Friday, March 05, 2010

The duck paddles

Pg: I noticed that if TG cries at night you don't move even if you are the only one in the room with her.
Dh: Yeah, if you haven't noticed she wants no part of me at night. Plus if I go over there she will only cry harder.
Aside from putting me off I often wonder how he can just lay there watching a program or reading or even sleeping as our child lay near him crying. It seems so callous.
Dh: You know I see no reason for you to be upset and tiffy.
Pg: First, this is not the time nor place to have this discussion.
Dh: Exactly why you shouldn't be upset or tiffy.
Nowadays even when DH hurts my feelings or says something that irks me, I may strike back with a comment but I just give up. I resign myself to the fact that DH thinks what he thinks and believes other points of view are malarkey.
He's a bit detached. I never noticed that before. Well maybe I did but I took it as confidence.
We were watching a PBS documentary on emotions and they were discussing the possibility a teenage boy suffered from reactive attachment disorder. His expressions and sighs screamed,"bull.". Dh: if that were the case other kids in orphanages for the first three years of life would have attachment disorders.
Moments later the program notes this.
DH has the unique quality of believing what he believes and holding true to it even if it their is evidence to the later. I think it comes from his background in market research and the fundamental truth that data can always be manipulated to say what you want it to.
It's a gift that can turn him into a supergenius and inventor or it could be a hinderance to some of his goals.
Right now it's beginning to increase the divide in our parenting styles.
Today when it was pretty much confirmed TG has a cold and has a sore throat he didn't acknowledge what I said last night nor did he apologize for his hurtful and at one point daughter manipulating statements.
He didn't acknowledge what I was doing, giving her chicken broth in a cup, feeding her squash and nursing her were the best course of action for a sore throat. I didn't expect him to. He just thinks things are what they are. He doesn't realize the thought put in. He doesn't realize there is a method to my madness. I've learned not to expect that but that does not make his comments less stinging. I think they probably make them hurt just a little more.
He's clearly surprised when even though I am tired and exhausted and at times mad at him, I still make the family dinner. I still clean up and follow our bedtime routine. Why? Because it needs to get done. Routine makes a toddler happy and everyone needs to eat.
I think DH is of the mindset that things happen when they happen. Maybe this is the fundamental difference between us now, things may happen in due course but why not use all the tools available to me to help ensure things go smoother. Why wait to iron the shirt when ironing it straight from the laundry whenever possible ensures an easier time of it? Mind you I haven't ironed since early 2000.
I read in a magazine today that men may not realize what is happening in the background in order for the show to run smoothly. It was an article on the shifting workforce and roles within a household. Along with letting go of perfection, it also recommended realizing men need step by step instructions and reminders that their is a crew behind the cast. Not that it was saying men are children that require hand holding. It just said that most men are unaware of what Moms do to keep the ship afloat and that's a big bone of contention among couples.
I'm not sure if this is supposed to make me feel better that I'm not in any different circumstance.