Friday, December 10, 2010


Sometimes it's hard to feel as if you need to be the girl scout.  You need to be the one prepared because no one else will.
It's done purely as a self preservation method for me.
1.  I don't want to set off my OCD.  For me, if things aren't 'feeling right', I have to do it until it is just so.  This sets my husband off by the way so I try to hide alot of this quirkiness.  It's a delicate balance.  Keep family from going nuts because of my nuttiness yet keep my sanity by avoiding letting my nuttiness get backed.  Yes it backs up.
2.  If I'm prepared then it doesn't set off others around me.  If I can plan or foresee something as simple as making sure the raincoats are clean and ready by the door for the forecast rain tomorrow, I'll do so.  It saves me from watching and feeling my stomach roll over in knots as my husband who tends to run on a different time zone rushes to get where he needs to while a toddler poops her pants and a dog pees on our kitchen rug.
3. Sometimes, it's easier for me to just suck it up and do it knowing it will make other's lives easier because that makes my life easier.  I can't change the fact my husband will always be harried.  However, I can change his outlook and disposition if I prepare.  If I prepare food for the kid and him and pack the bag with diapers and wipes, then he may be two steps from frustration rather than one step.  I don't get that terrible tummy knot and my daughter gets a more smoother rush out the door.
Problem is, it can get to me sometimes.
I don't want accolades.  I don't want acknowledgment.  I just wish I didn't have to do this all the time.
I know some folks would say this is motherhood/wifedom.
I'm not complaining.  I'm know this is because God has given me this for a reason.
Sometimes, I just wish this compulsion or whatever it is would allow me to leave the dishes alone for one night.