Monday, November 12, 2007

When does this begin to feel real?

Is this real, baby bean? Are you really here? Sometimes it doesn't feel real at all. Sometimes it feels like this is a dream.

You think your entire life that this will be something you are blessed with but I suppose it doesn't really hit you until it actually happens.

Maybe this is how men feel. There isn't a tangible just yet. The symptoms are there. Logically, I know you are here but sometimes I feel like I will suddenly wake up and this was all just a figment of my imagination.

It's just so big to comprehend. I spent my whole life feeling like I was too young. Could I really be a mom to someone when I could barely care for myself? Could I raise someone who would be an asset to this world?

I suppose God works in mysterious ways and he believes your dad and I can and will. All I can do is teach you patience and compassion. All I can do is teach you appreciation and simplicity in life and I won't be alone.

I know your family, your friends and God will be there teaching and guiding you as well. You are not alone, little one. We will be here for you.
Last night, the fatigue really creeped up on me. It was so bad i started worrying this is what I would feel like for the entire pregnancy.

I know it comes and goes and is at it's worse the first and third trimester but it really socks you.

One minute, you're in the shower feeling all refreshed and squeaky clean. The next, your sitting on your ottoman in your bathrobe wondering if a nap would be a good idea.

Your dad says I sleep as much as I normally do but I swear I am more sleepy now.

Let's put it this way, last night, I left the laundry to be folded on the couch because I just didn't have the energy to sort and fold it.
I've decided, I need to steer clear of the grocery store for a while. After work, I stopped at the store to pick up some veggies for dinner. Instead I came home with 5 russet potatoes, 1 bag of crinkle fries and a container of cherry vanilla ice cream. Ok, I also got a cucumber and some cauliflower but that I didn't eat the cauliflower last night like I should have.

I did scarf down an entire bag of fries though. Ok, your dad helped.

I'm guessing your appetite is like dad's. Potatoes are good. Ice Cream is good.