Pregnancy hormones a-flaring...

What the hell is with the third degree?
Now I just spent an hour being interrogated about whether or not I have decided my eldest child will start school early now that a baby is on the way.
First, what is it your business and second, I understand your thoughts on shuttling one kid out the door to make way for the next but I'm just not like that.
Why can't folks just congratulate you on your pregnancy?
I'm sure they mean well but it puts me off. It's as if they are saying to me, did you plan this pregnancy or did he not pull out? Isn't one child enough for you? Do you want to subject yourself to another kid and the insanity? Well, obviously you won't be able to handle two at once so are you going to ship one to school or daycare early? Thanks for the damn vote of confidence people.
To topper is the last comment in this all in one conversation, folks. (I'm so surprised I didn't bust out the crazy Asian woman on her.) "Well, remember, you can't just sit in the house all day and talk baby talk. A person needs to get away from children."
WTF? Ok, I get she was trying to be 'helpful' and meant well but geez. 1. We don't speak baby talk. Never have. Never will. 2. Yes, everyone needs time away from their kids to regroup and maybe shower but I seriously got the feeling she was telling me this to tell me not to have anymore kids. WTF!
I get she was trying to protect people but come one. My husband and I maybe crazy but we know we want and love this baby. Our daughter loves this baby. If anyone is going to make a decision or plans for our family, it's our family. Back off!
I get this person may be scared. I know having more than one kid is even more challenging than the first. I know how rough it was in the beginning with one and adding another will be hard but we're not re-inventing the wheel. We can do this. I may not be socially well off but we'll get by.
The lack of confidence ticks me off. Don't I have enough to worry about? Good golly!

Pregnancy does not open the door to my privates. Back off.

Some folks may disagree with me but I don't think that a person should ask a pregnant person if they were planning to have the child that is currently gestating in their womb.
Honestly, have we gotten to a point in society where we need to know everything?
I'm not as pissed as I was yesterday about this whole mess.
I wanted to respond, that is none of your business (written for polite eyes).
Why do people feel the need to ask the most invasive questions of a woman after they announce their pregnancy or any other big news?
I just find it all too invasive.
I already have strangers poking around down there. Would you like to come along for the internal exam with me next week?
Now, I'm not one who gets too upset when strangers touch my belly. I figure, it's freaking huge and it's protruding so. So DH thinks it odd that I'm so offended by the question.
I think the offense is that it's the first damn question some folks ask. What the hell?
I'm trying to put a positive spin. Maybe they were blown away and it came from left field. Maybe they just want to be included in some shape or form.
To me, I'll try to be open but let me have some privacy with my husband or would you have liked to be present for insemination?

Heartbeats, Minivans & Peeing in Public

DH and TG attended an ultrasound with me today.
TG seemed to remember the office and even asked to go grocery shopping afterwards. This was something we did last time. She's got a great memory. I'm very happy to see this.
She was very friendly and outgoing with everyone today and I think it helped that we were the only ones there. When it's a large crowd, she tends to reserve herself.
She heard the heartbeat again and seemed quite happy.
DH seemed a bit happy too.
I'm glad.
Afterwards DH asked to check out new cars. "I just want to look. I don't think we'll need one. I don't want you to think I'm going crazy again."
I guess he knows me after 14 years.
We went to appease the caveman in him.
In a funny set of circumstances, he actually liked the minivan. If you know my husband, this is a big thing. My husband swore up and down he'd never get a minivan.
Later we had a mini moment of the toddler has to potty and we don't have the potty seat panic. She quickly rebounded and claimed she didn't want to go anymore. Of course this was after DH purchased a potty seat at the store so now we have two portable potties. Well, at least we can keep one in the car now.
It was quite humorous watching my husband sort of panic when our daughter stopped in her tracks and said, "I have to go pee pee." He ran down the aisle screaming, where can I get a portable potty? I sort of chuckled.
I nearly peed myself when he came running back ripping the plastic sealed container as if he was the Hulk and prepping the potty up for her. Oh, by the way, he apparently thinks that our 2.5 year old still doesn't mind peeing in public. I finally convinced him to let me take her to a nursing room as the public bathrooms still are a no no for her. Nada. Zilch.
By this time, I had to pee so she came with me to the potty. In this public bathroom, they had not only a changing table in the stall but also a mini seat for toddlers to sit in while Mommy goes to the bathroom.
I thought this thing was ingenious and better than sliced bread. TG thought it was a ride and had a blast sitting on the mini seat that was just high enough that her feet were off the ground and she felt it was a cool toy.
Why didn't someone invent and install this doodad sooner and why don't more bathroom stalls have these?

Reaction

My husband seems to be out of it lately. He's lethargic and complains of being tired a lot. He's also lost some color in his face. I think this is his reaction to being a dad to more than one kid.
I know men react differently than women. I know each pregnancy equals a different reaction.
I know that I was afraid to announce it to him because of his last 'hunter/gatherer' reaction. I wasn't quite sure how it would manifest now but I suspect this is part of it.
I've been asking him to go to the gym and workout more to help him but the lethargy has caught me off guard.
Partly because the lethargy could be due to the weather being so grey and awful and partly because it could be a symptom of anxiety.
I'm probably reading into this too much but I'm pregnant and I'm allowed to.

I started talking to you

8w6d
I'm having a hard time eating. I don't recall it like this last time.
I recall some queasiness and some likes and dislikes but it seems more so this time around.
I'm ok with warm clementines in salads now.
Apples are a big hit.
The last three days I've skipped the dinners I made for your sister and dad and ate like a rabbit.
Yesterday your sister fed me carrots, celery and cucumbers.
Meat doesn't seem appealing again.
Pasta isn't appealing.
Eggs are a big hit.
I find that a lollipop to ease queasiness every now and then is helpful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I still don't feel like this is real.
I think I felt you shifting things to your liking. Your dad says it's too early but I'm fairly certain I felt some movement of things. It may not be you persay but it is definitely shifting.
I had to wear your dad's shirt today. I mean I can still wear my shirts but I'm feeling a little hip-py lately.
I guess I need to start unpacking my maternity clothes in the near future.
There is a lot to plan and think about but I'm in between denial and panic. I know though that things will work out somehow with God's help so I'm trying to keep my wits and remember what your dad said to me when your sister was growing in my belly. He reminded me not to worry to make you worry.
I never want you to worry like that, at least as long as I can hold that out. Life is full of stress and worry. I will try my best to help you get through the normal worries and stress of life but as long as I can, I'll try to keep these things to a minimum for you.
If there is one thing I want for you and your sister, it's to be able to absorb and enjoy life. God gave us so many wonders, ToF. I want you to discover these wonders and continue to learn and ask and experience. As I tell your sister every night, always ask questions. Always read. Always continue to learn and grow wiser, stronger and smarter.
God has blessed your Mommy and Daddy with you and your sister. It is a blessing we are thankful for each and every day and we will do our best to help guide you as the Lord has requested. I love you ToF. I may be scared and nervous and all kinds of normal Mommy worries but my love for you is endless.

Art Class & Egg Hunts

I'm exhausted. I feel awful because I feel like I should have more energy for my 2 year old but right now, I just want to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing.
Granted, today was a busy day.
This morning we went to hunt Easter Eggs in October weather. Seriously, it was freezing outside. Everyone had winter coats on. I was waiting for someone to take us to a corn maze instead of actually hunting for Easter Eggs. For the first time, I was jealous of the Dad who was dressed in the warm Easter Bunny costume.
This year, TG seemed to be more understanding of the concept and even told me she would look for a green egg. She wasn't as fast as most kids and only found two eggs but I don't mind. No need to make this a competition and besides, my child was perfectly happy with two eggs and one of them was green.
Inside one egg, she found a rainbow ball like toy and in the other a green 'Happy Easter' stamp. She was pretty psyched and asked me to show her how the stamp worked at home.
Afterwards, we skipped the bake sale (TG and I aren't sweets people.) and instead went to decorate wooden eggs. We spent a good 30 minutes decorating her egg. In the freezing cold. With winds pulling in from the Hudson River.
Later, I asked if she wanted to paint her face and she kindly declined. I guess this kid is like me. I wasn't a bit face painting person either.
She didn't get up and personal with the Easter Bunny but she did say she wanted to give the Easter Bunny and egg. From a far, she waved at EB and I took that as a step up from our usual encounters with character costumes.
We headed home and had just enough time for lunch and a potty break before we headed out to our first art class.
She absolutely loved it. There were 4 projects for the day. I did one of the 4 for her but that's expected of a 3 year old. Jeannine the teacher said it's common between projects for 2-3 year olds to run around to let out some steam. She was right. All the kids ran around like soda bottles that were shaken prior to opening.
I liked that each class has a theme and concepts. Today's theme was pirates and began with a pirate story. This lead to activities that allowed our toddler to practice using scissors. Yes, our daughter has used scissors before. For the first time, she was able to cut felt. The cuts were small and she isn't at a point where she could cut a traced item but it was great to see her carefully put her thumb in the holes of the scissors and attempt to cut. If you are wondering, yes, she used her left hand.
She also learned that you can mix colors to make other colors.
She also did her thing by assisting with clean up.
Jeannine was surprised to see how clean TG liked to be. She was blown away though when she went crazy with the finger paints. I didn't even want to go into how she painted herself green like the Hulk just two days before.
TG loves to finger paint. It's getting glitter and anything else on her body that she's opposed of.
In the end she didn't want to leave. I head to explain that next week we'd be back and next week's theme was Easter eggs and bunny rabbits.
She seemed to love the other class artwork. She pointed to the rainbow and the mural of seahorses and asked if she could do it too?
I think this going to be a fun class for her and me.

TG loves to take classes.

TG asks to go to classes now. She's asked several times to attend a swim class again. Problem with finding a swim class in NYC, is pool temperature and proximity.
Truth is, if it takes more than an hour to get to the class, it's not worth the hassle. Plus most swimming pools in the city are freaking cold.
The last swim class we went to the temperature was 78 degrees. That might sound warm but when you have an infant or toddler in the pool with you and you really aren't doing laps but more learning to kick and put your face in the water, your lips turn blue, which is exactly what our daughter's lips did.
I think we're going to go for a swim class further downtown but within a reasonable travel distance. We heard good things about this one place in terms of temperature. Of course price is probably much higher.
Another place uptown has classes but they are halting classes as they convert their pool from a chlorine pool to a saltwater pool which should be interesting.
So I'm on a hunt for a swim class for my 2.9 year old.
In the meantime, we also signed up for an art class. We haven't done much art in a group setting. We had fun in our community co-op but DH wasn't keen on continuing the schedule as he's not a routine type of guy. The co-op met on a day when I wasn't available so that went down the drain. I found a class now that meets on a day that I'm free and I can take TG easily. I think she'll enjoy it as she's been into glueing and pasting with me lately.
I try not to sign us up for too many things because she's so young plus, I'm a big proponent of having fun without schedules. We live in a giant park. She has more fun discovering snakes and ants and rocks and plants and I want her to enjoy that.
Still I know at this age, socialization is important so I try to coordinate impromptu playdates and occasional classes in the mix.
That's why I love these voucher passes that some places have where you aren't locked into a specific class. You can pick and choose based on the week what works best for you. I wish more places offered this option.

Dinosaurs, Oh My!

Today TG and her friend, Carrots, went to a special pre-opening of the Biggest Dinosaur at the Natural History museum.
The whole day, I themed around the event.
In the morning, we read, "Dinosaurs Love Underpants."
As we took a trip to the post office, we talked about what she might see at the new exhibit.
By the time we came home, she was psyched and ready to go.
I told her that she'd need to nap early because the event was in the late afternoon. It took a few reminders but by 1pm, she was out.
We're also starting the new routine of sitting on the potty before we go outside. In the past she was against this but now she knows if we want to go outside, we need to sit in the potty.
So far so good. Consistently, she's going without protest and she's actually going!
This saves me as I don't feel like I need to panic and find a bathroom or carry the portable potty for short trips.
I hope it lasts.
TG woke up exactly two hours later and said, "I"m over here! I'm ready to see the dinosaurs."
She sat on the potty as we multi-tasked and ate our afternoon snack. We got dressed and then walked to Carrot's place to pick him and his mom up.
Carrots was having a slow go after his nap so we sent TG in and the conversation was so freaking adorable.
TG: Hi Carrots!
Carrots: Hi TG!
TG: Are you ready to see the dinosaurs?
Carrots: Yes, I am ready to see the dinosaurs.
TG brought with her her stuffed dinosaur and Jay Raffe, of course. She even shared dinosaur with Carrots.
It was very sweet.

Short end of the play stick

So I feel kind of bad but my dog is really getting the short end of the stick with me. Thank goodness for my husband because this poor pouch is the last thing on my mind these days. I love her but she's too young and too rambunctious for me right now. I can't deal with frisbee puppy while chasing a toddler.
I know I spoiled my other pooches and I feel for this pup. Don't get me wrong, Tasha gets spoiled. Fresh meat fat, eggs and preservative free puppy food. This pup has a good meal. She gets daily ball and frisbee play and gets a new toy or treat almost every other week.
Still, I know she wants more time but I just don't have it.

My own personal alarm clock

My daughter has been consistently waking up at 6am nowadays. We try to tell her to stay in bed until 8:30a. For the most part, she's ok with this as she has every book and toy imaginable with her.
Actually, I suppose 6am isn't bad because that rolls into a 12:30n nap easily and an 7:30p bedtime.
It's funny though her internal clock is pretty on the money.
When does our own internal clock get so out of whack?
I think kids are more intune with their circadian rhythms than us adults.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know I get a good amount of sleep but my family is all over the place. My husband goes to bed around 2am and wakes up at 5-6 to take the dog before he returns to bed. I would love to sleep from 8pm-8am but usually go from 11pm-2am and then back to bed from 4am-8am. What's the deal with old people and waking up in the middle of night? I don't mean the peeing aspect. I mean even after I pee, I still don't go back to sleep right away.

I'm an emotional mess.

I'm so much more emotional this time around. I try hard not to focus too much on it and remind myself God says not to let anxieties get to me. It's much more difficult now.
I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm delighted. I'm vain this time around. I'm unemotional. I'm a basket case.
I go from one spectrum to the next.
This time, I'm not reading a million books of development and parenting. This time, I'm just trying to keep status quo.
I think that's probably one of the stresses. Once I let that go, I think I'll be ok. I can't think things will be status quo. Nothing is ever status quo. What a boring life that would be.
I'm going to be a good mom. There is no need to fear I will ignore one for the other. I will not fear that I will not be able to give love to more than one child. Love is expanding and I am certain my love for my children will be complete and like no other.
Pantrygirl, did you think your heart could be as big as it is for TG? It will be fine.

Another phase: favoring one parent

My daughter has started the favor one parent over the other phase.
It's ok until she says she loves me and doesn't love Daddy. Daddy feels bad. He knows it's a phase but it's rough to hear your daughter say that.
Thankfully, 6 hours later, she'll say she loves him and that's he funny and he is a lot of fun but it still stings.
I know this phase will go back and forth for awhile. Thanks to reading like a bookworm, this is developmentally good and that she is developing independence and freedom and sense of self.
I try to tell her when she goes through these phases that Daddy and Mommy loves her very very much and just because she doesn't want to spend time with one of us now doesn't mean she doesn't love us.
We also started telling her that when she says things like that, it makes us sad. She seems to understand this very much. This morning, she ran to the bathroom door, knocked on it and immediately said, good morning to her Dad and said she was going to make breakfast with me. I think that's her way of saying she wants to spend time with me now.
I'm writing this now because I know one day she'll tell me that she doesn't want me and I need this as a reminder this is a phase.
For now, I shall be the hair comber, potty wiper, food feeder, boogie wiper and bather and cherish the sometimes smelly but special times together.

Stress of Parenthood

I know I should offer opportunities for my husband to participate in this pregnancy. Last time, I would invite him to appointments and tests and procedures.
This time, I feel like if I do, I might set off some weird freak out. I know it's just me. I'm having a hard time trying to separate last pregnancy with this pregnancy.
Last pregnancy was different.
I need to remember that.
The freak outs my husband has are very hunter gatherer like. We went through two cars, potential move out of the city, potential move out of the state, went gym crazy, decided to become an actor again, etc…
I think it's normal but it really freaked me out.
I also think that he's in a different place now then he was then. We all are.
Still, I'm scared.
I did ask him to attend the next set of big tests. Well, I invited him and he seemed gung ho about it. Last time, he seemed more apprehensive. Perhaps because it was unknown and everything unknown can be scary.
I guess we're just both going through our own thing now and at our own pace.

ToF and Food

10w
My husband asked me today if my cravings are different this time around than last.
Yes, things are a tad different.
ToF likes italian sweet sausage.
ToF likes jamaican meat patties. (one item that is not a standard in our menus.)
ToF likes salmon.
ToF likes crudite.
ToF likes milk.
ToF does not prefer pasta.
ToF does not prefer pasta sauce.
TG loved pasta and pasta sauce. I couldn't get enough of it.
Funny thing is I make pasta and pasta a sauce daily for our kid. At least it's not like TG and garlic. When TG was incubating, just chopping garlic sent waves of nausea up my nostrils and through my nerves.
I will say there is an odd thing going on that I don't recall with TG.
I've heard of this before but didn't understand it until now.
Occasionally, I get the pangs of hunger that stop all other thoughts from coming into my brain. During this time, the cravings are hard but the idea or thought of eating just turns my stomach. It's bizarre. How can a person be hungry but not want to eat? Well, I can tell you it happens and it ain't pretty my friend. Seriously, the idea of chewing sometimes makes me sick.
I have to say though I think I'm blessed so far with no severe hyperemesis. Aside from occasional nausea, things are good.
Of course, a good chunk of sleep would be nice but any mom will tell you, with a toddler in tow, that's not happening.