Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Why men don't get pregnant

TG still nurses but mainly at naptimes and bedtime.  We've naturally fallen into this routine.  Sometimes we still have a nip during the day but nowadays she doesn't request it unless we are home.  I never really restricted her to home nursing but it has just fallen into place.  
I was worried for a moment about transitioning to this.  How would I feel denying her or telling her no milk?   I didn't have to really.  I have said,"When we get home, honey." a handful of times but usually I did because I knew she really just wanted comfort which I could give her in other ways and/or we were someplace where I couldn't freely nurse without disrobing or unpackig the Sherpa accoutrements.
What has changed in the past week is a reduction in pumping.  Either I was too busy or the output is low.  
So far it seems to be ok as she's fallen asleep in the car most days these past few weeks.  
I think the low production is due to stress and a reduction in caloric intake.  
It's kind of bittersweet for me right now.  A month ago my breastpump died on me.  I now use a hospital grade pump available a my office.  I thought I'd freak but I didn't.  It seemed natural and I knew Hans and Franz would need to move onto better pastures at some point. 
Now I've only brought home 2.5 ounces this week and I'm sort of ok with it.  
I know at this point it's not nutrients but comfort and immunities she's getting from my milk.  I think that's a big reason why I'm not totally panicking. 
More importantly I think I'm ready to take control of my body again.  What I mean is although I'm no ready to give up nursing 100% I'm at a point where I'm feeling as if my body is not a shell or a functional item.  
I'm ready to show it off a bit.  It's as if Spring has brought a rebirth of sorts for me physically.  I'm not talking about dressing scantily but wearing occasional heels or showing a little skin.  
I'm wearing skirts now.  I haven't worn skirts regularly since I gave birth.  
I guess this is he next step in my physical and emotional recovery and preparation.  I know it sounds absurdly late but some other moms I spoke to said they felt the same.  
Not all of us can be a Hollywood mom and seem to be back to pre-baby confidence of her body 3 months post partum. 
More importantly this is a sign from my mind and body that I may be moving towards being ready for next steps.  
This in way means I'm ready to give my body back up for incubation right away but I am one step closer.