I have a confession to make.
I'm a bit ashamed but if I don't admit it, I can't move on from it.
This pregnancy, I feel as if I'm not giving as much attention to ToF as I did with TG.
I know that this is common as I'm juggling alot with a toddler but I feel just plain awful about it.
I feel even more awful about it as I'm at the point in my pregnancy where I'm still not telling anyone but I don't fit into any clothes and I'm still trying to hide it.
Unlike last time where I didn't feel this way, I currently feel fat. I feel like a giant pear and I hate feeling this way not because I'm vain but because with TG, I didn't feel fat. I felt empowered and womanly.
Now, I'm just thinking vainly.
I just cleaned my closet out for the spring and was finally looking forward to wearing sheath dresses that I had not worn since my first pregnancy. Between pumping and what not, heels and pretty tight fitting dresses didn't seem to be practical. I was just hitting a point where I felt like my body was returning to me. Nursing is not constant. I wasn't pumping. My hips felt good. I was ready to show some skin.
Last night, I spent the evening cleaning my closet and packing away the sheath dresses and pulling out some in between clothes I could wear.
I don't want my child to ever think I felt fat or anything negative like that because of him/her but I need to admit it because it's ok to feel the way one feels. Isn't that what I tell my daughter? We just need to realize when what we feel is hurting us or hurting someone else.
On a good note, although I still don't feel pregnant, aside from the occasional nausea and tight fitting clothes Can someone say denial?, I'm fairly happy.
I keep thanking the Lord for our blessings and I pray for the strength to realize worrying will not help. I must trust in the Lord and open my heart and mind.
Oh, and open my maternity wardrobe. I had some super cute outfits and I can look forward to wearing them again.
