Saturday, August 02, 2008

Sorry but filial piety takes a back seat to my daughter's needs

3 Weeks & 5 Days Old

I am so disheartened today. On Thursday, she disliked the SNS feeder. I took this as a sign that she was ready to stop the feeder so on Friday we did a bed-in. I gave her the breast practically all day. She had very little active alert time so if she wasn’t sleeping, I gave her the breast.

While she slept, I pumped. I pumped a good amount of food for her. I set up 3 bottles for hubby. She spent the night fussing and I noticed two of her diapers has a tiny red stain with slightly darker pee. To me this signaled dehydration. Hubby thinks I’m overanalyzing again.

She finally went to bed at 4am and slept until 8am. I gave her the breast at 12 noon. She seemed to be swallowing well especially on the left breast. She had another alert period but then didn't go to sleep. Instead she got fussy agan and at 1:30 after bouncy seats, rocking and cradling didn't settle her, I gave her 2 ounces of milk via the bottle. She settled and pooped.

I feel like she latches well but she just doesn't suck the milk out as efficiently so she gets tired and sleep sucks.

It is 2:30 now and she is now asleep in my arms. I feel like she likes my breasts, latches quickly but just isn't satisfied on the breast, I feel like I should just give her the bottle of EBM for sustenance.

This disheartens me. I love when she's feeding straight from the source but if it is 45 minutes of breast leading to 20 minutes of bottle to settle her is that good for anyone?

What should I do? I feel like I am doing something wrong that's why she doesn't get her nourishment straight from the source. I know this isn’t logical. I want so badly for her to get it but it is causing so much anxiety. This is so hard. We jump one hurdle and we have another to face. How do I get her to get more milk efficiently? Should I just give in and do bottles with occasional breast for soothing?

It seems like the only thing that makes her the happy kid that I know is textbook 2.7 ounces via bottle, diaper change and swaddle. The breast is just a soother.

Oh, I also confirmed my husband’s suspicion that the best interest of BG or myself is not the priority for some people. I can’t go into detail but after a phone conversation and an in person discussion where I found my voice, I am certain that some folks are thinking of their needs not the needs of a new mom and new baby. There is an underlying meet the needs of the elders mentality that we have conflicting opinions on. I respect my elders but I need to prioritize the needs of my child over the needs of others. It's a cultural difference that I have to protect my child from. That’s my job and that includes my needs and desires. I need to put things in perspective.