Monday, May 05, 2008

One bourbon, One scotch and One beer


We took our first childbirth class yesterday. I’ll be honest, I went to my happy place. I didn’t go deep into my happy place but I could feel I was disconnecting myself from the demonstrations. It’s just amazing what our body will do.

I was much better watching the movies. At least with the movies, even though I know I’ll be going through what the ladies went through, there was a face that wasn’t mine on the screen.

It also didn’t help the room was a sauna. The instructor decided during the last hour of 5 hours that she should turn on the air conditioner. “Of course your warm honey. You’ve got a bun in the oven. Ha!” Even my husband’s jokes weren’t cutting it for me toward the end of class.

I kept going to the bathroom just to get a breath of cool fresh air.

I was pretty apprehensive about these classes. My husband isn’t the type that would dive head first into these classes. He already calls them, “The classes we pay an arm and a leg for and probably won’t find useful.”

What if the teacher is too crunchy? What if they are Nazis? What if it becomes so annoying my husband can’t contain his sarcasm? What if I totally flip out? What if I worry too much about him that I really don’t get anything out of it? What if it really is a waste of money?

There are a total of 10 couples in our class. We spent the first hour meeting with everyone and discussing our apprehensions. Then there was a demonstration of what happens inside a woman’s body during labor and then 3 birthing movies followed by discussions.

Immediately, my husband and I recognized couples we may relate to. My husband also played his game and yes, his theory continues. Of course, with that we also determined the couples we could relate to the least.

The heat hit most especially the men, as I caught some, including my husband, napping a bit. Give a man a pillow, a warm room and diagrams of female parts during childbirth and they too go to their happy place for a while.

In the end I think the class was helpful. I’m still anxious but in a strange way, it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one feeling anxious. Heck, some women were more anxious, some less. Some opted homebirthing. Some opted for birthing center births. I’m not that brave and said very nicely I’m a hospital type of gal, although I’ve never been admitted to a hospital before.

The one thing that had to be addressed and needs to be hashed out is my desire for a doula and my husband’s reluctance for one.

My husband’s view is that any woman who has given birth can provide doula support including his mother, my mother or a friend. “These people at least really care about you. A doula is paid to care.”

My view is my MIL has expressed she really probably wouldn’t be much help. My mother probably would mean well but cause me more anxiety and a friend just doesn’t make sense as most people I know had kids years ago. I want someone I won’t have to worry about during labor. I’ll be worrying about my husband and my baby. I don’t need to worry about someone else.

Plus, a doula should have had so much experience, they can offer positions and relaxation techniques others may not have to offer.

“The doctors and nurses are there to do that.”

“Actually honey they are they for the clinical part only.”

‘Physical. Clinical. That’s the same thing.”

“Actually, no, it’s not.”

I think I’m just being very anxious and want someone with experience and someone who will be non-judgmental to be there for me.

“Honey, I just don’t want you get negative. You make it sound like you have no one to be there for you when pretty much everyone probably wants to be there. You yourself are choosing to close your family and friends out.”

I don’t think I’m being negative. I just don’t need my labor and delivery to be a dinner and a show.

Maybe hubby thinks l&d is more like the movies and tv. It’s not. People don’t rush from all points to get to the hospital. The mother generally are tired and feel and look exhausted and don’t want Grand Central running through her recovery room.

Maybe I’m thinking it isn’t like the movies when it is. Several of my girl friends have said they were happy for the respite before the crowds came. Several of my friends said they were happy for the convoy of visitors immediately afterwards. I think I’d be happy with some rest and time to compose myself.

Am I being selfish? Am I excluding people? This is a scary and an intimate event and there is no need to have everyone there. I just want my husband and maybe a doula.

“How is that intimate? Intimate is my mom, your mom and me. Intimate is not me and some strange woman.”

I know it makes no sense but I think the opposite.

Next class we discuss coping mechanisms. My husband suggested bringing the above.

The scariest part of the demonstration:
"Put your index fingers and thumbs together to form a circle. That's how wide your vagina needs to open to get your baby out."

And with one sentence, my visit count expands considerably...Sorry if you came across my post because of a Google search of 'wide vagina'.

Pantrygirl moment:
As the instructor dimmed the lights to watch the first movie, I whipped out a ziploc bag of chocolate covered peanuts. My husband looked at me like I was insane. Who noshes during a birthing video? Apparently, I do.