Saturday, October 15, 2011

I need a wife.

I'm alone again. It's the loneliness a woman gets to just before delivery. It's the place where it's best when she can be given as much opportunity as possible to get mentally and physically prepared. It's the time when stress points should be reduced. Everything should be stable in her world so she can create her safety bubble.
Unfortunately I am not there. I don't have a safety bubble. I'm still being thrashed about in the chaos. I'm trying desperately. Right now my only solution is to focus on everyone else still and forget about me.
This is where I feel like I'm giving #2 the short end of the stick. Essentially I need to prepare for the job ahead for her/his benefit and I can't.
House is a mess.
Husband feeling a mess.
I'm trying to keep some sort of semblance for daughter.
Daughter now has cold I have to care for her and worry about.
Again where is there possible time to think about and attend to me and in effect this baby that's growing inside of me.
I feel like no one understands how big this is and how much I need the support more than ever.
All I'm given is "give me more time."
I have no control over this or my home. I'm being bounced around in a pinball machine.
I'm human.
I'm a woman and I am strong but if ever a woman needs a wife it is now.