Thursday, August 31, 2006

Hysterical [as] bump

"In a story reported by BBC News

The British government is taking measures to crack down on "cyber-bullying" or bullying that occurs via the internet or mobile phones.



What happened to the good old days of wedgies from the overweight kid who'd been kept back three grades and whose only life achievements included being able to belch as high as he could count, the peach fuzz he pretended was a moustache, and picking on anybody who was smaller / smarter than him / everyone? BULLYING ON THE INTERNET!?

Come on now! When we were kids you had to die or at least lose an arm before you got to cry. Our grandparents fought a World War. Our parents lived through segregation and Vietnam. Even our sad generation survived hair bands. Now the worst thing these lily assed fat crybaby pants bitch kids have to face is a damn text message. That's why this generation will grow up to be a bunch of whiney, self indulgent, apathetic, losers. These kids don't get beat. Apparently not even by their bullies. When we were kids you got beat four.... maybe even thirty-four times a day. Seriously, we don't even need to discuss all the benefits of frequent ass-whoopings. You see first there's the actual ass-whooping itself. They called this "negative reinforcement." Secondly, there's the shame of having had your asswhooped. Third would be the satisfaction experience by the person who gets to do the whooping.

And fourthly there are the positive externalities experienced by the whole community as a result of someone's whining misbehaving ass having been whooped. It's a science people. Spankings work. Just ask us, the people telling you this. Every single beatings we received instilled within us a set of real beliefs and values. Values like:
• Respect your elders
• Be kind to your siblings
• Don't ask Daddy questions when he's drinking
So parents, please, beat your kids. For all our sakes. We recommend using a stick. Not only is it worse, but then you can say I never laid a hand on you. And get your kids off the damned interweb. Let 'em read a book or play some football or lay some concrete. We've found that the small hands of a child are perfect for cleaning out gutters. Give 'em a ladder and a helmet and send their little behinds to the roof.
Whatever. Just get those overly fragile, thin skinned, ninnies outside and toughen them up for the crap filled future ahead of them.

By the way Standards we know you're reading this and thinking, "Whoa those guys are advocating spankings, and beatings and sticks. This is offensive." Come on people. It just jokes. Horribly bad jokes. Jokes that really aren't even funny. Really it's only for people with Tivo and a complete lack of anything else to do. But here:


Because we do not advocate HAVING children. They're not in our demographic. We support the use of contraceptives, plastic wrap, and duct tape. But if you do have children, then by all means consider beating them. Because it might do them some good and you'll most certainly want to. Now, how about we stop all the bitching over who is offending who and try to suck it up and be a better role model for those poor little British bastards getting their butts kicked in. This opinion does not reflect the opinion of Turner Warner, Cartoon Network, Adult Swim or any of our advertisers. There. That ought to clear things up and make everyone happy so no one has to go suing anybody.
[adult swim]"

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I'm a hot toe picker

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Whatever happened to Carrie Ingalls?

Over the summer I developed a challenge to watch every Little House episode. As of today, I have past the halfway mark, 59% to be exact.

I didn’t really start out with the goal in mind. For some reason, I flipped to a Little House episode that led to a discussion on how Pa could do no wrong. He’d hold 3-4 jobs yet he was always home when the girls needed him. Heck, he could practically do anything you needed. Need to help a recovering addict? Ingalls could do it. Need a roof fixed? Ingalls could do it. Need someone to save a blind kid from a raging fire? Ingalls could do it. Need someone to befriend the town outcast? Ingalls could do it.

He did it all without questioning, except for the time Jason Bateman was shot by a bank robber.

Anyway, this one episode led to a long conversation about the townsfolk of Walnut Grove. Anyone else notice towards the end the Ingalls adopted every child that wasn’t still attached by the umbilical cord? Caroline probably had to cook her own breakfast on Mother’s Day. I know Mother’s Day did not come to exist until later on. Nels was a saint to put up with Harriet, Nellie, Willie and Nancy. The Reverend got married but we never saw his wife ever again. The Doc was old in the beginning and still old in the end. Kevin Hagen rest in peace.

With our programs on hiatus and a need for nostalgia, we started watching Little House again. Now, I’m not saying that every episode is award winning. The stories follow the same outline. Pa cries, Ma cooks, Mary screams, Half Pint runs, Carrie whines. It’s all good though. It’s predictable and wholesome. I’m surprised PAX hasn’t picked them up.

When I was younger I started reading the Little House series but dropped it for Nancy Drew and the Anne of Green Gables series. I still remember sitting there by the television watching Little House and The Waltons with my grandparents though.

Two weeks ago, I started wondering how many episodes had I seen already. I started a checklist and realized that I was nearing the 50% mark. Since I was able to see over 50% so quickly, I figured why not try for the whole kit and caboodle. It’s getting difficult now though. Work has been consuming my entire day. In addition and in all honesty, there is only so much wholesome goodness one can consume before they begin to feel too saccharine-like.

I also have an issue with the later episodes of Little House. Maybe it’s because I’m watching them all out of order but who the hell are all these new people and why are they so annoying? Why are their so many new people yet Doc and the Reverend still look the same age? Why does Manly annoy me? Is it the doe eyes that bother me or is it his straw blonde hair? Is it me or does everyone in the Wilder family look as if they were spawned from different parents?

Anyway here are a list of characters from Little House I enjoy the most:

1. Nels Oleson
2. Percival Dalton aka Isaac Cohen
3. Albert Ingalls (the street smart one pre-country bumpkin)
4. Lars Hanson (pre-stroke/heart attack)
5. Jack the dog
6. Black Jake aka Nels Oleson as an outlaw

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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Hallelujah Blogger upgrades to come.

Ok, I'm probably slow on the take on this one. Forgive me but paying the bills has been the focus of late.

Blogger upgrades are coming guys. Praise the blogger beings!

Of interest to many, categories will be available for your entries.

If you're a beta tester, please give me the skinny.

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Steak, Yellow Rice and Peas

Yesterday I said I would explain why my husband chose August 29th to propose. The answer is simple, he wanted to propose to me 5 years to the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course, the day he asked me to be his girlfriend was August 30th.

There is much debate on the exact date really. Lrudlrick took me to a rock in the park where he carved our names sometime near or after midnight. The details are sketchy but I do recall coming home that evening to see a newsflash on Princess Diana’s car crash. I suppose the date is either August 30th or August 31st.

Since he carved our names on the rock on the 30th, we use the 30th as the date. To complicate things, something happened with the plans with SeaWorld and the 29th was the only available day.

I know it is odd to celebrate the day we went steady but it honestly is a more significant day for me than my wedding day. I had never been asked by someone to be exclusive until Lrudlrick. There was something about how he explained or rationalized how we should be together that stuck in my mind. He was so confident and sure that we would be together forever. All I could do was trust him.

Every August 30th, we make plans to celebrate the date. We do not give each other gifts but share a special meal together, steak, yellow rice and peas.

I cooked this meal the night my husband first proposed to me. He first proposed to me in October, 2 months after he asked me to go steady. Nowadays, he remarks that if I just trusted him then we would be that much closer to the golden anniversary.

We were sitting at the table eating when he turned to me, dropped his knife and fork and asked me. He even wanted to go down on his knees. Of course being Pantrygirl, I laughed so hard, rice almost flew out of my mouth. It was not that he was proposing that made me laugh it was that he was proposing to me so soon. It seemed absurd. Again, he was so confident and sure that this was right.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t sure about us. Actually, the thought of marriage hadn’t come into my mind. I was enjoying being with someone that made me feel like I could do anything. I wasn’t ready to think about settling down and having a family. I’m still not.

After that night, I realized that this relationship meant more to him than me and although I loved him, I really had to think more seriously about us. Lrudlrick didn’t bring up marriage again for 5 more years. He once mentioned that he knew he’d have to pass the 4 year threshold of my last long term relationship before I knew he was here for the long haul.

How was my husband so certain that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with? How was he so sure when I wasn’t and why does it feel like it just hit him one day while brushing his teeth? It was very matter of fact.

I suppose I realized he was the one in a similar fashion. It’s not as if you sit there and pro/con it. It just is. You just realize. This is the person that you want to spend the rest of your days with. This is the person that you want to take this crazy ride of life with.

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Why my In-laws should retire in FL instead of PA

I had a dream last night I was laid off. According to the online dream interpretation site: “Fired: To dream that you are fired from your job indicates that you are wanting to end some relationship or situation in your waking life. It also suggests that you are repressing what you really desire most.”

I couldn’t find ‘laid off’ in the guide.

Personally, I think being ‘laid off’ is worse than getting fired. ‘Laid off’ to me means you’re doing your job, we like you but you’re the low man on the totem pole so we have to let you go. ‘Fired’ means you’re not doing your job so don’t expect a recommendation.

After yesterday’s post, Lrudlrick told me that he was willing to drop everything now and let me quit my job. “We’ll move and you can do your cooking and charity work. You like doing that stuff.” Coming from Lrudlrick it sounds like I’m a lady who likes to lunch. I guess there are worse things.

It felt really good to hear that he was willing and understanding. It's a big sacrifice and it was surprising but reassuring to hear I had support for whatever I decided to do. “Now is the time to do it. If you want to leave the rat race, do it now and figure out what you want in life before we finalize the kid or no kid thing.”

It made me realize how much we’ve grown and how much we will continue to grow together.

I’m not just ready to drop my career but it’s nice to know that I have the support if I decide to switch gears.

It’s actually appropriate as today is our 5th anniversary of our engagement. On this day at approximately 8:45pm, Lrudlrick proposed to me for the second time.

He had planned a long vacation to Orlando. The plan was to hit every amusement park while we were still young and without a brood to hold us back from acting like kids. We drove down in our CRV, C-3. We took shifts and made it there in less than 19 hours. I remember Lrudlrick had set up the back with Xbox, DVDs and Antenna TV. I kept laughing how unbelievably nutty it was for us to be playing Xbox games on a black and white television.

Lrudlrick booked us at the Hard Rock Hotel so we could get early admission passes to the Universal amusement parks. We spent less time at the hotel so in retrospect the money we spent on housing could have been saved and used on the souvenirs we bought but at least we could say we got to gondola between the park and our hotel.

We hit every amusement park and nearly every evening parade and show. We went on a helicopter ride around the parks and even went on the slingshot ride that nearly broke my finger.

The one thing I wanted to do was swim with the dolphins but of course reservations were booked nearly a year in advance so we spent our time petting dolphins instead at SeaWorld.

That night Lrudlrick kept making a point to get to the Shamu show early. He sighted the fact that we were late for the Disney Mickey Magic show and had to watch the show sitting apart from each other. We must have gotten to the stadium a good half hour before the show but I didn’t complain. I was tired. It was one the last parks we were to visit before heading home. I was hot, sweaty and looking forward to a nice swim at the hotel.

When the show finally started, they began showing faces in the audience and everyone cheered. Personally, I was thinking, Thank God no one is here that knows me because I look horrible. I’m a sticky mess and my makeup slide off my face 6 hours ago.

That’s when the damn camera swung to zoom in on my shiny forehead. Great. Ok. Smile, pg. Smile and wave and it will swing away. Shoot. Why isn’t it swinging away? Does my forehead look that big? God, I look like Sade.

Then a bubble popped up over Lrudlrick’s head, “Kiss me” it said. So I kissed him.

“Kiss me again.” Ok, someone is getting his kicks off of this but ok. So I kissed him.

“Kiss me again.” At this point I am now looking directly at the screen with a “WTF” face. Mind you, this was prior to the laser surgery so I was also squinting to read the bubbles. Imagine an Asian woman with a Sade forehead, shiny and sweaty from the humid Florida heat squinting. Ok, stop laughing.

“I was thinking…” I’m squinting even harder now.

“Pantrygirl……..” How the hell does the camera guy know my name?

“Will you marry me?” I’m squinting even harder now.

The reality of the question doesn’t hit me until the entire crowd started screaming and pointing at me.

My response and I’m not joking was, “What?” I turned into a complete blonde. When I finally realized what was going on, Lrudlrick was on his knees holding a ring in front of me and I totally flipped out.

Of course I had to say yes, the slick man knew that I couldn’t say no in front of all those people.

After the show, everyone came to congratulate us.

We went home, showered and planned our announcements to our parents. While we were discussing it Friends was on television. We weren’t fans of Friends but that night we were hooked. It was a repeat of the episode where Chandler and Monica are planning their wedding.

We had dinner and toasted to our engagement. The next day we went to Epcot and had our faces and names etched in their Leave a Legacy display to mark the occasion.

For the next two years we spent the time procrastinating and staving off crazy requests from our parents.

So that’s my engagement story. Tomorrow I’ll explain why Lrudlrick chose August 29th.

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Monday, August 28, 2006

Jane, stop this crazy thing!

My girlfriend told me recently that she’s expecting her second child. My other friend told me she’s not returning to work after maternity.

I’m not a mother but I will be the first to admit, leaving the rat race is extremely tempting. I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but there needs to be something more than waking up early, going to work, putting out fires, going home, decompressing and then repeating the cycle for 4 consecutive days.

I’ve always said that if I had children, I’d ideally like to stay home with them until they were all in school. Of course that was before I learned what a mortgage was. Still, I would like to be a part of my children’s lives as much as I could during the early years.

But my thoughts today aren’t about children but leaving the rat race. Children is a totally different topic that could probably lead to me turning into a giant hive thinking about the worries.

If I could, I’d leave the career track. We’d have to move but I’d give it up much more easily than I would have a few years ago. I’m young but I’m tired. There is too much networking and politics. I’d like to be able to do my job efficiently and be done with it. Of course, life isn’t simple. I have to deal with people and people don’t have the same project goals as I do.

If I left my job, what would I do? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t want to open my own business. I don’t want to go into consulting. I just know that it gets tiring every day worrying about the workplace.

Maybe the problem isn’t the rat race but other aspects of the work environment. I know this sounds ridiculous but why does everything have to revolve around money? Why does everything have to be about hitting profit margins instead of ensuring customer satisfaction? Why is it that decisions are made not by work ethic and loyalty and job performance but where you fit in the brackets? NOTE: This rant is a generic rant about the workplace environment as a whole in the United States. This happens everywhere and should in no way be considered a defamation of a specific company.

Maybe I’ve hardened. Maybe I’ve become jaded. I just don’t think that people were supposed to live with all these manmade worries.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow I’ll be less glum. Today, I’m just crabby, sarcastic and pessimistic. Today I’m what my cousin calls a ‘New Yorker’.

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Wing's Castle

A must see in Dutchess County. If you are a history buff, an architect buff, an art buff or a recycling buff check out Wing's Castle, an inhabitable castle built with over 80-90% recycled goods.

If you're free on September 10th, there will be a horseback riding/winery picnic at Millbrook coordianted by Outdoor Bound. Horseback Riding, Winery Tour and Picnic and a real Castle make a perfect outing outside the city.

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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Excuse me as I now cower in the corner.

I said I am sometimes impatient but the other issue I’m embarrassed to admit I have is a problem deeply rooted within my family that I’m tackling day by day. I call it the guilt complex. You make up excuses out of guilt, sometimes out of fear of confrontation and you become too accommodating or too nice.

This doesn’t help anyone. Heck, it makes things worse. Parents who do it raise kids that lack confidence and self-reliance. There is a confidence grown and developed when you know you can do something. Something as simple as cleaning your own room gives you a sense of accomplishment.

I’m not as bad as other people in my family but I do know that it was something I inherited and I try to overcome everyday. It leads me to butt heads with family members at times.

Guilt and fear of confrontation are terrible roadblocks. No one should ever have to rationalize asking a person to take out the garbage. He works too hard. She’s always tired. I’m always working and I’m usually tired yet I still manage to keep a decent home, stay relatively healthy and have a good personal life.

It ticks me off when people begin making excuses for others. I know I have done it. I do it all the time. I’m a Libra and indecisiveness and rationalization is my skin. I just think people need to be more realistic and honest with themselves. Rationalizing to avoid a fist in the face is ok. Rationalizing to avoid the truth is not.

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Sweating the small stuff

Reading Gretchen’s Tips for getting your SO to do chores without nagging, I had the same sentiment in my mind that she states in the last paragraph, “I admit that these tips are practically useless.”

The key word is practically. See, they are helpful in certain circumstances. My problem is not nagging. Heck, I’m the queen of lists. I have a pantrygirl’s list of chores hanging on my front door next to the family calendar of events.

My problem is I’m impatient. If I ask my husband to set the table, I expect is should be completed before a pot roast is cooked. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. My husband has this strange disorder. It’s a kin to Attention Deficit Disorder. As he clears off the dining room table he begins other projects. For example, I open our mail for the day and leave it on the dining room table for my husband to peruse. If he sees a bill he may get the idea that it is time to clean out the bill box and start shredding the old bills. Suddenly the table setting becomes second in priority in his mental to do list and he goes off to clean out the bill box.

While cleaning out the bill box, he will notice an advertisement to lower the car insurance if we take a defensive driving course. Thinking this is a good idea and that his wifey would be proud of such a cost saving measure, he leaves the bill box to go to research defensive driving courses in our area.

While he is at the computer searching defensive driving classes, he decides to check his work email to make sure everything is ok. Sure enough, there is a problem with a program and he stops the search to resolve the programming issue.

By this time, I walk into the dining room with a large pot roast in my hands to find the table is halfway cleared, in the living room our bill box is opened and bills are strewn in a large pile on the floor and on the couch is my husband with a hang dog look saying work pulled him in to fix a problem.

I will say my husband has gotten much better. To be honest, we both have gotten much better. My tolerance level has increased so I’m not upset at silliness like forgetting to take out the trash every night. Hubby is also much more conscientious and sets the table quickly before moving onto something else.

I chalk it up to being with the same person for 10 years. It takes that long to build tolerance and to learn to live with the quirks, at least for me.

Our current routine is actually much more balanced. Here’s a list of our to dos that we have divided:

Dog Walking/MedsMeals
Table SettingAlternate Side Parking
DishesPutting away dishes
LaundryPutting away laundry

We didn’t plan this. It sort of just happens and every now and then we switch off. It’s not so bad really. I think while we were still young and unbeaten we hemmed and hawed more often. Now we know one of us has to do it and instead of pushing each other’s tolerance levels, it’s better to just do it, be done with and move onto something fun.

I have one tip to add to Gretchen’s list, appreciate. An occasional pat on the back, even for the smallest of things, makes a person feel good.

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Friday, August 18, 2006

Things happen for a reason.

I know the morning can be harried but that doesn't allow one to be rude. Before any words come out of your mouth, stop, breathe and say, 'Good morning.'
Start the day with positive words please.

Day Five: He is a better person because of his daughter.
Maybe he wasn't a good dad to Lrudlrick but he has a second chance with Li’l sis. Someone up there is giving him an opportunity to prove himself. Who am I to judge and criticize?
There is good in all. I need to remember this. All in all, he hasn't cut Lrudlrick completely off. He still wants contact. More so for his daughter who is curious about her father's family but that in itself has led to more communication not only with his son but also his brothers and sisters.
Be grateful.

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Learning from the past shapes the future

You ever get one of those days when you have a lot of work to do but you’re waiting on others so that you can complete that work?

I need documentation from outside vendors to build foundational elements into my database and of course, I have not received the reference guides from any vendor.

Enough of my ranting, Day Four: “I know what I want to be and what I don’t want to be as a father.” -- Lrudlrick

Lrudlrick once told me that because of his relationship he knows in his heart he would be a good dad. “There are certain things a father should do and be. I didn’t get those things but my children will.”

I suppose we learn from our parents and grandparents. My childhood has shaped how and what I want to be to any offspring. Why shouldn’t it be the same for Lrudlrick?

Although we are leaning in opposite directions when it comes to spawning, I feel both of us would be good parents who were dependable and reliable to our kids.

Now if I can get my husband to be a bit more realistic and stop thinking that his father would offer to baby-sit or even visit, we’d be that much closer to deciding on children.

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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Hump Day

It's been a tiring week. I wake up wishing it would pass quickly so I could rest yet rest is within reach everyday. What makes me think rest is waiting at the end of the week.

Day three: If I hold onto the mistakes of the past, the future will only perpetuate them.

I can't climb into his head but I believe his reclusiveness comes from his embarrassment and shame and his pride. Sometimes we think the easiest route is not to admit our mistakes but to hide and pretend it never happened.

I can't let his absence and lack of rsvp to Lrudlrick and Lil Sis's party eat at me. I can't let him not visiting us bother me. If I hold onto the bitterness, what do I get out of it? Am I not acting as cowardly? I need to let go.

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Why does every discussion on fear reference Yoda?

Day Two: Fear motivates many.
He is human. No matter what, he's just like everyone else. He has fear and may react in a certain way but it is not directed at me, my husband or his family. It's a defense mechanism. Do not take it personal.

L: I don't understand what your problem is with him. It's not like he did all that stuff to you.
pg: Well he did it to the person I love so of course I'm going to be upset. I came with my baggage and you came with yours. Now it's our baggage.

However, baggage does not give me the right to be impolite and disrespectful. An apology for the past won't happen and even if it did, it's not my place to instigate it.

All I can do is look to the future and be thankful that my husband does not perpetuate the cycle of denial and cowardice.

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Monday, August 14, 2006

You know the easiest thing to do is to be bitter.

Call me a sucker for punishment.
Call me an idiot.
Call me whatever.

Everyone knows I have a bone to pick with my FIL. My husband swears I hate him. I don’t hate him. I hate Hitler. I don’t hate my FIL. I don’t like his rationalization and weasel ways but I don’t hate him. I don’t like how he left my husband without a father as a child but I don’t hate him. I don’t like how he treats women or his family but I don’t hate him. We just have a difference of opinion.

Still I try to make an effort to be civil, polite and respectful. I make my treks to visit him every other month. My husband said once that he does what he does because when he meets his maker, he wants to say he did what was right and good.

Although I don’t complain, our bi-monthly visits have become a sour spot because, well, they used to be such a gripe-fest for me that I’ve sort of tainted them. I didn’t make it easy for my husband and now when we have to go, he profusely apologizes. I told him that he doesn’t need to apologize but he continues to reiterate his appreciation of me wasting an entire day for our journey to sit on a couch for 3 hours staring at an unused fire place.

So, in the spirit of ‘What would Jesus do?’ and for the benefit of my relationship with my husband and God, I’m spending this week meditating on my father-in-law.

At this point, my friends and family who are reading this will be emailing and calling me. “You’re doing What?!”

I’m not doing this for praise or some reward. I’m doing this because if I can’t be compassionate to those who hurt me and the people I love, how can I say I really know compassion. Plus, I’m feeling really guilty about making these trips harder on my husband. It’s been ten years. “If he can’t be the grown-up, I’ll be the grown-up and you by marriage should do the same. Do you really want to be like him, the child?” How I hate it when Lrudlrick is right.

So for the next week, I will attempt to be more like my husband and be compassionate to his father.

Day 1: Without him, my husband wouldn’t be here

Ok, this is an easy one, sort of. Without his momentary marriage to my MIL, Lrudlrick would not have been born. Sure, I can return that back; I wouldn’t be writing about being more compassionate to this guy if Lrudlrick wasn’t around but in a twist of fate, I’d take two of him if I had to just to have the chance to have my path cross with Lrudlrick’s.

So I guess I should be thankful that he is around, he fell in love with my MIL, got married and had Lrudlrick.

"Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger."

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Sunday, August 13, 2006

why 9?

Tall tales & telephones

I spent the entire day in the city equivalent of a rural Georgian town because of such. Radioactive dyes and being required to avoid physical contact b/w a father and daughter was some of the crazy ass bullshit I witnessed.
I'm not saying it would happen but if they could, they'd put my SIL in a freaking bubble.

Postscript: Actually, it's a disservice to Georgia but 3 out of 5 people I've asked has mentioned the same comparison. To my Georgian family, I'm sorry. I love ya but you are the natural comparison.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

A raise would have been better

My company won an award and as a bonus, they treated us to lunch. My first day back at work from a 9 day fast and I was greeted with this monstrosity that probably could have undone everything I worked for last week.

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Camp Cat

This is one of the ranch's cats. She's totally friendly and will walk right up to you for affection. She loves to be handled and will even seek out someone for affection by meowing loudly. I could hear her meowing during the day from my bedroom window.
In the evening, she didn't meow but went on skunk patrol. When I was out talking to my husband, she would follow me up and down the dirt road keeping me company and defending me from skunks.

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What I come home to

Z-girl somehow got her hands on the collector's can of Spam I bought my husband as part of a Spamalot gift package. Guess who is going to need to detox next?

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Monday, August 07, 2006

12 things I learned while fasting

1. I'm not so scared of bugs anymore as long as they are within distance. That includes you Mr. Cricket in my bath towel.
2. I can shave standing like a flamingo in a narrow shower stall.
3. I can sleep through a gigantic bell that tolls at 5:45am.
4. I missed driving stick.
5. I want to retire someplace where I can swim in a natural lake or pond anytime I want.
6. SPF 55 sunscreen does not prohibit tanning.
7. Melon is delicious.
8. I'm naturally drawn to kitchens, even when I can't eat.
9. I love sun-dried clothes.
10. I think too much yet not enough.
11. I'm Pitta-Vata and Lrudlrick is Pitta-Kapha, hence the firey Edith and Archie discussions.
12. I sometimes classify people by actors. i.e. I met this week, A young John Malkovich, an older version of Jay Sherman's son, Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara, a human version of Bert from Bert and Ernie and an older heterosexual version of Alan Cumming.

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A blessing from detoxing

I went into the detox to get away from the city, to realign my body, to realign my mind and to learn a little something about the practice of yoga.

The chaos of the city and my job as a project manager was piling on. The office politics was taking a toll on my sanity and what really mattered in my life, my home and personal time, were suffering for it.

The biggest thing I learned doing the detox was I multi-task too much. I get caught up and yes, I do take tasks one at a time sometimes but not enough.

Coming home early, I caught my husband in the middle of his 'Mothra' attack. I guess it would be a 'Mortho'? He wanted to welcome me home to a clean house. Of course, when my husband cleans, that means a lot of distractions. Take for example the living room. He'll start by cleaning the table tops and then realize that the drawers need to be cleaned out so he empties everything onto the floor to clean. Then while he does that he thinks the cushions should be washed so he takes them off and runs them downstairs. While he's at that he figures he should also wash the runners in the hallway so he takes those to the wash. Then he figures while the floors are bare he should vacuum, sweep and mop them. So he does that. Then while that dries, he figures he might as well clean the bathroom curtains, towels and mats since he's heading downstairs to move the rugs and cushion covers the dryer. He forgets that the building closes the laundry room for cleaning at 1pm so he has to wait. While he does that he figures he'll go back to the living and clean the pile. Then he noticed there is a massive amount of paper that should be sorted so he pulls out our 'to shred' box and sits there and goes through the pile.

It continues like this to about 3am.

I arrived home at 9-10pm.

My first night home was spent on the couch trying to tune out the Tasmanian Devil.

He finally settled down the next day at 11am, when we went to mass.

My husband could use a week of detox like I did but I don't think he could do it. That's not a dare, I just think he's not a detoxing kind of guy. I think it's a little to free spirit for him.

I used to think I married someone my opposite but in many aspects we're the same. We are very driven people, when we want to be. We're stubborn in certain aspects but lax on others. We have alot of fire in us which makes a great force when we are driven towards the same goal. It also gives us more opportunities to debate and act like rams sometimes.

Next time, and yes, I hope there will be a next time, I think I'd like to try a 5 day fast. The fast deepens your awareness to your surroundings. You become more attuned to your senses and you are able to really listen, something which becomes harder and harder to do in this fast paced cyber age world.

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Breaking the fast

Books and opinions differ on how to break a fast.

Some say it takes just as long as the length of the fast.
Others say it takes half the time.

My theory is reintroduce food to your body as if you were a baby. Start with fruits and veggies then grains than protein/meats. Avoid processed items. The point of the fast was to detoxify your body of the impurities that linger over time. Why start right away bringing those toxins back in?

A heard somewhere that a pitta constitution, which if you haven't realized by reading this blog is my dominant dosha, have strong digestive systems, physically and mentally. This makes it easier for us to break fasts quicker.

I'll be honest and tell that I did have something more than fruits and veggies on my first day of breaking the fast. I had steamed veggies with tofu and boy was that delicious.

On my second day I craved what I had as a little girl, peanut noodles. A nutritional psychotherapist participating in the fast told my cousin and I to listen to what our bodies naturally crave. I've been doing so and it craved peanut butter noodles. I didn't make a large bowl and only used a teaspoon of paste but it was satisfying.

My husband was craving ice cream so we took a stroll to our neighborhood grocery store. Usually I buy a little treat too with him but this time I had no craving for ice cream. I had a craving for something cool and creamy but didn't know what in particular until I found myself in front of the yogurt aisle. I picked the most delicious pear and raspberry organic yogurt. I had about 3 ounces and it totally satisfied me.

I know it's not going to last. I know that living in the city, there are too many temptations but I'm not as bad as others. I don't have a large sweet tooth and I'm content with simple things like a plain bowl of oatmeal.

I do look forward though to maybe meeting up with my cousin towards the end of the month and grabbing a burger at the Shake Shack.

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Sunday, August 06, 2006

Day Nine: City Chaos comes back quick

Day Nine:

Back home early
Already missing serenity of ranch
Grass is always greener, I guess
Husband's frenetic pace is too much to watch
Trying to maintain non-multi-tasking habit learned
Extremely difficult
Fast breaking started with melon and steamed veggies
Tempted fate with soft steamed tofu today
So far so good
Oh, also had communion wafer but figured that would be ok
Father Francis' homily mentioned food and the difficulties we all have listening to learn what we really need, physically and spiritually

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Saturday, August 05, 2006

Day Eight:: Mellll-onnnn!

Day Eight:

Woke up frozen solid
Slept through morning yoga
Cousin surprised me with fresh bowl of honeydew
Workshops scheduled not interesting
Missing home, we decided to leave a day early

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Friday, August 04, 2006

Day Seven: Happy, Energetic Weather

Day Seven:

Happy, Energetic
Weather broke
Morning Juice delicious
Last day of juice
Still not hungry but would like variety

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Thursday, August 03, 2006

Day of Reflection

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Day Six: Sick of Juice

Day Six:

Sick of Juice
Fart smells like juice
Only 1 more day of juice
Went to the lake to meditate
Had fun driving Clyde

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Why did I want to fast again?

Today is a day of silence at the retreat. It's a day we reflect on
our inner self. I find it interesting that it falls on a Thursday.
In the blogosphere we generally have Thursday memes.
So here I am sitting on a chair under the shade of a tall tree staring
into the forest you see in the photo posted today.
There is a lot to reflect on but everything comes randomly.
I realize that I truly miss my husband and taking care of him. I miss
making sure he's ok. I miss feeding him and listening to him rant or
simply share his day. I miss feeling his hand holding mine. I miss
how protected I feel when he's near me and how he makes me feel like I
could do anything.
I realize that I miss my frenetic routine. I enjoy escaping it from
time to time and by no means do I love it but it's my routine, no one
else has quite the same. Here I'm obligated to follow the routine set
for me. Although it allows for differences it's pretty much the same
as everyone else here.
I realize I can accomplish anything I set my mind to it. Even though
my husband is my support line, it's good to remember I am one strong
person. Detox fasting isn't fun. It helps to do it in a group. It
also helps to know I'm not forced to do this because of an ailment.
Still it's no picnic. I wouldn't recommend doing it at home. Away
from the stress and temptation and along with peers helps. I have
today and tomorrow left on juice after which I get to go back on
solids. Joy!
I realize there are good people in the world. I always knew there
were but sometimes being in the city can make you think an agenda is
at hand. Everyone here is here for there own personal reasons but
humanity and compassion is more prevalent. Maybe it's the atmosphere.
Maybe it's the lack of desire for worldy goods. Whatever it is, it
makes you freely give of yourself to others.
I realize community is community. I know this sounds hokey but I miss
my church. I miss listening to the readings and reflecting. I miss
walking home with my husband and discussing the homily. I attend
service daily here with my cousin but although the meanings are the
same the reflection isn't.
I miss driving my car. I really miss feeling the wind in my hair
while I'm heading down a long stretch of highway. Sure, I drove to
the lake but that was a 10 minute drive. I'd like to be able to get
in my car and just drive and not to get a cheeseburger.

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Day Five: So hot Lake

Day Five:

So hot
Lake too far away to go
Sun is slightly oppressive
Had first hunger pang
Ran through sprinklers to cool down

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Day Four: Pet cows Had

Day Four:

Pet cows
Had watermelon juice treat today
Swim in the lake was wonderful
Days last longer here
Missing home alittle

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Cooling off at the lake

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Words to Live By

All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. -– Ephesians 4:31-32

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