Monday, November 05, 2007

Reality slowly settling in...

Today I scheduled my confirmation of pregnancy appointment. Tomorrow, they will confirm if I am pregnant.

I'm pretty sure two sticks and intuition are true. I mean, I've had this body for 30+ years and I'd like to think I listen to my body and can interrupt signs most of the time.

I keep thinking about you. Today, I feel like I'm conversing with you. I know that you will be loved by so many. You will never be without love. Your grandmoms will spoil you rotten. Your granddads will be so proud of you. Your uncle will probably plan camping trips with you.

You will be loved.

I'm not apprehensive of being a parent. I'm apprehensive of everything else. I know your dad and I will take care of you and want you to be the best person and we will do what we need to help you use the gifts God has given you.

Today is the St. Elizabeth's feast day. I think it fortuitous. God has blessed your dad and I. St. Elizabeth, pray for us as we become three.
I'm so nervous. This afternoon I found a brown spot in my panties. This evening after dinner, I felt cramping and brown spots in my underwear.

My breasts have stopped aching and I'm strangely feeling back to myself again. Of course, this makes me nervous, happy, sad and upset all at once.

Holy crap, I know it's not good to be worried and an emotional mess but this whole thing is scaring me.

Hubby has been sweet and rubbed the belly until I fell asleep.

I still don't know what he thinks of this all. I guess that's normal. Someone has to be the stable emotional person as I peak and valley.

I find that since my breasts have hurt, I constantly feel myself up. I know that sounds weird but it's like some physical validation this is real although I still don't know if it's real.

Maybe the lack of breast discomfort is freaking me out more than the brown spotting. I mean, I know it's normal for occasional brown spotting.