Thursday, August 03, 2006

Why did I want to fast again?

Today is a day of silence at the retreat. It's a day we reflect on
our inner self. I find it interesting that it falls on a Thursday.
In the blogosphere we generally have Thursday memes.
So here I am sitting on a chair under the shade of a tall tree staring
into the forest you see in the photo posted today.
There is a lot to reflect on but everything comes randomly.
I realize that I truly miss my husband and taking care of him. I miss
making sure he's ok. I miss feeding him and listening to him rant or
simply share his day. I miss feeling his hand holding mine. I miss
how protected I feel when he's near me and how he makes me feel like I
could do anything.
I realize that I miss my frenetic routine. I enjoy escaping it from
time to time and by no means do I love it but it's my routine, no one
else has quite the same. Here I'm obligated to follow the routine set
for me. Although it allows for differences it's pretty much the same
as everyone else here.
I realize I can accomplish anything I set my mind to it. Even though
my husband is my support line, it's good to remember I am one strong
person. Detox fasting isn't fun. It helps to do it in a group. It
also helps to know I'm not forced to do this because of an ailment.
Still it's no picnic. I wouldn't recommend doing it at home. Away
from the stress and temptation and along with peers helps. I have
today and tomorrow left on juice after which I get to go back on
solids. Joy!
I realize there are good people in the world. I always knew there
were but sometimes being in the city can make you think an agenda is
at hand. Everyone here is here for there own personal reasons but
humanity and compassion is more prevalent. Maybe it's the atmosphere.
Maybe it's the lack of desire for worldy goods. Whatever it is, it
makes you freely give of yourself to others.
I realize community is community. I know this sounds hokey but I miss
my church. I miss listening to the readings and reflecting. I miss
walking home with my husband and discussing the homily. I attend
service daily here with my cousin but although the meanings are the
same the reflection isn't.
I miss driving my car. I really miss feeling the wind in my hair
while I'm heading down a long stretch of highway. Sure, I drove to
the lake but that was a 10 minute drive. I'd like to be able to get
in my car and just drive and not to get a cheeseburger.

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