Monday, July 23, 2012

The Toilet Paper Roll Whisperer

I get asked once a week, why do you do this? Why don't you do nothing.
I can't. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a woman. We don't do nothing.

I really try not to multi-task. I know they say it's not good for you but bloody hell. Unless I have the magical ability to stop time, there is no way things can get done without it.

I am the woman that brushes her teeth and restocks the shampoos and soaps while showering.

I am the woman that makes dinner, washes dishes and makes grocery and menu lists while cooking.

I am the woman that wakes up early so she can sort trash and recyclables, sort laundry and review work emails.

It's just the way it has to be.
The one place I try not to multi-task is when playing with my kids.
I want them to know I have their attention. I expect theirs.

I also do things to help my family along. I will wake up early to start breakfast so that my husband doesn't have to worry about it while juggling two kids.

I will find his wallet, cellphone, keys, ids, etc and place them by the front door or charge them so they are fully charged the next morning.

I will refill the toilet paper and paper towels because I wouldn't want anyone to be in a bind.

I take the extra seconds to do the tiny things to avoid the annoyances or inconveniences yet I'm told either I am not prioritizing or when I do forget, it causes a cataclysmic eruption of "holy crap!"

What's the deal? Do I tell myself, suck it up, man. You got them into the habit of having toilet paper available. Just be glad you're not wiping their asses too.

Do I tell myself, stop? No, because I have to be all Christian and have a little voice that says, "Do unto other as you would have them do." By the way, that's when the human me says, "What I really like them to do is fill the damn toilet paper."

A few weeks ago, I noticed that empty toilet paper rolls were being left on a towel rack. Like little soldiers they were lined up to the point where they filled the length of the rack. What the hell is that about?
Honestly, is that a message to me to fill the damn toilet paper roll?

Anyone who knows me, knows that would not be me. Either I'd take the roll and stash it for some crazy arts and crafts project with the kids or I'd recycle it.

I left them there to see what would happen. Would anyone say anything to me? Would someone throw them out? I even had a girlfriend ask for a daily report. She'd text me, Don't recycle them no matter how much you want to.
So finally after several days of toilet paper soldiers staring at me as I peed, I asked my husband, "Ugh, what's up with the empty toilet paper holders?

DH: Huh? Oh, I thought you did that.
PG: Why would I do that?
DH: I don't know. I didn't notice them. You did.

WTH? How do you not notice 9 empty toilet paper rolls on the towel rack. Sure, you don't face that toilet rack when you go but still.

Honestly, does he just not see these things? Is it like male refrigerator blindness?