Monday, August 14, 2006

You know the easiest thing to do is to be bitter.

Call me a sucker for punishment.
Call me an idiot.
Call me whatever.

Everyone knows I have a bone to pick with my FIL. My husband swears I hate him. I don’t hate him. I hate Hitler. I don’t hate my FIL. I don’t like his rationalization and weasel ways but I don’t hate him. I don’t like how he left my husband without a father as a child but I don’t hate him. I don’t like how he treats women or his family but I don’t hate him. We just have a difference of opinion.

Still I try to make an effort to be civil, polite and respectful. I make my treks to visit him every other month. My husband said once that he does what he does because when he meets his maker, he wants to say he did what was right and good.

Although I don’t complain, our bi-monthly visits have become a sour spot because, well, they used to be such a gripe-fest for me that I’ve sort of tainted them. I didn’t make it easy for my husband and now when we have to go, he profusely apologizes. I told him that he doesn’t need to apologize but he continues to reiterate his appreciation of me wasting an entire day for our journey to sit on a couch for 3 hours staring at an unused fire place.

So, in the spirit of ‘What would Jesus do?’ and for the benefit of my relationship with my husband and God, I’m spending this week meditating on my father-in-law.

At this point, my friends and family who are reading this will be emailing and calling me. “You’re doing What?!”

I’m not doing this for praise or some reward. I’m doing this because if I can’t be compassionate to those who hurt me and the people I love, how can I say I really know compassion. Plus, I’m feeling really guilty about making these trips harder on my husband. It’s been ten years. “If he can’t be the grown-up, I’ll be the grown-up and you by marriage should do the same. Do you really want to be like him, the child?” How I hate it when Lrudlrick is right.

So for the next week, I will attempt to be more like my husband and be compassionate to his father.

Day 1: Without him, my husband wouldn’t be here

Ok, this is an easy one, sort of. Without his momentary marriage to my MIL, Lrudlrick would not have been born. Sure, I can return that back; I wouldn’t be writing about being more compassionate to this guy if Lrudlrick wasn’t around but in a twist of fate, I’d take two of him if I had to just to have the chance to have my path cross with Lrudlrick’s.

So I guess I should be thankful that he is around, he fell in love with my MIL, got married and had Lrudlrick.

"Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger."

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