Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Team Mommy and Daddy

BG is 3 months, 1 week old.

So much has happened this week that puts things in perspective for me.

First, my MIL came from Florida and in a Felix Unger move, decided after one night at her friend’s house, she didn’t want to stay there for the rest of her trip and showed up at my doorstep with her luggage.

With sleep deprivation, a newborn, two ill dogs and a baptism and baptism party to prepare for, DH and I couldn’t contain the stress and aggravation and wound up being more than snippy in front of his mother. His mother, a naturally anxious person, became more anxious. Her anxiety came out in the form of worrying and trying to help but causing more work for both of us. It all came to a head on Sunday night after the baptism when DH and his mother had one of those knock ‘em sock ‘em repressed feelings arguments. Of course it ended with them laughing and enjoying the rest of the night.

As a hostess to my MIL, it can be nerve racking. See, she’s the type that doesn’t want to impose but by not imposing, she imposes. I think my mother and her have that in common. They think they are helping but it doesn’t help but cause more problems. That’s why putting them together is a disaster waiting to happen, the Lucy and Ethel effect.

This time around my mother told her that we wouldn’t starve because she comes over twice a month with food for us to eat. This cause my MIL to feel like my mom thinks her son is destitute and lying to her. Meanwhile I know my mom 1) wants to let my MIL that she is ‘taking’ care of us and 2) wants to let my MIL know that she disapproves of the neo-traditional SAHD role.

Both my mothers are passive aggressive so that led to some fun times for me.

Then my MIL tells my mother that she was spending some time alone with BG while DH and I went to the vet. Now my mother heard was, my daughter allowed one grandma to spend time alone with her granddaughter and she is not allowed to. I’m going to get hit with that guilt trip for weeks now.

DH and I of course had a disagreement but in the end it was the kind that makes both aware of each other’s feelings and both become more attentive to each other. After all, we aren’t just the pillars of our family, we are a team.

I suppose we had to be as the next thing that happened was one of the most adult things we as a team had to do, P-man got worse. As we cleaning up after the baptism party, which I’ll get to in another entry, P-man lost the ability to use his back legs. He couldn’t go to the bathroom outside. He couldn’t stand. He couldn’t sit. The pain medication we received from the vet the day before didn’t help. DH and I spent the night changing bed linens and trying to keep him as comfortable, dry and clean as much as possible. I made a fresh dinner of poached chicken and rice for him and DH hand fed him.

The next morning, both of us took him to the vet prepared for what we needed to do. He was suffering and the vet determined after the nerve tests and the pain medications that the prognosis was not good.

I kissed him goodbye and told him I loved him and then went to the car. DH stayed with him to the end and made the cremation arrangements.

Then I dropped off DH at the police precinct as our license plate was either stolen or had fallen off our car and I went home to check on my MIL and daughter and prepare for my MIL’s departure.

All in all a very hectic 3 days.