I feel weird.
I try to live by God's words to do everything without protest or griping.
Something happened that left me tossing and turning all night and I finally had to say something. I was hurt and I needed to say something.
In retrospect, I probably didn't need to say anything but it was bothering me to the point that I had to let it out and I did.
I hurt someone and although I think we had resolution and came to an understanding that we are very emotional about this I can't help feel bad but good at the same time.
I feel bad that someone got hurt but I felt good coming clean and saying what I needed to say. I don't know if it was something I needed that makes me feel better about it all.
I clearly stated there was no malice at all in what I had to say but I had to say it. I had to defend myself.
Again, I'm a strong believer of not needing to defend oneself with words. My actions come from the heart and I think that's more important but in this instance, I really felt better saying something.
Now I know that sounds funny coming from a person that is pretty matter-of-fact and can be blunt at times to the point of actually being hurtful.
I know this sounds funny coming from someone who may be very logical but also tries to play along as well as a non-social person can be.
That's why I feel weird. It's as if what I think should be logically fine (let my actions say it) but I needed this push today. I needed to be able to say, hey, this is bugging the crap out of me and I have to defend myself.
But then I get back that nagging that one shouldn't have to defend oneself.
To that, my husband reminds me that guilt will get me nowhere and it's not wrong for a woman to have a set of balls every now and then.
And thank you Holly Hudson <a href=http://www.bertandholly6.blogspot.com/> & Mommyland for reminding that "Satan loves for those feelings of doubt to creep into our hearts." I know it was said in a different context but it applies to most guilt.