Monday, January 19, 2009

Love is honorable.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written about my Love Dare. It’s been a hard entry. I thought it would be easier but it is one of the more challenging ones. I thought it would be easier as I understand and desire to honor my husband. The exercise is to completely give myself and my attention to my husband. It’s been hard. I feel like I give myself to my baby, our home and our family to the point where I really don’t consider my feelings and my needs over their needs. I want to honor my husband but any chance I get where I’m not caring for my baby, I’m multitasking home chores, work and family chores. Yes, I’d like to sit and watch television or spend time with my husband but the dishes still need to get washed. The meals need to be prepared. The breastmilk needs to be stored and pumped.
The readings included an example of dishonoring your spouse by not focusing on him/her completely. I fail this miserably as I’m always multitasking when my husband is around. I always feel like I have limited time and with another adult, I can be do more. Yes, occasionally we’ll sit and watch a program together but on an average night, I have a list of items to do to prepare for the next day or make my life easier the next day.
So I’ve held off on writing this entry hoping to fit a time where I can try to accomplish this test but I don’t truly feel as if I have been able to do so it. I’d like to but I haven’t.
It’s doesn’t mean I don’t honor my husband. I do but I need to show him a little more but I’m just feeling a bit spent right now. I’m tired. I’m chasing time. I’m fighting for my rights and failing. I don’t feel like I have more to give right now.
On the other front, I’m trying and I think I’m learning to not sweat the small stuff. I’m focusing on my 2009 resolution to choose life and not expect. 2009 is the year of me, the year of no expectations and the year of daring and I’ve been really focusing on expectations or the lack of. I think it is getting better for me every day. Now if I can focus more on me and more on my dares.