Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Nesting Men

I'm sure I've spoken about this before but pregnancy brain is in high gear.
Men nest differently than women.
Men nest by extracting themselves from the family to do things for the family like clear out storage two years after the wife asks and on the first day the weather is nice and the family could potentially do something family oriented.
Or they make a list of to dos that consist of I need to dos none of which can be accomplished with a child in tow or even a wife sitting within breathing radius.
I get this.  I don't like it but I know it is what it is.
I didn't get this with #1 and it pissed me off royally.  It not only pissed me off but added onto my baby blues.  Yes, everyone gets the baby blues.  It's when it become PPD that you have to really worry folks.
I spent most of my first trimester dreading this nesting of man.  Nesting of man apparently starts around the time when you look like you are about to pop through to the 4th month post partum or at least that's been my experience.
Of course this is the time when a woman needs to feel like the team is on the same page.
My husband is in the nesting phase.  It's different now than before because now he's also dealing with frustration because he feels he can't get anything accomplished.  I know, every parent feels this way.
As a wife it's hard to see this and harder to deal with.
Last night I was uncomfortable (what else is new) and wanted to go to the bedroom to sprawl out on the couch and surf and relieve pressure from my back.  He had just vented his frustrations and took a bathroom trip as a I-don't-want-to-hear-it-leave-the-grumpus-alone stance.  So I felt obligated to stay next to him all night.  Uncomfortable. Silent. Not touching him. Not talking to him. Just there.  Uncomfortable.
At least I got some work done but still I felt compelled to be uncomfortable so my spouse wasn't.
I do the same thing with my child.  She wants to cuddle and for me to lay on my side.  With my ginormous belly I have a good 15 minutes before I have to switch positions, any position.  Yet I stay there for 20-30 minutes cuddled up next to her because it's my daughter.
I know women who will say I should put my foot down.  Seriously though, at 10pm did I want to deal with a grumpus whining that he can't vent to me or just sit and deal with the discomfort for a bit?  The discomfort like labor will pass.