Friday, July 22, 2011

Sharing or how not everyone believes what you believe

My kid got tackled and her face smushed on the dirt during our weekly picnic.
She's been tackled before.  Apparently this is a fun sign of affection toddler boys do to fellow tykes they like.
The first time, it was a football pile from Tuna and Carrots.  That time her face wasn't planted into the ground.
This time it was Tuna and So.  This time, it was a full face to dirt plant, the kind where dirt is in the mouth.
Thank goodness DH was there because I can't jump up as quickly these days.  I smacked DH into action and he ran and picked her up and we cleaned her off.  She was in tears and you can sense the confusion.  "Why did he do that?"
It happened once more that night.  Tuna just likes big bear hugs so I know it wasn't malicious.
After a bath where half of the park was washed out of her hair, she was squeaky clean or in her words, "I'm squeaky clean.  No cheesy feet."  She has a cut on her superficial cut on her forehead.  DH took a photo of it and texted Tuna's dad jokingly saying the doctor's bill was being sent.
I know kids are going to rough house and at this stage it's all about being loving and friendly.  I like you so I'm going to push you.  I'm not worried.
It was interesting to see the different reactions by children though.  Each kid is so different.
My daughter didn't understand why her friend would hug her so tight that he'd push her to the ground.  I think because of this, she didn't say, "No."  At the playground when someone pushes or 'semi-bullies' their way cutting in line for the equipment, she sometimes says, "No!  Wait your turn!"  Sometimes she stands there in confusion trying to understand why the kid doesn't play fair.
Her friend, So, joined in on the hug but then later on twice, psyched out Tuna.  Tuna tried to hug her and she did a martial arts move where she side stepped so he fell to the ground and then proceeded to howl and cry.  First, every Dad there was super impressed a 2.5 year old did such a slick Jackie Chan move.  Second, it was incredible to see her reaction versus my daughters. 
My daughter gets her hand held alot but her friends out of affection.  When she doesn't want her hand held, she resists but doesn't say no.  Of course this leads to the boy/girl to tug at her. 
This girl just side stepped and then immediately screamed.
Should my daughter be more defensive and more vocal?  I say yes to the vocal.  How though do you teach a kid to be defensive and still understand the difference between friends playing and real danger?
Later, So's parents said that she held her own against her 6 year old cousin to the point where she even bit him because he was bothering her.  Now, I'm not saying I want my kid to bite but good for her for standing her ground.
It makes me think of the time a few weeks back when her friend, Carrots, did not want to share Tuna's big wheel.  TG kept saying to him, "Carrots, we share.  Here is my scooter.  We take turns."  His mom explained we share and he reluctantly did as most toddlers do.  As TG was riding it though, he ran to her and tried to tell her where to go and how fast she should ride.  She seemed to tell him no but wasn't as insistent as I've seen her.  I think again, it's the problem of this is my friend versus a stranger kid.  It got to the point where she rode back and got off the trike and sat next to me. 
It's so hard to explain to toddlers that what they feel and understand may not be what others, including friends perceive.  Yes, everyone should say please, thank you and be kind and share but not everyone does.
Last evening at the end of TG's gymnastics class, a classmate, Ja, had a cargo airplane filled with cars.  Of course, this attracted TG's attention.  She's still a huge airplane and helicopter fan.
When she asked Ja to share, he said no.  She looked so confused and asked twice and then came to me to ask me why he wouldn't share.  I tried to explain that sometimes people aren't ready to share.  I tried to find an example where I asked her to share something and she didn't.  I couldn't find one.  My kid has for the most part been very happy to share.  Finally his dad said that he just received the airplane and that it's new and he's not ready to share it yet.  I know it's so confusing.  She left confused.  I left confused. 
I'm going to guess this part of parenting, social interactions, is going to be a tough one for all parties in this learning game.