Tuesday, January 08, 2008

The Mommy Feeling...

Bean, I’ve learned my lesson. You don’t like the idea of seeing your dinner raw. Last night was the second time I felt nauseous and downright put off by my dinner. This has happened twice, once while preparing raw chicken and now while I was preparing to make hamburgers.

You love meat and protein. You can’t get enough of cheese and read meat and pork. You just don’t like to see it in it’s pre-cooked state, I suppose.

What am I supposed to do now? Your dad has offered to follow my instructions to make dinner. I spent the rest of the night eating string beans while dad munched on burgers and fries.

Bean, I think your dad has been hit with the dad bug. This week, he started nonchalantly telling his friends that he’s a dad/pop/daddy/father. He even said some things on separate occasions to family members that made me weepy. You are one lucky baby to have a dad like your daddy. He’s ready to do whatever to give you what you need and protect you.

I hope you grow up to be like him, a strong, supportive, compassionate and loving person. You’ve got his appetite.

I wonder when I’m going to hit the mommy bug. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve found myself hugging my belly around loud noises and unpleasant events on the street. I’m watching everything I eat and being extra careful walking around and doing chores. I can’t watch a show where a kids gets hurt without crying and getting angry. I’m researching good pediatricians and schools and nurseries. I’m doing a lot of ‘mom’ like things but I don’t feel like the mom bug has hit yet. I just feel so unprepared. Is it something that just happens? Is it a feeling?

I feel a change in what's important to me and what really matters now, is that part of the change? Am I going to one day see 'mom' officially blazed on my letter jacket? How does this work? Do I lose my identity as pantrygirl and become 'mom'? I'm not saying that's good or bad just curious.