Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Parents To Dos always take a backseat

As parents we sometimes get into this desperation point where we try our best to make things go our way.
I mean, there are days where we want to be able to do things and the fear of not being able to accomplish them leads us to try to make pre-emptive attempts to help us reach these goals.
Most of the time it's a losing battle.
This comes from person who is Anal Retentive with hyperfocus tendencies, every day with a young child is new and every changing.  You can't plan.  You can try to have backup plans and prevent things (like tantrums due to lack of sleep, hunger, etc) but you never can tell.
Now, I'm a huge arts and crafts person.  That's why sometimes I'm called Mothra (Martha Stewart in Asian form).  Yes, I make a loose plan for the day and have backup activities.  That's what keeps me sane but I also know that if things don't happen, things just don't happen.  I can't kick myself or frustrate myself over it, especially if it's things I really want to do or need to do or worse, it's a non-kid thing that needs to get done.
Now, I don't always live by this but I really try hard because I know that I will probably lose my schmidt if I don't.
This morning, ok starting last night, DH was losing it.  He has a personal to do list.  It's part of his nesting which I'll get into another day.  Anyway, last night as part of the lovely toddler/preschooler wants to prolong bedtime tactics, TG asked for Daddy.
Part of this was me.  I was having severe back spasms.  I do not recall back spasms with #1 but I do know they exist and some women have that and God forbid, back labor.  Please, please Lord, no back labor for me.
Anyway, he started losing his schmidt and I knew it because he started the time outs.  I'm not a time out person, as you know, but I also know this is a discipline thing that he feels he is comfortable with so I try to hold my judgment.  Yet another to be discussed at a later date entry.
Going on, after about 20 minutes of me sprawled out on the balance ball, I feebly made my way to the bedroom to relieve my husband who clearly needed a break from parenting.
As soon as I came in, TG said, "Mama, are you going to stay here with me?  Yes?  Ok, Daddy can you leave?"
Of course Daddy mentioned chopped liver again and I mentioned to TG that she needs to go to bed now.
Within 10-15 minutes she passed out and I went back to sprawling on the balance ball praying the spasms would subside.
Going back to this morning, I'm packing my bags and getting ready to leave for the office when my husband says the following, "You know the zen garden that C has for T to play with as a sandbox?  I'm thinking of gettting one for TG."
PG: Ok.  With a newborn on the way and a dog in the house a 'sandbox' doesn't sound like a good idea but research it.  Maybe you can do it in an enclosed box and keep it in the kitchen or someplace where vacuuming and sweeping isn't terrible.
Yes, I know, I could have said 'no' but I'm more of a ok, try it and if it doesn't work, you learn type of person.
DH: I'm thinking of getting it today so I can have some time to do some of my personal to dos.  Where can I buy one of those?
That's when I gently mentioned that he can waste an entire day searching for this thing and setting it up with no guarantee that this will occupy our toddler for an extended period of time.  I also mentioned he could drop her in the bathtub with some new paint stamp rollers and some paint or her stamp pad to play for a bit or just let it go organic and see what happens.
I think as parents we think we need to entertain our kid or have activities and to dos for them.  It's more so when we have to do things but that's when nothing will work.
I've found that kids find ways to entertain and learn by themselves and it's amazing.
For example, as DH was having this discussion, I told him he could have finished his shower because TG was focused on playing with her lovey and dressing him in the bedroom.
Thankfully, he wasn't intense and seemed to understand what I was trying to say.
Now that doesn't mean he'll get some of the things or even one of the things on his personal to do list done today but maybe just maybe he won't get frustrated and aggravated because he spent x time planning and it never came to fruition.