Wednesday, December 14, 2011

It will be fine

I'm reluctant to share this because God always said to do your actions silently but this is the place I jot down my feelings and thoughts so here it goes.
I'm a human being. I juggle more than I probably should but still less than others. I just want to live my life and try my best to use the gifts I've been given to show others God's love for us.
Breastfeeding is a really big deal for me. I'm strongly passionate about it. It's one of the hardest things you can do but the rewards not only through your children but also for yourself are immeasurable. It is an emotional journey. It's a physical journey. It's a lonely journey. It is a blessing that I have been able to nourish myself and my children through this gift of nursing. 
It's not for all and that's ok. The world would be boring if we all followed and felt the same.
My journey continues and I'm so very grateful every day for my ability to nurse. Some days are good. Some days are hard. I keep my head up and I look back on the highs and lows with pride.
I'm still in the early nursing stages with #2. During this time, there are multiple growth spurts to contend with and my body constantly fluctuates to try to accommodate his needs.
I'm also pumping to stash for when I return to the office which brings another emotional component to nursing.
With all the emotional and physical highs and lows breastfeeding brings me, you'd think I'm nuts when I tell you that I'm also trying to increase my milk production so I can pump for someone I don't know.
I won't go into details. I just heard the call and without hesitation, I knew I had to try. So far I haven't been able to provide much but I'm still trying and hope my small contribution helps. 
I bring this up not to say, "Hey look what she's doing!" I share it here because even though I'm going through a 'Am I making enough during this spurt?' emotional roller coaster, I knew in my heart, I will be able to provide for my son and have some for other babies in need. It's a strange feeling. I'm still nervous but I know it will be fine. As my husband says, "God will provide." It will work out. It will fine.
I hope others feel that not just about breastfeeding but about other things. It's not a boastful feeling but a feeling of comfort. You teeter. Every now and then you feel the hesitation and apprehension but there is a voice that says it will be fine. And it will be fine.