a fellow mom suggested I go upstairs and decompress while DH and her watch the kids.
I kindly responded, "If I go upstairs, I'm not going to decompress. I'll see the house a mess and start cleaning that up while figuring out what to make for dinner. Essentially night time parenting will begin and I won't have a free time to decompress until everyone is asleep. For now, it's nice to sit here and watch the kids play."
That's when I heard, "Relax. I'll take care of cleaning up."
It's just the act of the flippant phrase that ticks me off the most.
It's as if it's no big deal and that it will get done so why bother.
And it's so nonchalantly used that it's as if he says it to say it.
I know he means it but actions speak louder than words.
I'd much rather he not say anything and not do anything than say something and not do anything.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Breastfeeding: 2 years and counting

It's World Breastfeeding Week.
Yes, I'm still nursing.
Some of you may be disgusted.
Some of you may give me a hug.
I understand either way.
I am pretty proud of myself actually.
I had such a hard time in the beginning and to be able to continue nursing makes me feel like Super Woman.
I actually think continued nursing has helped my daughter fight off a possible contraction of the Coxsackie Virus. Even my doctor alluded to immunities possibly passing off to her allowing her to be virus free compared to several of her close friends.
I still have my battles though and alot of them are internal battles you rarely read or hear about.
You occasionally hear about folks refraining from discussing continued nursing. For me, when I first started nursing, I had these huge groups of women in my neighborhood where we could find support and solace. Then as the months carried on, the group became a circle and then the circle became smaller and smaller.
To date, I think I may have two friends who are continued nursers. One in particular, I feel comfortable talking with and sharing my experience with.
It's still a 'hush hush' kind of thing though.
Funny thing is I don't feel ashamed about it yet it's something you just don't talk about in general.
Anyway, the one thing that is even harder to discuss is how continued nursing affects your relationship with your partner.
Some partners are ok with it.
Some partners are not.
Some partners will try to be supportive yet question it.
How do you deal with that?
It goes along the lines of different parenting types.
It's hard to discuss and reach an amiable conclusion.
For what it's worth, I have a great husband who is supportive but questions it. I think that's normal.
It can be a bone of contention between the two of us but I think at the end of the day we are just trying to do what's best for our child.
Do I know when nursing will end? No.
Does this scare my husband? Yes.
I don't see it going past 3. Most books I read say that natural weaning happens around this time. I think that's fine.
If I decided I'm done with nursing and want to stop, I think I will.
Right now though, I'm enjoying the time and I find it beneficial so I plan to continue.
I know DH and I will have another 'discussion' on it. For now though, I still find the benefits are visible and I'm happy, my child's happy and I want to continue. Now, if I can somehow make my husband happy.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Being human

For what it's worth, I'm not a mean person. I think I'm a fairly nice person and probably a push over. I will say that I don't like people though.
It's not that I don't like people. I don't like having my bubble burst. I guess I idealize people and when I find out that they are merely human, it upsets me. So to protect myself I keep a distance and prefer to keep to myself.
I mention this for the second time because I'm hitting that point in a parent's life where your kid has a friend and you may not necessarily like their parent.
Ok, she's still young. We still have a say on who their friend is and who isn't.
That's not the point.
I like the kid. I like the parents. I just don't love the parents and unfortunately I think the parents, ok, one parent, really loves our kid and us.
There isn't anything wrong with them. They are nice folks. I just like to keep my space.
There is another thing that irks me but I'll refrain from going into details. It involves chain of events and it's not worth discussing as several other moms have voiced the same thing I suspected.
Anyway, so my dilemma is this, how do I swallow my personal preference and comfort zone and not let this affect my child's relationship with another child?
At mass the readings on Sunday were God telling me that this is one of my tests. I know it.
"All his days sorrow and grief are his occupation; even at night his mind is not at rest. This also is vanity." -- Ecc 2:23
"If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts."
"Put to death, then, the parts of you that are earthly" -- Col 3:5
“Take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.” -- Lk 12:13-21
It's like the story my priest once told me of a nun who spent her life with another nun. They appeared to be best of friends. One day one of the two passed on and as they were consoling the surviving nun, she said that she never liked the other nun but felt God wanted her to love everyone and so she felt it was her lot in life to love her more than anyone for God.
Now, I'm not saying that this is as harsh of a test. Still, I need to learn how to get along with folks, today and in the future, I may not have a fancy for.
It's easier to care for someone who is distant than to care for someone who is near.