Saturday, January 23, 2010

Mother, Wife, Woman

DH cut himself with a razor trying to break into our apartment after locking himself out.
I was home at the time in the bedroom napping with our daughter.
He didn't ring the bell for fear he'd wake her up.
He tried texting me but I was asleep.
This isn't the first time he's been locked out of the house while I was home.
The last few times, he was super pissed at me for not receiving his calls or pleas for help.
He didn't say anything today but I bet he's peeved.
Confession time: I don't have any sympathy. Yes, I do feel bad he hurt himself but I've been through him locking himself out of the house one too many times. He also had a tendency to loss my keys but has since stopped taking mine. Plus the last time I locked myself out of the house with two dogs, he was incredibly miffed at me for pulling him out of his job to let me in. After that, I have become obsessive about remembering my keys.
I guess the bigger issue is perhaps DH's feelings. Am I putting him in the backseat in our relationship? He hasn't said anything. I just feel like I should be paying more attention to him.
I confess that I haven't given him the attention he is akin to nor have I tried harder to give him a little 'he' time. There is no excuse but there is. I am damn tired. I'm constantly multi-tasking. I'm trying not to but I feel if I don't we'd be living in a giant pile.
As soon as I get home, TG comes over to me and proceeds to take off my coat and shoes. It's time for mommy mode as I prepare dinner while entertaining my daughter who has missed me. I have a respite during dinner when DH and I chat about the day. Then DH goes to the gym and I begin nighttime parenting.
DH returns home around midnight at which time, I'm either passed out or catching up on chores or personal and work emails.
If we do have time for each other, I'm so exhausted, it's more of a sit next to each other on the couch or bed while we watch some mindless television program.
Folks have recommended at home date nights. Ok, I'm going to be honest here. Date nights mean I need time to primp and look like anything other than a mom. This isn't happening folks. Sorry. Yes, I was the 4" pump girl once. Now, I live in my ballet flats. I'm sure my husband would be happy to just have his wife back for a little while. How the heck do I do that when if I had some time, all I'd want would be for a soak in the bath that wasn't interrupted by crying or other interruptions.