Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Don't make me call a Time Out, Mom.

Can maniac depressives have seasonal affective disorder? Just wondering.

I called mom Saturday. I wanted to stop by for a visit. She arrived in New York on Thursday. She said she was too tired to talk or for a visit. I’ll probably call her tonight. With grandmother here, it’s not going to be easy for her the next few months.

I haven’t spoken to my MIL since Christmas. I guess I’ll give her a call tonight as well. She’s going through a weird spell where she wants validation for her parenting skills. Lrudlrick has told her to eat some chocolate.

My FIL is acting a bit childish too. It's a long story but he's grasping at straws and he brought me in on the action with a comment on my Christmas card. It's ridiculously stupid and doesn't warrant the time it would take to tell it. Still he's being a hypocritical child and I'm being nice.

What happens when you get old? Do you just slowly lose it? Do you become introverted and introspective?

This falls into my theory that the more kids you have the faster you lose it. It’s faster for women by default because our smart and logical parts are given to our children during the incubation phase. By the 8th kid, you’ve completely lost the skill to rationalize.

This doesn’t stop me from thinking about having them though. I freely accept the fact that I will lose all common sense if I have kids. I'm just jumping on the wagon as quickly as others.

The one thing I don’t want to be is self centered. One of my biggest fears is that I will become so engrossed in my own being that I forget the world around me. I forget others and the affects I can have on them and they to me.

Everyone has there own issues in life, some are similar and other different. Still, actions we make will affect others. For the good of others, one cannot be self absorbed.

We all have our fears and self interests but they shouldn’t dominate your decisions.

Having said that, I wonder if I’m a hypocrite. I say that self interests should not dominate your decisions yet I find myself closing off from my mother for self-preservation reasons. Like a cantankerous colleague, I tune her off. I repeat my mantra, “Don’t take it personal. It’s not personal. Her words are not directed at you.”

I suppose self-preservation isn’t the type of self interest I refer to. Self-preservation is a necessity especially during the holiday family drama that springs up from November through January.

Anyway, I’m just rambling again. Nothing to see here. Moving on. This week, I continue my alphabet game with B is for Bauer. He’s back and I’m giddy with delight.