Friday, July 26, 2013


There is a pet peeve I have. I don't like to go to bed with the kitchen a mess. I prefer to have the sink clean before I go to bed.

When I cook, which is 80% of the time, this is done.

When my husband cooks, he says he'll do it in the morning but he never does.

He bought us a dishwasher saying, "You do a better job cooking. I'll clean up."
This does not happen.

What he doesn't understand is how a dirty kitchen in the am starts the day chaotically.
Instead of tackling breakfast, I need to tackle a dirty kitchen.

For me, if I can prepare the things I can before, it lends to a smoother execution. 
I pack bags before.
I make shopping lists.
I schedule my to dos.

Yes, there are spitballs that are thrown.
A dog pukes.
A kid poops.
But if all the other things are prepared as much as possible, I'm not scrambling.

My husband does not see it this way.
For him, why worry about these things. Just do it when you have to.
This lends to his chaotic and frenetic and often tardy execution.

He can't stand watching me prepare.
I can't stand his lack of preparation.

Most days, I suck it up and do it. God put us together to balance each other. 
Some days like today, I call a time out.

I just threw a bowl of cold cereal and milk to my kid.
I'm not making breakfast because the kitchen is a mess.
I'm not planning to clean it…….now.
I wanted to make breakfast, lunches and snacks and pack them for an outing with the kids.
Guess, I'll pack ready snack in the fridge and call it.

We have a tight budget  and we don't generally enjoy the prepackaged foods. I hate to resort to restaurants today but I just can't today.

Now, what do I mean I'm not planning to clean it ……. now?

Well, you see, my husband I guarantee you will not clean the kitchen.
I will come home and it will be same or in worse condition.

I will come home with two tired and hungry kids and need to make dinner for us and will need to clean it up.

But, pg, just leave it. Eventually he will have to clean it up.

Now, that's where it becomes a degree of acceptance situation.
Wandy Sykes had a set about this.
The person cleaning up the crap is the person with the least degree of tolerance of the situation.

I'm fairly certain, my husband would leave our kitchen looking like crap so long as he could go out to buy paper plates or other utensils.

Case in point: He bought me a stove that is a bitch to do a thorough cleaning on. I asked him nicely to clean it………… in January. It still has not been cleaned. 

I bought thermal darkening shades for the kids room while I was pregnant with #2. I asked him to put them up. #2 is 20 months old. Still no shades.

I asked my husband to change the oven light so the kids can sit and watch the cookies rise when baking. We've watched youtube videos to demonstrate rising.

Now, my brother once said, "Men hate Honey Do Lists."

I retort, but I have not made a list. These were requests randomly made months ago at separate times. What the hell am I to do? Do it myself?

Now, I don't accept my husband response of, "I'm with the kids all day."

He's a great dad but come one.
I'm not here to brag or compare but let's compare.

I do all the cooking (short order sometimes, as I have 2 picky eaters (1 adult, 1 child).
I do all the household shopping.
I do the childrens', household and my own laundry.
I tidy up every day.
I handle nighttime parenting.
I handle all school paperwork, planning, coordinating.
I handle all enrichment class research, registration and sometimes even chauffeuring to.
I handle all party planning, rsvp'g, gift buying.
I handle all vacation planning and coordination.
I handle all doctors' appointment scheduling and maintenance.

"Fine, I can spend time with the kids or keep the house clean."

It's not about keeping the house clean and I hate the cop out answer. It's so guilt ridden.

I don't understand why he can't throw me a bone and do a load of dishes (in the dishwasher) while I'm getting the kids to bed.

I don't understand how when I ask him to read a story to our daughter as I get our son to bed, he gives me gruff.

In short, as soon as I come home, he clocks out. He sits in front of his computer and checks out.

I get it. Being a parent to two kids under six is hard and tiring. I get it.

But I can't punch out. My family needs me. Kids need to be fed. Lunches need to be made for school the next day. Clothes need to be laid out. 

It's unfair.