Thursday, April 27, 2006

Still waiting for the Laundry Robot

I know I owe a report on our Roomba, Shaggy. Shaggy is doing well and I will post videos and a personal account of our Shaggy experiences.

In the meantime, check out what Kara and Amit's Roomba does while they're away. Thanks Kara and Amit for a great clip and thanks go to Gothamist for sharing the link to this funny clip.

Oh and if anyone is interested, Scooby was returned and replaced with Scooby Two after some odd error message about a tank and solution not expelling. More on Scooby and Shaggy to come.

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The Dark Side of the Pie

With my pie complete, the judging under way and the awards ceremony in the evening, we spent the rest of the day waiting and eating.

We first drove around and went to our first Super Wal-Mart. Unlike our Jersey Wal-Mart experience, this one looked like the Wal-Mart that we expected, huge and filled with everything under the sun.

I know this sounds weird to many but being New Yorkers, we really don’t have large super stores like Wal-Mart to frequent. Oddly enough we didn’t buy a thing there but we did hit every aisle. Thoroughly satisfied with our Wal-Mart experience we then went to submerse ourselves in all things pie. We did encounter a man entering Wal-Mart who felt compelled to pull his finger guns at us while driving a wood paneled mini van. Is that a common occurence?

At the pie festival there was everything from jugglers and pie songsters to Lrudlrick’s favorite act, The Pie King and his court of pie. The Pie King was a teenaged boy dressed as a king of pie who told pie stories to kids and even taught them a pie dance.

L: I don’t know what it is but I like this kid. He gives it his all.

Muthafunga: I wonder what the auditions were like.

I wanted to take a picture with the Pillsbury dough boy but got caught up and lost my opportunity to tickle a larger than life size dough boy.

At the awards ceremony I met up with some of my fellow bakers. Lisa and her mom made it as well as Heidi who got 1hour of sleep. She baked 8 pies and looked happy and excited.

Heidi took two awards. The rest went to a mother daughter team that baked 28 pies, another woman who baked nearly 14, a woman who used to be a judge for the competition and the winner of best in show a few years bake. There were a handful that were first timers as well.

We all went back to claim our pies when pie became a bit more cutthroat. As we parked our car, a fellow baker ran to me to tell me that the person that one in my category and the person that one best in show were professionals and she was pretty irate about professionals in the amateur competition. I didn’t give it much thought but the ladies at the pie pick up all started saying the same thing and some produced business cards from the winner.

I really didn’t want to be catty so I went inside to get my pie and it got worse. Sadly, I was a bit upset that we couldn’t try any of our contestants pies. So I asked others if I could taste their pie. Soon everyone was trying each others pies. As we began tasting and exchanging information with each other a contestant came up to me and asked me to look out for one of her pies. Apparently it went missing. Soon other contestants were saying the same thing. A few minutes later, a male contestant said he found his pie in the trash. Apparently, someone was throwing out pies and stealing pie plates. Stealing pie plates! How petty is that!

Heidi pulled me aside and said that in other contests she’s entered people steal pies to decipher the recipe. “For a bloody pie?” “Yup, some people are that serious about these contests. Remember, you’ll get all kinds here. Many are friendly but there are some that you have to be careful for. You can tell by their reaction to you.”

You know, she’s right. I was having fun until it got a bit too serious. We left with some new contacts and a bit wiser about baking contests. I suppose there is a dark side and a light side to everything. In the end I met some fine people, got some great pie tips and hopefully will get my judging card in the mail soon.

My favorite part of the day wasn’t the never ending pie buffet or even the award ceremony.

My favorite part of the day was the kids pie eating contest. These kids were in heaven. We hit the contest just in time for the best pie of them all, the chocolate pie eating contest. These kids had so much fun, one even said, “Mom, can I enter the next contest?”

Hope they had a lot of wet naps.

I was serious about the pie police.

Tomorrow: Why next time Pantrygirl will fork over the extra moola to fly Jet Blue.

Day 3 total drinks: 6

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Still no sign of Aaron...

It's been a long week filled with pie. I did see 24 but I'm crashing from the sugar rush.

Check out fellow Jack fanatics at:

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1. I will say this, a Truman Show conglomerate of Bluetooth is lame. Having them be led by the kid from Fame is lamer.
2. Germans, The French and British diplomats on one plane and no snakes? Hope Jack makes it out of the luggage compartment better than my luggage.
3. Bill! Why'd you have go kill yourself. You could have taken a chopper with your bare hands. RIP. Say hi to Lispy for me.

Classic line of the day:
Tie between Bill Buchanan's response to being bossed around by Chloe and Mike Novack's 'It's been a strange day'.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

You are an obsession, his obsession

With the cost of gas jumping to astronomical heights, my hubby has begun his bi-annual event of searching for a new car. Yesterday’s NY Daily News article showing the projected price to fill a Honda Accord would be close to $60.00 fueled his desire. Most of you know, when Lrudlrick gets his mind set on something, it’s stuck there like a stubborn mule.

At the rate he keeps getting rid of our car, the time we spend in the car, the money we spend for garaging our car and the insurance prices we pay for having a car in the city, I finally ask him, “Is it worth buying a new car again?”

L: What? No car? Could we live without a car?
pg: I’m just saying, you get trade our car on average every 2 years. If you really want a car, what about leasing one?
L: But then what would we have after 2 years?
pg: Nothing.
L: Exactly, at least now we have a car.
pg: That you want to trade in.
L: Precisely.

I’ve never leased a car so correct me if I’m wrong but by leasing, would we not lower the price we pay monthly? For example, for a $20,000 car, wouldn’t we only be paying a fraction of that in monthly payments?

I also threw the idea about getting rid of our car and our garage spot and just renting a zip car when we needed a car. Essentially Zipcars are rentals but with less hassle. They come with XMRadio, reserved parking, gas and insurance. The only hassles are 1. You need to go to a Zipcar parking space to pick your car up and 2. You have to drive around in a car with a giant Zipcar add on the side. I’m not without shame but I’ll gladly drive a car with a billboard on it’s side to pick up items at a Costco.

They also have a nifty ownership vs. Zipcar member comparison chart on their site.

Personally, I’m not a every 2 year new car kind of gal. I’m a homey type and bond with things and have a hard time justifying trading in a perfectly good car.

Still, I know Lrudlrick is in his mode so I’m going through brochures with him now. There is a butt ugly car I can only describe as a mini mini van. Can you tell I’m not a car person.

L: We can save money by buying a car with better mileage and give away our garage.
pg: Are you willing to deal with alternate side of the street parking every day?
L: It’s not just me. You, too.
pg: Are you willing to deal with alternate side of the street parking every day?

So begins Lrudlrick’s new quest. One day, I hope to forgo a car and just hover. Don't forget to pick up the above kicking tee at

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“You’re a Cobbler Whore!”

Day Two: Flour Power

I knew there would be serious contestants but I didn’t know they’d be that serious. I was given this shady look from a couple of contestants. I live in New York City and I’ve had less shady glances on the subway.

Still I smiled and went on may way to meet other fellow bakers. Most were super friendly casual cooks like me. Many were first timers. Apparently the regulars don’t bake their pies on premise. One in particular, Heidi was super friendly and even gave me tips for future contests. Heidi lives in PA and drove all the way here with her equipment to avoid the TSA inspections.

Lisa from Virginia told me that she was weary about the TSA as well, especially since she was flying with a sack of flour. Her mom said that strangely enough the TSA let them board the plane with all their equipment no questions asked. Mental note: Don’t fly out of Virginia.

All in all the fellow bakers were just as I hoped they would be, kind and cordial. We spent most of the time chit chatting and laughing about our travels.

When baking began everyone seemed a bit too serious for my liking but I guess nerves can do that. You’re given 3 hours to bake. I think I was the loudest contestant, cracking jokes and talking to the visitors who are allowed to walk around.

Lrudlrick became my cheerleader/kitchen helper. He ran and got me butter and ensured the volunteer kitchen helpers got the tools I needed. He also became my Isaac and ran back and forth between the bar and me to ensure my nerves didn’t get the best of me.

One of the friendliest visitors was a gentleman named Merlin. A retiree from Ohio, he kept me entertained with stories about his past life and his interests. He even gave my husband pointers for bowling and a list of movies we plan to check out. Lrudlrick and Merlin hit it off discussing classic war movies.

As I baked I noticed there were tons of ‘security’ walking the perimeter of the pie area. I asked them if there were any security breeches and high profile pie pilfers on the premise. They chuckled and told me that I’d be surprised.

By the end, I finished on time and relatively clean. Several of the volunteer kitchen helpers thanked me for making it a light hearted event.

As we were leaving, we heard of an open bar party later that evening for commercial bakers. Being the New Yorkers that we are, we crashed the party and enjoyed the company and buffet.

We met a wonderful couple from Kentucky who dropped everything to start their own chocolate pie making business. Renwick and Clara were extremely candid and answered my questions on diving into a self owned business and the pressures it has on a marriage. They are hoping to be able to ship their delicious pies soon. I can’t wait to have their fresh chocolate pies in NYC.

What I learned that evening was that the pie industry can be political too. Apparently there is a bill in play to make Key Lime Pie an official pie of Florida. Because of such, many commercial pie companies are vying for the best Key Lime Pie title.

I also learned that a majority of the pie council members are also the ones that win the pie awards. I guess the pie industry is a small one but it does seem a little biases towards the major market companies. I’d like to see a small business category for those mom and pops that don’t have such pull.

We ended the night at Pleasure Island and danced the night away. Most bakers went home to bake more pies but I just wanted to have fun. I didn’t want to be sick of pie by the end of this. I wanted to love pie.

Tomorrow the award ceremony.

Day 1 total drinks: lost count after 12

You Are Apple Pie

You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional
Those who like you crave security

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Pie, Oh My!

Last I wrote, I told you I was going off to do one of the things on my 43 things list. Well I’m back. I went and entered one of my pies in a pie contest.

Now I knew I was a long shot. Many of the pie entrants were old timers. Most were from the south, which in my opinion is the pie Mecca of the United States. I also knew that many of the competitors were fierce and serious about pie. Many would be entering 14 pies. Still, I wanted to try it and say that I did it once. If anything, I just wanted to have fun and get me some pie at the pie buffet.

So I packed my things up and hubby came along as my cheerleader. Knowing that the TSA can be suspicious of nail clippers and breast milk, I knew that my jar of tapioca and whisk would probably cause all sorts of trouble at JFK. I mean, I highly doubt there has ever been a death by sifting incident but I’m not taking any chances.

So I cautiously wrapped and labeled everything with an explanation of the contents. I wrote my name, my flight and cell phone number and included a list of items that were in my bag and placed it inside my luggage.

Since we dropped our pooches at doggie day care we decided to long term park our car so we could pick them up immediately after arriving home on Sunday. So we drove our car to the airport and while hubby went to long term parking, I went to check in.

This is the first sign that things weren’t going to be as cut and dry as I had hoped. When I got the electronic check in, I kept receiving an error. I finally went to the electronic check in help desk and a Hispanic lady who was responsible for checking in the electronic check in luggage tells me that my flights were reversed. My itinerary shows I’m departing from Orlando today and returning to Orlando on Sunday!

She directs me to a black payphone to talk to a representative. Why she didn’t direct me to the line of 8 attendants waiting for anyone to check in was beside me. Being the obedient Catholic girl that I am I drag my bag of kitchen supplies to the black phone and tell the representative my dilemma. “Well I can book you onto today’s flight for an additional cost of $400+ dollars.”

pg: Let me get this straight. I’m a bit frazzled so please mind me but in addition to the $400+ I paid for my ticket, I’m supposed to pay an additional $400+?

airline representative: Ma’am all I can say is that I can bill your credit card $400+ today if you give me a verbal yes.

pg: Uh, no.

I hung up desperate. The first thing that came across my mind was, is this really worth it? Maybe I should take my losses and just go home. The second thing was, how the hell am I supposed to tell my husband that I totally brain farted and booked the flights in reverse? Ladies and Gentlemen, my husband up until the moment he reads this had no idea of this commotion regarding our airline tickets. Honey, if you ever read this, I hope you don’t use this in my senility hearing.

I suppose I looked totally out of it because a kind Asian attendant told me to come over to her and asked what the problem was. I explained my dilemma and she patiently and calmly straightened everything out for me. This woman was the nicest and sweetest person and I thank her wholeheartedly for helping me. She even gave me her email address and told me to email her the results of the contest.

I’m not going to tell you that the airline I flew at is my first choice in airlines. In fact, my first choice without a doubt is Jet Blue. The staff is courtesy and helpful and I have never had any problems with tickets, luggage, check in or any other airport rigmarole. I won’t name the airline that we flew but you may recognize them by the end of this story. Grace, if you ever change airlines, they would certainly lose one of their best representatives.

With the ticket hullabaloo fixed, thanks to Grace, I stood their anxiously waiting for my husband. I called him up and he told me that long term parking is a hell of a way away from the airport. Grace hears my conversation and says, “He’s at the Air Train? Oh, he’ll never make it. I’ll put you on the next flight.”

Again, Grace saved our day. 20 minutes later my husband arrives and says, “Our car. Guess where our car is?”

pg: I don’t know. Long term parking. Where is it?
L: Howard Beach. It’s all the way at Howard Beach! I had to take the monorail and I swear there was only one in service and you have to go through every terminal stop to get here. Howard Beach was the last stop so I hit every station!

I tell him that because the policy has been changed to 1 hour check in which is true we were bumped to the next flight.

We go hunt for lunch. Now, surprisingly, JFK does not have a huge selection of cuisine. In fact, the only thing you really have is Wok and Roll and Burger King. So we had Burger King. I haven’t had a Burger King sandwich in years. In fact, I thought Burger King all but left NYC.

We spent the rest of the time waiting at the local bar. Thus began the trip where an alcoholic beverage was Pantrygirl’s best friend. From Thursday ‘til Sunday, there wasn’t a time where an alcoholic beverage was not the beverage of choice for pg.

Our flight was delayed by 20 minutes but we finally made it on board. I was about to nap and enjoy my iPod’s shuffle feature when Lrudlrick and I endured the most painful and embarrassing preflight safety instruction ever. Now I’ve been on planes were the newbies are giving the safety instructions. I’ve cheered them on and even given them a round of applause for their efforts. This was just absolutely horrible. Instead of a live demo, this airline had a taped recording of a character actor stating the instructions to cheesy salsa musak. Yes, that’s musak not music. In addition, the character actor had the worst Hispanic accent known to man. My husband turned to me and said, if I was Hispanic, which I am, I’d be really insulted, which I sort of am.

It was so horrible I was waiting for the attendants to dance down the aisles with straw hats and maracas. I wanted to video tape it for you to hear but figured with the grater and the sifter in my luggage, I really didn’t need to start more trouble.

To make it worse, on their in-flight music channel, they start it off with an image of their plane bumping like a low rider. I tried video taping that for you but with the turbulence and the sound missing, you really can’t get the full effect.

A few drinks later and we arrived and went to pick up my checked in luggage. While Lrudlrick picked up our rental car, I went through the luggage and found that the TSA indeed went through my luggage. They left a nifty card saying they went through my things like a three little bear. I also noticed that they opened my spices to inspect it. I guess Tapioca, cinnamon and salt could look like something else.

My husband laughed when I told him. “Even though you labeled everything like the crazy person that you are?” “I guess they had to be sure.”

For the rest of the day we went to dinner, drank and went to Winn Dixie where I bought my supplies and pre-made my dough and chilled it.

Tomorrow, day 2.

Day 1 total drinks: 5

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Midnight hour... The hour of droopy hair and bags under the eyes.

I’m off to do one of my 43 things. Sadly, it doesn’t involve winning the lottery. So my 24 rant this week is small. Here are a few thoughts about this week’s episode. All thoughts in real-time.

Oy, I really can’t look at Weezie anymore without laughing with disgust. He looks so much like a weasel I’m dealing with.

Does Jack drink coffee? It’s midnight and I have yet to see him eat anything. Maybe he has rations in his man purse.

For martial law there sure are a lot of people driving in the streets. Can you run reds during martial law?

Slimey Miles sounds like a creepy John Malkovich. Isn’t John Malkovich naturally creepy sounding?

Bill is like the dad who you run to when you really get into trouble. Picture him in a sweater vest with a pipe and a newspaper.

Audrey that is a snazzy coat. Please tell me I can find that at Burlington Coat Factory. I need a new fall coat.

Daddy Devane! Man, I have such a thing for old men. Aaron Pierce, Bill Devane, Bill Buchanan. Put a distinguished old man with gray temples in a tailored suit and you’ve got man meat for Pantrygirl.

Bill D., your security detail looks rather young and could use a few protein shakes. Bill, last year you had Jack Bauer. What happened?

Oil? Geez, I guess that’s what our interests were. Oil. I guess that makes sense. Personally, I spend a lot of time making sure oily build up doesn’t happen.

Bill D, throat hit to Jack! Holy crap. Forget Bill D as a possible dad. Imagine what he does when you get caught sneaking back into the house.

Ok, I still don’t understand why everyone was let go except Nice and Easy. You’d think with the sexual harassment claims, Miles would push for N&E to be let go with everyone else. By the way, anyone else notice how N&E’s hair is getting droopier and droopier?

“He’s the president. He can do what he wants.” Miles, that’s exactly the blind lemming attitude they want. Idjit.

Mike. Where the hell have you been? Napping?

What’s up with freaky doors? Everyone has these ugly ass geometric doors. The president’s compound is seriously in need of a makeover. The whole thing reeks Brady Bunch ranch home.

Mike’s no idiot. He’s gone behind people’s back for ‘the sake of our interests’. Man, Weezie is good at making lies up on the fly but their only going to go bite him in the ass in the long run. Pantrygirl will be there when it happens with a cold beer and a bowl of pretzels.

“Don’t you second guess me, damnit! I’m the President of the United States!” Dude, this isn’t a dictatorship.

Chloe, you can’t ration with Slimey Miles. Anyone else wish that Chloe was going to karate chop Miles? Man, Chloe could so take Miles in the ring.

Let’s see. Chloe can get dirt on anything and anyone. Chloe can also pick pocket. She’s learned to shoot a gun and has recently outrun a troop of men trying to kill her. Anyone else think Chloe should have been the daughter Jack didn’t have? Chloe and Jack should start a consulting business.

More Weezie and FLOTUS making out. So unnecessary. We see that FLOTUS is still feeling the effects of the pot. “Mama, horny.” The images are too vivid. Must scrub eyes.

FLOTUS I will so not forgive you if you get Aaron into trouble.

Bill Devane, punch him. Give the president a karate chop to the neck! Do it! Do it! Damn.

The people who put you in office? What do you mean? You weren’t elected.

“How dare you judge me!” Weezie, we judge you because we can. If you were on Survivor, they wouldn’t just vote you out. They’d throw you into a snake infested pit.

“Your chair is not a thrown!” Damn, skippy! You tell him, Bill Devane!

Again with the cheesy James Bond music. I guess they paid a pretty penny for it.
I love it, Bill Buchanan’s home is now the new CTU.

FLOTUS(202.555.5982), I notice that your Sprint phone has all 5 bars. I had a Sprint phone for 2 years and never saw 5 full bars. You must have the only 5 bar Sprint phone in the country. FLOTUS if you caused the death of my man, Aaron, so help me...

I take that back, Aaron (310.597.3781) has a 6 bar Sprint phone! 6 bars! Is that possible? It’s like Spinal Tap’s amp that goes to 11! Inconceivable!

Mmm. I love the smell of burning plastic and flesh at midnight and Jack comes away without a burn mark. I fry chicken and find a way to come out with a nasty burn mark.

Audrey, lift the damn arm and apply pressure. Don’t they make you take a First Aid class or something at DoD?

Screaming isn’t going to help the situation.

L: It goes to show you, sleeping with Jack isn’t going to end in something good.

Bill, I told you, you should have karate chopped Weezie when you could.

Audrey, doesn’t look good at all in the coming attractions. She looks like what a normal person would look after working over 17 hours without food and naps.

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

"Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges!"

As part of the strike contingency preparedness planning of our building, we’re required to list all residents and regular visitors to our home to our managing agent. This list will be used to create id badges for security checks. During our contingency meeting, our neighbors questioned the definition of frequent visitor(s). How about adding housekeepers, nannies, playmates of children and the lot to the list? There was a mention of invasion of privacy and the reasoning for adding children to the list for ids.

Lrudlrick and I sat there looking at each other wondering, are we the poorest people in our building? Honestly. Housekeepers? Nannies? It's not like we live in a luxury apartment building. Are there that many people with housekeepers and nannies?

I suppose I could put Scooby and Shaggy as my domestic help but I'm pretty certain they won’t need an id to get past security. This morning, I dropped our list off. As I was walking towards my super’s door, I noticed my husband in a moment I can only assume as sheer amusement to himself, had added to our list of frequent visitors/residents P and Z.

I guess our list was a bit scarce but our dogs? Under relation to residents, he put ‘Canine resident’.

Now I’m going to be honest; I was a bit embarrassed and reluctant to hand it in. I wasn’t embarrassed that our list was skim. I was embarrassed that my husband actually put ‘canine resident’. Couldn’t he have put something more descriptive? They’re more than just canines. P and Z are more than just residents. They’re essentially my kids, allergies and all. They actually have jobs. Apparently, these jobs are rather tiring because every time I see them, their always napping but that’s beside the point. They’re my body guards. They’re my bed warmer. They’re my home alarm system. They’re my occasional taste testers. Heck, they are the reason I have to get up in the morning 'less I want to deal with poop and pee in the house.

Right now, I imagine our managing agents are having a laugh at my expense. The real laugh will be when P and Z get their own security badges. I’d even clip them onto their leashes.

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Monday, April 17, 2006

Weekend in a nutshell...

1 lector doing the pee-pee dance trying to look composed during lector readings of Easter vigil. yes, the 2 hour mass.

1 lamb, 1 duck, 1 chicken eaten. 1 ham untouched. Ham for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next week. Joy.

1 box of almond italian cookies. My brother kicks butt.

1 apartment so clean, I felt compelled to throw a throw pillow on the ground for sanity's sake. Yes, scary isn't it?

1 dog whose allergies are causing massive eye boogies to form in 1 eye.

1 full day doing absolutely nothing. and loving every moment.

1 very large plate of flourless pancakes, undercooked.

1 plate of eggs benedict with turkey bacon that perplexed husband.

3 extremely large flies duking it out with my husband for control of our bedroom.

2 dogs and 1 female locked out of said room while Conan fought said flies.

1 female laughing so hard, a little pee almost came out.

2 people staring at accountant's instructions regarding estimated taxes with confusion and frustration.

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Parent-proofing a PC. An appeal for help.

My parents kill PCs. If PCs were aliens from another planet, my mother’s house would be area 51 or 58, depending on your sci-fi geekiness.

See, my mother has a desire to surround herself with electrical things but the electrical things always short out. I’m not sure why or how but if you’re an electrical appliance, 7 out 10 times you will have a shortened life in my mother’s house.

I know some people just don’t have a knack for gizmos but my mother has gone through so many phones, Bell South reached it’s profit mark last quarter because of her.

Back to the PC. My mother says she needs the internet for her ‘research’. Honestly, I’m not sure what she’s researching and if she knows how to research it but I don’t question anymore. As long as it keeps her busy. Well, it’s been months since her PC has been working. Why? I have no idea. She called me two Fridays ago sobbing about how she’s helpless and needs the internet. Why? I have no idea. So after about an hour of hearing self-deprecating remarks, I apologized for her children’s insolence and intolerance and assured her that she would have the internet by the following week.

Now, here’s the problem. The internet is just the start of the snowball. See, my mom will then say she needs some new electrical equipment to go with the PC. Then something will happen where she doesn’t know how to find something or do something within the PC. Then something weird will happen where the PC won’t boot. Honestly, I think the PC just can’t take the craziness that is my mother and shuts down.

My brother bought her a new network card and set up the connection. Everything was running peachy keen. Then my mom called me and told me she needs a new fax/printer.

pg: Why do you need a fax printer? What’s wrong with your old one? And why do you need a fax? Who faxes nowadays?

M: I do. My friends do.

pg: What are your friends faxing to you? Never mind, I don’t think I want to know.

Then, this morning, I get this text from my brother:

Muthafunga: oh, mom’s computer won’t boot i need you to look at it

What did I tell you about the snowball effect?

I honestly understand that there will be questions and inquiries from my parents. That's a given but how do you go from a fully functioning PC one week to the blue screen of death the next week?

What drives the logical side of me bonkers is, I have no idea how and what happened to the PC from the time my brother fixed it and had it working last week ‘til now.

So I’m appealing to you geeks out there. Is there a way to parent-proof my parent’s PC? My brother and I really don’t want to go through this angst every two weeks. Our wallets and our sanity can’t take much more. I’m about to post a website directly appealing to my parents to “Get off the ‘net. You’re killing us.”

I suppose the first step is to setup a profile to prevent them from installing and downloading.
I’m also going to have to shell out for some heavy duty anti-virus because obviously the anti-virus we have set up for them is doing squat.
I’m also going to need to block the pop-ups, pop-unders and embedded ads because I can’t guarantee my mom or my step dad won’t try to ‘Catch the Monkey’.
What else can I do besides buying them that WebTV doodad?

I’d be less aggravated and more understanding if I knew why they kept having PC problems. If it’s because of viruses they get from surfing or email attachments, I’d feel better but I honestly don’t know.

So, all you techno geeks, how the heck do I parent proof my parent’s pc?
Inquiring minds want to know?

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Pinball Song . June Pointer, R.I.P.

In honor of June Pointer, here is one of my all time favorite clips from Sesame Street, The Pinball Song.

I read once that the masters are lost and that essentially The Pointer Sisters improvised the song.

Here's a kicking Pinball Song Remix. It makes a great video game driving song, by the way.

Finally, here's a Family Guy version. When it first aired, I kept rewinding it and slowing the speed to see Stewie's reaction. Yes, I need to find more productive things to do.

Thanks go to Milk and Cookies and Devil Ducky for having these great clips!

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5 Night Stands. 1 Night Stand.

So I had a wrinkle in time last Sunday which caused us to miss the first half of Avenue Q. It was my brother’s birthday present and I folded space and time and wound up frantically packing chicken and fries into a bag. Long story that is embarrassingly inane.

So by the grace of the almighty Telecharge, we went last night. Now although I may be a Broadway fan and enjoy seeing musicals and plays, I hadn’t seen Avenue Q yet. First there was the hype. Then there was the price that went with the hype. Avenue Q would have been perfect if it stayed as an off-Broadway show but I guess you can’t charge the prices they charge on Broadway. However, I was curious to check it out and my brother’s enthusiasm pushed me to finally see it.

I’m not going to give a review. I will say that my husband was in tears at some of the songs. He truly enjoyed himself, which says something since he's a non-musical loving guy.

This show is truly not for kids and I find it odd that on occasion I see ‘special’ performance nights where they purposely say that the material is not intended for children. If a regular night was like last night, I don’t know where else they could possibly go to push the envelope of decency.

I mean, I saw puppet porn. I can now die knowing that in my lifetime, I’ve seen puppets going at it.

Anyway, great show. Incredible performances from many of the actors who played multiple roles.

And aside from my brother with his Herculean strength ripping an arm rest out of it’s socket, the laughs were all for the performances on stage.

Oh, one note, a 15 minute intermission is not long enough for a woman to go to the bathroom. By the time we made our way to the restrooms located on the bottom floor, the women’s line was serpentine. It snaked it’s way around to the other side of the bar, which by the way is something a woman does not want to see when she’s holding a full tank of gas.

Either add more stalls or let us use the men’s room.

Oh, this was from a 2004 debate the cast held. It wasn't part of the show but it was aired on television.

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Product placement hour at '24'

Today’s episode is brought to you by Super 8 Motel. Super 8 Motel, endorsed by Jack Bauer. Next time, I’m staying at Super 8.

The following is realtime commentary on this week's episode:

I can’t wait. Bill Devane is back and he’s ready to kick some Weezie butt. Bill Devane would probably be a kick ass grandfather.

Everything the government does is to protect 'our' interests. Everything rebels do is to protect ‘our’ interests. Whose interests are they really?

What's up with the bun, Scarecrow? Seriously, every episode the costumers make you look older and older.

L: Slimey Miles has such as evil sounding voice.
Why is Smiley Miles all up in Scarecrow's bun? I used to think it was because he loved to smell the roses planted on Scarecrow’s butt but now I think he’s working with Weezie and Robocop. Never trust a pasty white wrinkly man in the government. This holds true in real life too or so it seems.

"It's a direct order from the president." Slimey, either you follow blindly or you’re blindly following. Either case, you’re following the wrong person. Lemming.

Apparently, it’s pasty hour at CTU/HS. I suppose the air quality isn’t the best right now in CTU and I haven’t seen anyone stop for a lunch or cigarette break yet. Do you think CTU hires caterers? It’s not like Lispy, RIP, skipped any meals. I’m surprised everyone at CTU/HS doesn’t have a peg tube installed to ‘increase productivity’.

People go home from CTU/HS? Really? Hey, CTU is a government organization. Do employees get overtime? Are they unionized? Work/Life Balance benefits must be non-existent.

L: How'd they find the bank manager without asking Chloe?
pg: They probably Googled him on the Treos.

Jack: “(Wayne) you should stay here if you're scared.” I'm not scared. I was a marine, damnit.

Jack is a prodigy, that's all I can think of. He knows how to do everything, except how to maintain personal relationships. Jack makes James Bond look like a pansy.

I've got to get me one of those Eddie Bauer/Jack Bauer edition man bags for my husband.

Bill, I love you so, I always will
I look at you and see the passion eyes of May. Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day?

oooh Bill Devane must be using Flight Tracker with Google Earth capabilities. Oooh and he’s using my laptop, the Dell 700m!

Audrey, I haven’t always been nice to you but tell me, where’d you get that snazzy jacket?

Weezie’s balls have descended in the last hour. I suppose I'm supposed to suspend my disbelief. Well enough has happened in my own life to believe a possible wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Sunlight on the lino, woke me with a shake. I looked around to find her but she’d gone. Goodbye girl. Goodbye girl. Goodbye girl. Evelyn, you taught your daughter too well. She’s just 911’d Robocop.

Anyone else think FLOTUS on smoking something other than Benson and Hedges’ Menthols? The pot must be kicking in now. She has the glossy eyes to prove it. What are the signs again? Horny, Hungry, Hilarious and Paranoid. Well, she’s hit all of those so far.

Aaron: “Is there anything I can do for you Jack?”
Jack: “No, but whatever you do, Pantrygirl wants you to make sure you stay alive."

L: Maybe Aaron is Jack's father.
I don’t care, I just hate when good people get hurt or die for silly reasons.

Miles has grown a fan/hate club that the writers have now given him a last name, Papazian. He must be happy. Miles is now 'Popozoa'.

Quick, everyone change your ATM pin to 65135.

Jack: “We will kill your wife.” I shot an innocent women in the thigh this morning. Don't mess with me. Unlike Robocop, obviously this man loves his wife.

Can someone tell me how and when did Evelyn have time to go to the safe deposit box while nursing crazy-not crazy-but-probably crazy FLOTUS?

Carl, you don’t want to know what’s going on because once you know, you're dead. Best if you keep quiet and just let Jack and Wayne (aka Bacardi and Kahlua, the best nickname by far) do their thing.

Jack: “Wayne.” Wayne, what the hell are you doing? Don’t you know you’ve doomed this guy to death now? Death by Robocop.

Speaking of dead. Good morning, Starshine.
Little girls, there is a lesson to all this. If you’ve just been kidnapped, a part of a shoot out and watched your mother get shot, don't call 911.
The award for best reaction during the 11pm hour goes to little Evelyn. Little girl, keep emoting and you can be the next Gwyneth “I named my baby a fruit and one of the most well known figures in biblical history” Paltrow. Anyone else wonder how much confidence these kids are going to need going through life named Apple and Moses? What expectations do you get when you hear Moses? How about Apple?

No. Oh jeez, i don't need to see this. I need to cleanse my eyes now. I guess she’s in the horny phase of her high. Damnit, FLOTUS has needs!

What’s Nice and Easy doing at CTU/HS? I thought they let everyone go except Chloe.

Law enforcement against rebel law enforcement. Hmm. Get your popcorn and Raisinets ready. We're getting front row seats to a LAPD vs. Robocop gang shoot out. Imagine driving past that scene.

L: I like the James Bond-esque music.
You’re right. It’s slightly hokey. Is this something new? I don’t recall ‘24’ having a soundtrack like this before.

Everything always happens in the server room. Server room = Trouble, with a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'C' and that stands for 'Chloe'

Ok, the Cheesy James Bond music is getting annoying now.

And the award for best line during the 11pm hour goes to Chloe: "Are you kidding?" Priceless. Anyone else think that Women’s bathroom sign was inordinately large?

Ok, was the usual composer out on vacation or something? Who the hell ok'd the music?

Carl, it was nice knowing you. You’ll forever live in the Crewman Number Six Hall of Fame.

Jack: “Once we leave the bank, make a hard left.” No, Carl, you're other left.

See, I was minding my business walking to the local 7-Eleven when a convoy of tanks turned the corner and made their way into the strip mail where the local bank was. Holy cow! L: Great entrance.

Oooh, juicy tidbits revealed in this week’s teaser. Explosions. Bill Devane. Slimey Miles vs. Chloe. Nice and Easy playing nice and easy with Slimey Miles. Ooh, what I would pay to see Bill Devane beat the crap out of Weezie.

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

My husband had Classic Football. My brother and I had RBI Baseball.

Hours of my life were spent playing this game with my brother.

Great video Conor! Thanks for bringing back the memories.

How hard is it to give you my money?

Oh, before I forget, my husband was able to find the ticket and we figured out how much to pay. He tried calling the information number but was left on hold for so long, he was finally transferred over to a voice mail that office hours were over.

Frustration runs deep when you get a ticket. It’s turns into rage when you can’t even pay the damn thing because you’re not told how much to pay.

New York, fix the system will you?

Oh and I misinformed you, the letter stating the delinquency of the ticket and the possibility of suspension of license did not include a self address envelope.

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Alot of talk about nothing or what happens when you're sleep deprived

It’s been awhile but I can explain. I am so exhausted. On Friday I was in the office from 8am-midnight. On Monday I was in the office from 8am-1am. Today, I’m in the office from 7:30am-possibly 6pm.

For some reason the 2nd and 4th weeks of the month are the designated meeting weeks which means I’m in wall to wall meetings most of the day. To add that craziness, these meetings require some sort of prep on my part which means I need to stay after the meetings are completed to prepare for forthcoming meetings.

Life goes on though and I keep reminding myself, this too shall pass.

Last night, I got home, scarfed down some leftovers and immediately went back to preparing for a 11am meeting. Lrudlrick forced me to turn my laptop off at 2:30am. Thank you, Lrudlrick.

L: What time do you have to leave the house tomorrow so I can set your alarm?
pg: 7am. I guess that means my alarm should be set for 5:30am.
L: Are you insane?
pg: No, I’m a woman who moves extremely slow in the morning. I’ll brush my teeth and the next thing you know 30 mins has elapsed.
L: I’m setting it for 6am. Spritz yourself in the shower and that’s it. Jump in and out.
pg: But…
L: It’s almost 3am. I’m setting it for 6.

Well, someone was watching over me because I got up at 6 and got out the door by 10 past 7. I don’t know how. For all I know, I probably have toilet paper hanging out of my pants right now but I made it out the door.

Now, I don’t mind working so hard or even being engrossed in my work to the point where I can watch the Empire State Building’s lights turn on. I’m fine with it as long as I feel productive.

However, I know that this focus on work has left my home and personal lives a bit abandoned. I particularly feel it in my personal life. I have so many things to prepare and want to do personally that I’m a bit disheartened that I haven’t been able to do any of it this month.

Every month, I give myself another ‘personal to do’ to check off my list. I haven’t been able to work on anything on my list yet. I’m hoping after Thursday, I can find some time to have ‘me time’.

At home, I have my brother’s birthday present, which I totally flubbed on Sunday, to make up for and Easter brunch for my mom to work on. I have a dog that has hit allergy season head on and now has an ear infection that won’t go away and sink full of dirty dishes that hasn’t learned to put themselves into the dishwasher and self start.

I also promised to shoot some film of Shaggy, our vacuuming robot, to share with you but that hasn’t happened. Shaggy is a totally different beast than Scooby. He’s faster and has free reign of our apartment. We occasionally put him in a specific room to clean up but essentially give him the freedom to come and go as he pleases. He particularly enjoys our kitchen and the area under our butcher block.

Shaggy reminds me of those cute robot aliens that came down and developed friendships with Faye and Frank Reilly in *batteries not included. He seems more intuitive than Scooby. My robot cleaning army would be complete if iRobot would make a robot that did my laundry. You hear that iRobot people? We need laundry bots! In my lifetime I want a robot that can sort, wash, dry and iron. Is that too much to ask?

Speaking of laundry, one of the many conveniences I miss in our apartment is private laundry facilities. In our old apartment, we were allowed full functioning washers and dryers. This was a real convenience, especially since I’m married to a man who wears multiple layers winter, summer, spring and fall.

In our current building we are not allowed private washers and dryers. Instead we use our common laundry room in the basement. It’s not the perfect laundry facility in fact, we’re in the midst of renovating and updating our laundry room and equipment.

Last Saturday was the last straw for me. For a long time my husband took the duties of laundry but since his schedule has been crazier than mine, I’ve been offering to do the laundry on Saturdays while I’m doing the usual house cleaning/recycling projects.

Well, last Sunday our laundry room turned into the Lucy room. Between an overflowing washing machine, two out of order dryers, one dryer that periodically accepted additional quarters and one dryer that didn’t accept quarters but incremented the dry time if you hit the return button, it became a comedy of errors.

As I folded my laundry a soundtrack to this show played courtesy of my iPod, Mork. Mork offered ditties like David Bowie’s It Ain’t Easy and The Ink Spots Into Each Life, Some Rain Must Fall. The highlight was Spoon’s I Turn My Camera On which went pretty well with my neighbor pounding the crap out of the wishy-washy dryer that couldn’t decide if it would accept anymore quarters or not.

After her failed attempt, we chatted about different techniques we’ve used to get the dryer to work.

pg: I usually take a book from the library and bang the side plate with it for awhile. Yes, we have a library in our dryer. You need one when on average 1 of the 4 dryers is out of order.

Lt: Actually I do the hanger technique. I bend a hanger and fish it into the coin slot to push the quarter in.

J: Are you talking about getting that dryer to work? I’ve found if you kicked the side while pushing on the return slot sometimes works.

For the next 15 minutes my neighbors and I began sharing war stories about our laundry room. I think that is the most time I’ve actually spent with any of my neighbors, aside from the neighbors who invited us to tea two years ago.

I’m hoping our war stories will be stories of the past soon. Apparently if the union strike doesn’t prevent it, we should begin renovations for our new laundry facilities next week. We will be getting a fully tiled floor with new folding tables and laundry carts. In addition brand new sinks, high capacity washer and dryers will be installed. Finally, I will no longer need to save my quarters like they were the Mr. Goodbars in a pack of assorted Hershey’s chocolates. You know you hide those too. We will all be getting swipe cards that can be refillable online for the machines.

Still with all these strange rituals apartment dwellers need to deal with, I’m still siding against buying a house. The upkeep it just too much for me. I’m perfectly happy not shoveling snow or raking leaves or cleaning gutters. I never thought as a person raised in a house I’d say it but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t feel like I was missing anything if I didn’t buy a house.

Maybe the perception changes as I get older but right now, I’m happy to be have my 40 cubic feet.

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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

It's Spring and it's snowing. I should have stayed in bed.

I can sum everything that irks me today into one simple phrase, “What is your agenda?” It's my new catchphrase. Heathers had "What's your damage?" I have "What's your agenda?" Add that to my list of custom shirts I need to make.

By the way, does anyone know of a cheap custom shirt and sweats company? I have a ton of shirts I want to make for my own personal use but don't know of a custom shirt company that's not a bulk order company.

Everyone seems to be out for themselves. My friend said this morning, “When did things get so complicated? It used to be you didn’t have to go through this rigmarole.”

Since when did life become about watching one’s back at all times?

I’m a little miffed folks and the worst part is I can’t tell you why because of the very reason why I'm miffed.

All I can say is the more complicated society gets, the more I want to jump off the boat and move to a rural town and set up a bakery.

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Just give us your credit information and we'll debit you as we see fit.

We received a moving violation ticket a while back for tinted windows. Our car, C4 aka Ms. Dyno-mite aka Yakuza, has tinted windows which apparently looked just a little too dark for the cop sitting by the boat basin on the Westside. Meanwhile, she's over 2 years old and we've never had a problem before, go figure.

Anyhow, we got a letter in the mail yesterday warning us a suspension in his license if he doesn’t fork over a guilty plea and whatever the fine is.

Normally we’d fight a ticket like this but to be honest, the city has got us by the proverbial balls. Lrudlrick and I are swamped with work and don’t have time to spend all afternoon at traffic court.

So I brought the notice with me to the office to pay the darn thing online. You’d think the city would want our money as soon as possible but you can’t pay a moving violation online.

To make matters worse, the letter doesn’t tell you just how much the fine is. They have a tear out section to enter your credit card information but no information on just how much to expect the city to rape you.

They mention an enclosed card in the envelope but there is nothing in the envelope except for return envelope.

Am I to blindly give my credit card information to the city to charge what they desire?

It’s bad enough you charge us a convenience fee for paying parking tickets online, now your just asking us to give you our credit card info without stating the debit amount?

This girl isn’t a happy camper.

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Who's 'The Man'? Really? Are you serious?

All thoughts are in realtime:

I’d like to remind everyone that unlike the wimpy terrorists, Jack set his bomb for 30 seconds versus 10 minutes. If you want to talk about commitment, Jack has them beat.

With the gas no longer a threat, we can now spend the next 45 minutes topping each other with conspiracy theories and the hunt for the allusive 'Man behind the curtain.'

The writers really want us to hate Miles, The Scarecrow and Homeland Security. There were no signs of emotion at the survival of Jack. Immediately they asked about the Sentox and then bee lined to their clubhouse to discuss strategy. Way to endear yourself with us.

Isn't Julian Sands taller than Keifer? 5’11” vs. 5’10½”, according to IMDB. I don’t go around lifting people on a regular basis but I’m sure 5’11’’ Julian, dead weight at that, must have been a doozy for slim fit Keifer.
Nice knowing you Julian. You’re heading to the death ward. It was a nice guest stint while it lasted.

Jack scared = Pantrygirl stocking up on water, Depends undergarments, 44 year old crackers and traveling to rural Georgia to live with her cousins. Actually it isn’t that rural. The darn city has wi-fi so at least my Treos will be online. BTW, anyone know how to turn off the clicking sound on the camera feature? It annoys the flashers on the subway.

Is the actress who plays Audrey dating any of the writers? Seriously, the woman gets more airtime than anyone aside from Nina. Then again, after having the worst day ever, last season, I suppose redemption is called for.

Muthafunga, dares you to name another person who had a worse day last season. Think what you want of Audrey but the woman:
~ was kidnapped with dear old dad
~ fought her way out of a gun battle with 1 gun and a wicked pair of stilettos
~ watched her husband get tortured by her boyfriend and subsequently fatally shot to save her torture happy boyfriend
~ watched her brother get tortured and subsequently kicked out of the closet with a swift steel toe bootnot that anything is wrong with that, being gay not the steel toe part
~ watched her boyfriend die all in the same day.
Trump that CougarBait. That my friends, is the worst day ever.

Personally, Aaron is my candidate so far for having the worst day ever. All the man wanted to do was to do his job a few more years and then retire with full pension and benefits. First he started his day by nearly losing his job outing Walt Cummings. Now he’s spending the day babysitting loon-no-longer-a-loon FLOTUS and Wayne-I-was-a-Marine Palmer.

Evelyn has the proof. Ok, I get it. This season it’s about the wolf in sheep’s clothing. The weakest link is also the strongest lead.

Wayne, small talk, now? Is this the right time? Heck, why don’t you throw in a ‘Can you hear me now?’ You should have called Jack an hour ago. Quit the banter and get to the nitty gritty.

Slimey Miles. God I hate your voice. I don’t know what I hate more, your voice or your smug grin.

Ok, maybe Bill Buchanan has had the worst day ever. Someone give this guy a hug. The man’s authority is constantly usurped.

Psycho Bob rears his ugly self out again. Does David Lynch get any writing credit?

Lrudlrick, "Robocop can't kill a little girl. He’s supposed to serve and protect."

Obviously Slimey has no long term goals. He just likes to be smarmy and have the last word. He truly is a kiss ass of the worst kind. Wipe that brown smudge off your upper lip, Miles.

Lrudlrick, "Doesn't Wayne have people trying to kill him? What happened to the mercenaries roaming the Presidential compound?"

How the hell do you patch cell calls? Seriously, I can’t get my frickin’ speakerphone to work right.

I'm really hating Veeps now, a little too much.

Where the hell are there barns in LA? A meeting at a barn has never ended well. Anyone remember Chase and the whole my boss was willing to shoot me point blank?

Evelyn, it's frickin' Jack Bauer, tell him your deepest, darkest secret. Go ahead. Tell him about that time in college when you had one too many tequilas and your roommate Jessica had that back spasm that had to be rubbed. Jack why the hell aren't you choking it out of her? Are you turning soft in the late hours?

Wayne, you never saw combat. Wayne a marine? Really? A marine?

Ego rubs again. Damnit, all these men want are deep hard strokes. Now that I think about it, isn’t that what we all want?

Ooh, Pres Weezie, don't you get it. The guilty are always suspicious. Weezie you’re being played. Open your beady eyes!

Lrudlrick, "Jack drives a Toyota?" No, Evelyn drives the sensible Rav4. She’s a mother, remember.

Lrudlrick, "And Evelyn is going to die before she shares her secret." Way to go Jack. Make her spill the beans before she bites the big one!

10 people surrounding the barn could only mean one thing. We get to see Jack kill again. Yippee.

I’m Wayne Palmer. I'm brave. I wait until I see the whites of their eyes to shoot. I have to prove although I wasn’t in combat I’m a big man. Stroke. Stroke. Lrudlrick, "At least he didn't shoot him in the back."

Gun shot to the stomach. Knife to the neck. Jack is going special ops Splinter Cell on us. If 24: The Game is anything like this, I’d buy a Playstation to play it.

Robocop that was cold, running over your own henchmen.

Frickin' Weasel! Holy crap, the idiot is behind this plot! Now I’ve been played! Lrudlrick, "I guess he's not that stupid after all. The President is an evil genius. That is something."

I don't buy it. Sorry but two seasons of Goofus and we're supposed to believe that he's secretly Verbal Kint? He’s not that good. What's the agenda? What does he get for playing the ineffectual leader of the United States? Don’t get me started, folks. How far back does this go? Was he playing us since last season? Did he plan the death of the elected president? My vote is he’s longing for another long hard stroke of his ego. “I did it for the people. I’m a patriot, damnit!” Does FLOTUS know?

Maybe FLOTUS is having the worst day ever.

Heck, CTU employees are having the worst day ever.

Oh forget it, 24 viewers may be having the worst day ever.

What this season of 24 has taught me so far:
1. Idiots are in charge.
2. Always have a back up plan and a back up plan for a back up plan.
3. You can be blinded by patriotism.
4. You can be tortured by needle happy Burke but have perfect hair after an hour but stick my in the rain for ten minutes and I look like a wet cat.
5. If I had the option to go to CTU medical center or a Santerian Shaman in Nigeria, I’d choose the chicken bones and coconuts.
6. Jack uses some kick ass deodorant and must use Tide To Go on his clothing. The Lost people are on that island and after an hour they all look smelly and grimy. Jack’s been in tunnels, shoot outs and explosions and he doesn’t even have a 5 o’clock shadow. I say Degree should do a product tie in and make ‘Degree 24 – Protects men who take risks to protect you.’

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Monday, April 03, 2006

The one about my fear of chainsaws in the shower.

Last week was spent traveling to and fro. So much so I finally got to sit down and take a breather at 4pm on Friday. This was a bad move because anyone who has spent an entire day on their feet will tell you that the moment you get off your feet, they swell. Not only do they swell, they turn red and get really hot. Not only that but they also magically develop heart beats.

My feet were in so much pain, my colleague asked me if I was ok and I begged him to wheel me in my behemoth Apprentice chair to the subway station.

Somehow I made it home. I changed into sneaks, took the pooches out, heated a pizza for Lrudlrick and then promptly passed out. I was out like a light from 9:30pm-midnight. Around 11 I did wake up for a split second. I hadn’t heard my husband come in so I began to worry what was taking him so long. After countless phone conversations with my MIL who swears that danger lurks in every bush, corner and lamppost, I began thinking the worse. Being the good wife that I was I decided that if I couldn’t report him missing for 24 hours anyhow I might as well go back to bed and deal with a missing husband after I was well rested.

Lrudlrick, I love you but I was really really tired.

Anyway, at midnight, I woke up to check my cell to see if he called and discovered Lrudlrick eating the pizza I heated up hours earlier on the couch while watching Scarface. Lrudlrick will point out time and time again, “That’s a brilliant movie.

Now, I don’t hate Scarface. I think it’s one of the classics. I just have two issues with Scarface. 1. Every time it’s on cable I always catch it when Richard Belzer does his stand up act and that weird rolly polly dude gets shot at. Can someone tell me how that rolly polly dude is entertainment at a night club? 2. I was 9 years old when Scarface came out. Nine. Yet my father who desperately wanted to see this film I don’t blame him had babysitting duties and well, that’s how at the age of 9, I saw Scarface in the movie theatre with my father.

I suppose my father knew their was some type of ‘R’ rating for this movie but honestly, I don’t remember if people really paid attention to the ratings back then. Sans the ‘XXX’ rating, my parents let me see everything from Cat People to Sleeping Beauty. BTW, It is because I got to see Cat People at an early age that I had a very misguided interpretation of sex and cats.

Going back to Scarface, I suppose everything was ok until the bathroom scene. You know what scene I’m talking about. It involves a chainsaw and a human head. Anyway, all I remember was hiding behind my sweater and blanking out until the end of the movie when Tony meets his demise.

I don’t think I saw another movie with my dad for a long while after that night. When we started going to the movies together again, we stuck with comedies and blockbusters like Indiana Jones.

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Saturday, April 01, 2006

Words to Live By

“Only goodness and love will pursue me all the days of my life; I will dwell in the house of the LORD for years to come.” –Psalm 23:6

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