4 days old
Grandma S (aka Ma Ma) after hearing family, my mother and us rave about BG’s photos we’ve been sending via email and cell phone finally went and got a new phone. Of course this means that hubby spent an hour searching online for her phone’s manual to show her how to view photos.
We also tried to explain she should make sure her plan allows photos for a flat fee versus single use as it can get pricey. Unfortunately we gave up the battle especially after we found out she signed with a carrier we had never heard of. “Mom, just sign up with Verizon. Verizon to Verizon are free calls.” “I don’t need my cell phone for anything for the pictures. I’ll just buy a pay as you go plan.”
I’m trying to send a picture a day at least but since days run into each, I don’t know if I’ve been successful. I figure it makes our parents happy and feel participatory.
Ma Ma asked if we needed anything. I told her kimonos for the baby. BG has been living in her Carter kimonos since we got home. The only time I put on an ‘outfit’ was when we went to the pediatrician. Honestly, the kid sleeps, eats, poops, pees and sleeps again. She doesn’t need to get dolled up.
Plus, since she falls asleep every time I put her on my breast, I have to strip her down to her diaper to get a 1 hour feeding or it will extend.
Breastfeeding is becoming more and more frustrating as I’ve started pumping to help with production and notice I only am producing 12mL of milk. I am feeling so disappointed. Here I was thinking I’d feel like a cow but right now I’m feeling like the skim milk cow that no one likes.
Hubby wakes up to find me breastfeeding her, trying to keep her awake and in tears. He comes back from a walk with the dogs to tell me our neighbor had BF problems as well and recommends a nearby lactation consultant.
I ask him to obtain the information. I’m feeling like such a loser. I can’t provide for my baby. I’m also reluctant to meet with anyone else as the last two consultants left me feeling like BF’g is normal and instinctive. What if another LC tells me this? Does that mean I’m do not have the maternal instinct?
Hubby and I have another fight. Again, it’s in the middle of the night. Another pattern. What is it about the late night/early morning that makes everyone feel desolate and despairing?
Hubby kept telling me that I can’t wake up to pump and that I need to sleep but I kept telling him 1) I naturally wake up after 2 hours. 2) My boobs hurt and need to be expressed and 3) If I want my production to increase, I seriously need to pump.
He doesn’t get it. I know he’s trying to look out for me but I’m breast obsessed and really need to get my production up to feed my baby.