Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Rantings of a sleep deprived mommy.

BG is 3 months old.

Today I was faced with a choice, a choice between going to the bathroom and catching up on some ‘me’ time activity. I know that sounds ridiculous, but moms of infants can relate, I’m sure. As I made my way to the crib to set my baby girl down for her afternoon nap, I ran through a list in my head of things I could do. I could clean out the coat closet before my MIL arrives on Friday. I could prepare and eat lunch. I could go to the bathroom. I could finish a chapter in that book I started reading before my time was consumed by baby. I could check email. I could dust. I could take a shower. I could take a nap. I could make that list of phone numbers my husband wants since he completely changed our baptism plans.

Yes, going to the bathroom has now become an option to me. Who knew natural bodily functions can become options in a person’s life.

In the end I opted to go to the bathroom and make the list for my husband. I know. I know. I can’t keep putting off ‘me’ stuff. A healthy mom is a healthy baby and health includes downtime. I just feel hubby’s decision to change the baptism 6 days before the actual ceremony is nuts. I’ve decided hubby will now take over baptism planning as I’m too busy with baby and the impending MIL visit to stress.

To add to the stress my mother gave me a stern lecture on how my MIL should be staying with even though my MIL has said she doesn’t want to impose and she realizes staying with us in a 1000 square foot apartment would probably end in emotional upheaval. My mother than proceeds to lecture me that if I don’t tell my MIL that my mother would like to take her out to dinner even though she’s only here for 3 days that I’m making my mother look bad and rude. My mother doesn’t seem to understand that she’s the only one that thinks this way. Personally, if you don’t want to do something and you only do it for the appearance, it’s a disservice. Still, I promise my mom that I will offer her dinner invitation.

Anyway, it is official, my husband has changed the baptism even from a small family gathering to inviting extended family. Now, I generally don’t mind this but wish he had done this when I first discussed the baptism planning with him a month ago. I’m all for a get together with family but give me some time to plan. “What’s to plan? Buy some sandwiches and vacuum the house.”

We live in a 1000 square foot apartment with no furniture and all my stuff packed in boxes in storage. The wall still have blue painter’s tape, the family photos and everything that made our apartment homey are in storage and you want 20-30 folks to come on over and sit on what, two couches, a recliner and four dining room chairs?

Anyway, now, I’m about to send him phone numbers and the catering menu to order the food. I told him he needs to call his mother as she wanted to host the small brunch afterwards. He thinks she will be fine as a buffet will be cheaper than a sit down. I asked him to ask the church to rent the recreation room so we can have the shindig there. Of course, the church lady gave him a lecture about the last minute reservation. After the lecture, she accommodated us and so now he has to call her back with the total head count.

I reminded him to invite her and some of the other church volunteers. Honestly, if I could, I’d change the time of the baptism to 9am instead of 11am. I truly wanted it to be held during the 9am mass so that the many church family members that ask about BG could witness her initiation but the I relented to the pressures of my husband and the priest. I knew it would be slightly inconvenient for guests and would make for a harrowed morning for me but I really wanted those folks that care about BG to be there. Oh well. Next time I won’t be such a sucker and give in so easily.

Now before BG awakes, I need to get to compiling and send the list of to dos to DH. Oh yikes! He needs to call my mom to reserve the cake as she was only expecting to order a cake for 10. I’m not going to make that call as I’m not ready to hear another lecture.

UPDATE: DH made the phone calls. The invited list went from 10 to 54 which means 25+ folks may be attending. I reminded hubby to invite the priest and some church folks that are helping us out, to make a donation to the chapel, purchase the decorations and order the food and drink. Hubby is going to have a busy few days before his mom comes. I foresee a last minute cleaning of the apartment on Thursday and Friday. I’m going to my happy place…

I still have not purchased the godparent gifts or the priest’s gift. I planned on making personalized magnets from photos taken after the baptism for our small party. I guess I’ll be in Mothra mode the next few days.
I slept through another pumping session. This is not good. Granted, I really needed the sleep as I’ve been consistently feeding her every 2 hours from 7am – 12 midnight but I really need to keep my supply up. For the last few days, she’s been enjoying eats every 2 hours. I’m not sure if this is a new schedule she’s trying out or a growth spurt. I was so happy to see that she was stretching her feedings to every 2.5-3 hours but it seems like we’re back to the every 2. I’m not complaining as she’s a good eater and seems to enjoy eating and sleeping. A fellow mom in the nabe said that her 4 month old still eats every 2 hours.

I do have a confession though and most moms probably agree. After all the breastfeeding worries, concerns and bumps on the road, breastfeeding is one of the best feelings you can feel. I mean, it’s euphoric. The bonding is part of it but there is something else that relates to a surge of happy hormones that races through your body when you breastfeed. I suppose it’s the body’s way of encouraging breastfeeding.

Here’s the story though, I think I’m intentionally sleeping through my late night pumping to avoid the possibility of having DH ask me to do something while he’s caring for BG in the wee hours of the night. I know that sounds awful. It’s not that DH can’t do or care of our daughter. He does a great job but I think sometimes, it’s easier to give her to me when it’s 3am than to figure out what and how with a crying baby. Heck, there have been times where I’ve taken care of BG knowing that if I just grab her before she’s overly fussy, both of us could take a nap quicker. I know I should allow DH to care for her while I nap but I figure one less tired parent is better but by doing so I make it harder on myself.

I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous but if I received one 8-hour day to do whatever I wanted, go wherever I wanted to go I’d choose my bed. Seriously, I would not leave the comforts of my bed. In fact to add to my fantasy day, I’d sleep in and have someone come in every 2-3 hours to hook my breasts up to a pump and pump me. To make it easier, I’d even sleep on a massage table with cut outs for my breasts so I can just have the pumps attached to me at all times. Let’s trump that. I’d leave my bed if I could sleep on a massage table with breast cut outs for pumping. While I’m sleeping a large handed man or woman skilled in the arts of massage can massage my back, arms, temples and legs. That would be my fantasy. Man, I’m so jealous of Sleeping Beauty.

3 Months and I'm still breastfeeding!
Pat self on back. Each month brings me closer to my goal. I hope and pray I can keep it up.