Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Groove me.

2 Months, 1 Week and 2 Days

BG is slowly getting better. Last night I held her while DH suctioned out the longest piece of booger I have ever seen in my life. BG was so fussy and crying without a typical reason (diaper, eats, cuddling, sleepy). Ok, she was sleepy but her nose was so congested, she couldn’t get into a state of relaxation. Within a minute after DH extracted the booger from beyond, she stopped crying and allowed me to lull her to sleep.

This morning, her nose seems less congested. She still has a way to go but it’s much better than it was two days ago when she woke up with a crusty nose.

Mom is feeling better as well, although she has a little sore throat. DH has been making sure I drink plenty of fluids like OJ and Grape Juice.

Today BG took an extended 4.5 hour nap in the morning. I took the time to pack away my maternity clothes and pull some clothes out of my storage boxes. I asked my hubby to pick up some of my clothes from storage a few weeks ago but I hadn’t the chance nor the energy to unpack them and pack away my maternity clothes.

I knew it was time. I’m not completely back to my old self but 1) my maternity clothes are just too big, 2) the weather is changing and I need to swap out my clothes anyway 3) I was getting tired of wearing the same clothes, 4) I’m sure my husband would appreciate me wearing something else besides panel pants and tent like dresses and 5) I need to get back to me.

Back to me is getting back to knowing my body. Throughout my pregnancy, I loved watching my body change. I knew it was changing for a reason and it was a beautiful reason. I was proud of my body and flaunted it. After the delivery & post partum complication, I felt like my body was not my own. While my hormones poured out and my sleep decreased, I felt like a walking zombie. When I showered or changed clothes, I just grabbed the first clean item in my closet or dresser.

As I slowly regained my sanity (or succumbed to my insanity), I stopped feeling like a zombie but still haven’t felt like myself. My breasts feel hard/soft/numb/tender and as far as I am concerned property of my daughter. My arms, shoulders and hips are resting places for my daughter. It has become so commonplace, I naturally rock or sway if I’m carrying anything. The other day I caught myself swaying as I was carrying a bag of rice in the elevator. I have a freaky dark line on my stomach (linea nigra) which is supposed to fade away around 4-6 months post partum. My hands are dry from the numerous hand washings . My feet and hands could use a pedicure and manicure, respectively, but if I had 2 hours to spare, they most definitely would not be spent at a salon or even spent at home painting my nails.

On a good note, I haven’t had to shave my legs still. On a not so good news, I think the bumps on parts of my legs are due to ingrown hairs. The fenugreek I’m taking for my milk production increases my internal temperature and causes me to sweat more. On a good note, fenugreek makes me smell like maple syrup. On a not so good note, fenugreek makes me smell like a maple syrup and curry.

I know I’m not painting a great picture right now but that’s what’s making me feel not like me.

I figured the first step to getting back to me is packing away the maternity clothes and pulling out some of my pre-maternity clothes. I didn’t pull out everything as breastfeeding requires easy access to my breasts and clothes that can take possible milk leakage. Also, I’m still not completely at my pre-pregnancy body. I think my hips are wider and my tummy has not bounced back. Plus, with my limited time, I don’t want to spend my precious time doing my laundry so I’m limiting the clothing options I have.

I cleaned my closet during BG’s extended sleep and when she woke up, I brought over some of my clothes to let her touch the different textures. She also helped me pick out shoes to donate. In the end, I pulled out mainly button down shirts, spaghetti strap camisoles and cardigans. I think that’s probably going to be my staple outfit for a bit. I have a handful of nursing tops but to save money, I hope to be able to wear a few spaghetti straps underneath regular tops.

It’s a small step but I am hoping it will help me get my groove back.