Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Doing what I always do, ponder.

When in a relationship there are certain things that one does that annoys the other person. But what if what makes a person who they are is what annoys the partner?
Do you try to suppress it? Do you try to minimize it when he/she is around? Should you suppress who you are?
I believe that in all relationships there are pushes and pulls and in order for things to work, one must be cognizant and make an effort. Maybe in right. Maybe I'm wrong. But if you love a person you can't just not make an effort. I'm not saying to change oneself but at least try. 
With that try there is a lot of debate. That's why I'm here. There is a lot of introspection. 

Last night I tidied up. I didn't clean up. I tidied up. I didn't get to tidy everything. I was very tired but it helped me inner peace. 
I took a shower to wash away the day and then slept on the couch. 

In the late night, sometime after 1, DS woke up and asked to cuddle. I walked him to bed just as DH returned from walking the dog. I greeted him and then went into the bedroom.

In the morning, I woke up and crept out of the room to give me 5-10 minutes to tidy the kitchen. I hadn't had a chance to tidy the kitchen before Mr. Sandman beckoned.

I started preparing lunch for S and washing dishes. I woke up DD at 7:15am and DS came out with me and sat patiently in the dining room as I cooked. The kids had their breakfast on the table by 7:30am. DD ate at 7:40am. Hair was done, lunches and bags were packed. Teeth were brushed and DH returned from walking the dog around 8:00am to take her to the bus.

I know it sounds weird I'm focused on time but DH said he wanted the kids eating by 7:40 in order to catch the bus.
I washed and dried all the dishes from breakfast and then started prepping for work. 

Everything is very casual and in my opinion running fine. No franticness or loud noises and minimal whining. (With a 3 year old there is a degree of whining that has become normal.) In fact, when DH woke up around 7:40, he even kissed me good morning and thanked me for tidying up.

DH came back and took a shower. 
I got dressed.
I got DS dressed as DH said they planned to head to the local shops in the morning to buy parts to set up our air conditioners and fix our television (possible faulty HDMI cable).

I did not prepare breakfast for DH or myself. I chose not to because of time plus, in all honesty, now that meal times have been divided into kid meal time and us eating on the go, it's been hard to really get the energy to make a second meal essentially. I know it's one thing I'd like to change. I'd like to implement a one day a week mommy daddy dinner. Kids can eat on their play table and the rule is they cannot bother us for our entire meal. If anyone has done this and has been successful, let me know.

Anyway, I think things started going south at this point. DH asked me if I had time to wait for him to put the laundry in the dryer. I said sure. He said no, go. He then told DS that they were going to the shops. Then he went into the kitchen and started surfing on his computer.
DS packed his backpack for his excursion to the shops and put on his shoes. He was sitting at the bench by the front door waiting patiently. 
DH walked by to grab an egg and saw him and told DS that he should take his shoes off, Daddy wants to make breakfast for himself first.
DS being 3 said no and that he was ready to go. He began to protest and whine. 
I tried to calm DS and took his shoes off and asked him to read a book or even play with his iPad.
DH said he'd forget breakfast. I suggested he try to make breakfast while I calm DS down.

DS sat patiently on the black bench playing with his iPad.
I was scuttling around tidying things up. I made our bed (3 protective covers and the fitted sheet. Phew.).
I picked up wet towels and hung them in the bathroom.
Then I heard a text message on my phone. I sat down next to DS to reply and DH walked by to see me seated there and he seemed upset and said he would make breakfast after the shops.
He said that he didn't want me waiting for him. I told him I wasn't it. I was just responding to a text and about to put my shoes on, hence why I was sitting by the door.
He dropped what he was doing and he took off with DS. At the door, he asked if I was coming. Honestly, I wanted to leave at my pace as I felt his pace was very frenetic. I said I would head out soon and not to wait up for me. He looked confused. "You have to go to work", he said. "I know. I wanted to reply to the text and then take the garbage and recyclables down." "You don't have to." "I know but since I'm heading out, I like to take the trash out too."
He doubles back in and mumbles he forgotten he had to go to the laundry room anyway and he picks up the garbage and recyclables.
I grab my shoes and bag as it seems that he wants me to just leave.
As I search for my keys to lock the door, he says not to lock the door he forgot something.
I go out to the elevator and pick up the recyclable and trash and bring them into the elevator our son has been patiently holding open for us.
"We should wait for Daddy, Mommy." said my son. "Yes, very galant, DS." I replied.

As we headed down to the basement, DH was confused why I wouldn't just head to work. "I'm heading down there anyway. Why don't I do the garbage and recyclables." "It's ok. You can do the laundry and I'll take care of this."
In my mind, if I can help with the recyclables, garbage and donations (books and things I wanted to put in the shared library), he can focus on the laundry, finish that quickly and then go out to the shops and head home for breakfast sooner.
I finished the recyclables, garbage and donations, washed my hands and said goodbye and lingered. DH looked at me as he was putting money in the dryer and said, "Ok, goodbye." And that was that. No kiss. no hug. 

I left and went to work. 

So why write this down? Because one it hurts. Two, what did I do? Did something that is inate in me set him off? What could I have done differently? Would it have changed the outcome?