Sunday, September 24, 2006

I wish it was a sabbatical but unfortunately it wasn't

A lot has been consuming my time and effecting me physically and emotionally. I apologize for the extended absence. Everytime I sat down to write an entry I found myself returning to my confusion and dismay over my relationship with my mother and the predicament that I know I will need to face and own up to.

Between that and looming deadlines, budgets constraints at work and a staff shortage with a freeze on hiring, I’ve been one big ball of hair losing and a 5 day delay in my period. Yes, I was 5 days late for the first time in over 5 years.

I will be honest. I took it rather in stride. If I was pregnant, I planned to take it as a sign that I should gear my life in a different direction. I was ready to drop my crazy hours and crazy job for something more focused on home and family.

What stressed me out wasn’t the possibility of being pregnant but being pregnant and having to support my baby and possibly my mom. That’s what freaked me out.

The last two weeks I spent a lot of time trying to be more focused on my mother. I try not to promote actions or decisions or ideas my mother and I disagree on but I also knew that I’d have to make an effort to not support the ideas but support the person.

But unfortunately through no fault of my mother’s things don’t come easy for her and by association, things I do for my mom take longer than they should. I’m still hashing things out for her and I really don’t want to go into detail about everything. It’s just been very hard for me to remember it’s not give an inch, take a mile but just the way things are. She’s not doing this on purpose.

When I told my husband I was late, he seemed to be taken a back. Five minutes later though, he seemed fine and supporting.

This afternoon while doing household errands she came and she brought friends, cramps. I’m feeling better now thanks to menthol rubs and hot tea.

It’s been a long time since my body has reacted to stress in an apparent way. No matter what, work, personal or family, my body is strangely resilient usually.

The bigger picture after all of this is that something needs to give and I swear it’s not going to be me and my health. I know this is little compared to other health issues, especially since a friend was admitted last week for chest pains and a colleague’s husband had a massive heart attack. Still, I take it as a sign.

I’m not dropping my responsibilities but I need to take care or priorities and realize in the end what is important isn’t the tangible.

I promise to take more time out this week to return to my daily crazy talk. I still need to tell you my take on several new premieres I’ve watched and share with you Lrudlrick’s birthday present, tickets to see The Who.

Tomorrow, I’ll share with you the parking spot that caused an SUV to back up and take photographs.

Related tags: , , ,