The one thing about becoming a parent that has thrown me for a loop is the increase in fighting that my spouse and I have had. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think this is out of the norm and our fighting isn’t over anything that most new parents don’t disagree about.
Think about it. Sleep deprivation and constant caring for the needs of a newborn/infant will turn two rational adults into two territorial cats in heat.
Fighting is normal but I didn’t expect an increase after the baby was born. Call me naïve.
DH and I love each other and we do get through them but in my heart of hearts, I wish fighting wasn’t part of relationships. Nobody feels good about it. Why do we need to fight?
Today’s exercise is to sit with your spouse and draw up healthy ‘Rules of Engagement’. If you’re doing this alone, draw up your own personal ‘Healthy Fighting’ rules.
Here are my own personal rules of engagement I plan to follow:
I will listen and be silent. Fighting is a steam release.
I will let my pride go.
I will determine if insecurities are fueling the fight.
I will not speak until the release is complete. Words do hurt.
In the beginning, middle and end of a fight I will remember our love for each other is more important than whatever it is we are fighting about.
Everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of a man does not accomplish the righteousness of God. -- James 1:19-20