Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Stop the world. I don't want to talk.

I have a confession to make. I've been avoiding my MIL and my mom. It's not that I dislike them. I like them very much. I'm just really tired right now and I really don't need to go through with calming neuroses. I have enough to do trying to calm my family's and my own.
My MIL is simple. Right now, I'm exhausted and tired and DH is driving me nuts but in the typical couple kind of way. You know when one too many socks are left by the side of the bed kind of way.
I'm not in the mood to have a conversation with my MIL and settle her neuroses about DH and me, DH, TG, DH and TG, etc...
She's a sweet and wonderful woman and I don't want to just go all out on her with a tirade on how I'm so darn tired and if her son would only stop picking on me for my AP decisions, I wouldn't feel so alone.
Then there is my mom. God I love her but she's very black and white. No matter what I say, I'm going to insult her. "Glad you brought a fruit back for me from your sabbatical. I'm not going to see you before you head out to Vancouver, so just eat it. I understand. It's the thought that counts." I just insulted her.
"Well, I'm glad the sabbatical was relaxing. I get it. No one gossips there. Well, 1 it's a monastery so you shouldn't be gossiping and 2 you were only there for a week, the honeymoon phase. 3 weeks later, you'll gossip...... Because... We all gossip. Mom, you gossip. Hate to break it to you but we all do in some shape or form." I just insulted her.
In hind sight, I think I need to remember that in my mother's language, things are very cut and dry. So when she says folks don't gossip, I should have realized she meant, folks aren't judgmental. That's one thing I've recently learned about my mom and I need to that into account more when we speak. It's tough though when you spend most of your life listening to the language and taking it to be the literal. If I had studied the language more formally, I think I would have understood that earlier on.
Anyway, so it's been about two weeks since I've had more than just a 5 minute conversation with either women.
I feel awful about it but I'm not in the mood to placate another person. At home I placate. At work I placate. Is it wrong for me to hide out a little bit?
It's gotten so bad that even with the small circle of friends I can vent to, I don't even know where to begin with my vent. I know if I vent, I'll feel better and will be able to get through a lengthier call but right now, all I want to do is just hide.