Thursday, April 10, 2008

I'm bringing sexy back... in the fall/winter


Miss Bean, refrain from reading this until you are well into your adult years.

I’ve hit the stage in my pregnancy where I cannot recognize myself in the mirror. Ok, I can recognize myself, not my belly. Could my belly expand that much? Could it expand even more? Holy cow, this thing is now its own entity.

I’m at a point where I kind of feel bad for my hubby. I’m sure he really misses the pre-pregnant pg. So far I’ve been pretty practical with my attire. I look for inexpensive, well made clothing that isn’t too binding or too tent-like. At home, I’m lounging in his pjs and camisole top. Now, that sounds cute when you’re not pregnant. When you are, you sort of resemble Tony Soprano in a wife beater; at least that’s how I feel somedays. At night, I’ve been wearing nightshirts or nightgowns. They aren’t prudish but they aren’t the typical slips and babydolls I usually wear. In short, I’m not dressing to impress.

It’s not that I don’t think the pregnant body isn’t marvelous. It is. It just isn’t sexy for me. Still, I’m beginning to feel like I’m neglecting my husband’s visuals. I’m now consistently wearing flats or Sabrina heels. I’m not wearing cute curvy outfits. Heck, even when I bounce around dancing around the house, the moves are less Chicago and more Hairspray. Maybe I should get some cute maternity lingerie. The problem is I know that although the spirit is there, effort is a bit lacking. By the time I put something on like this

I know I’ll be so winded and tired, I’ll need a nap. Let’s be honest, I’m going to need a nap before we do the deed. Let’s say my nap refreshes me, I’m going to be hungry when I wake up. So I’ll snack. Then I’ll have to go to the bathroom. Then I'll want to clean myself up and then maybe I’ll be ready. This is hardly spontaneous.

I won’t even go into details about how maps must be drawn and strategies must be coordinated due to my additional girth and reduction in nimbleness.

By the way, I think it is extremely unfair to add additional pictures of this little black camisole on a non-pregnant woman. If you market it as a maternity outfit, let’s just show it with a pregnant model. No need to show me how cute this number would look if I could actually tie the darn thing around my growing belly.

Anyway, I think I’ll start small and get a cute babydoll with minimal snaps, ties and doodads. I’ll start simple. There isn’t a need for latex and 5” stilettos.