I've been struggling with keeping it a secret. It's not so much like last time. Last time, I wanted to keep it a secret because I wanted to have an awesome announcement at Christmas.
Now, I want to keep a secret because I dread the questions and the fanfare. I know that sounds awful, doesn't it?
I just hate the questions and calls. "How do you feel?" "Are you sure this is the right time?" "Is it a boy or a girl?"
I know I sound so grumpy about it but I really just want to go about my life. I know that's awful.
I think it's also announcing means that this is real and I still don't feel this is real.
Why?
I think I'm so worried about practicalities.
Where will we live?
Can we afford this?
How will this change our relationship with our daughter?
Can we manage this?
What are we getting ourselves into?
Also, like a true guilt ridden Catholic woman I'm thinking, "What did I do to my husband and I? We were just getting to the point where we had a little more time for each other."
I can hear my friend's voice right now, "What do you mean, what did you do? You didn't do anything."
I know. I know. Again, this all the worrying and I keep telling myself to let it go. Like my husband said, "We don't want ToF to be a big ball of worry. Relax and enjoy this. It's your time."
I think I have apprehensions because of my postpartum again. I'm totally scared my husband will go off the deep end.
Every now and then he says things.
"I just realized we'll probably go through a dozen eggs in 2.5 days now."
"Just when we got rid of diapers, we are back in. It's a conspiracy."
"I miss you too but unless we sell the kids... Would you be willing to sell the kids?"
I need to stop worrying.
