Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I’ve Seen All the Good People

Blogs4Bauer's kill count set to stun.

Palmer. Dessler. Lispy. Almeida.

All gone. Spirits in the Sky.

Kim. Audrey. Logan.

Alive. Why?

I’m not sure what this pattern signifies but for Pete’s sake, can Jack have one good thing happen to him? Just one thing. Maybe someone should send him a pick me up bouquet or something.

At least The Hobbit redeemed himself at the very end. All curled up in the fetal position. Rest in peace old hobbit. If that didn’t get you a pass card into Shire Heaven, I don’t know what will. "Rest well and dream of large women." On a side note, why did the writers have to make me feel bad for the death of a red coat? Honestly, adding the call to his daughter was cruel.

Julian Sands at this point is questioning the writers. “I’m the bad guy. Why is my pointy nose spending so much time away from the camera?” The writers heard, Julian. Lucky for you they’re tired of the nerve gas storyline and have decided to release them all at once in some unknown location in LA. Anyone have ideas where casualties could exceed 200,000? Unlucky for you, this means that after that’s done, you’ve got nothing so you may be facing hand to hand combat with broken rib Jack. You better practice your Warlock moves.

Speaking of 200,000 casualties, martial law will probably increase the estimated death tolls but hey, I could be wrong. Besides, now that the red coats have all been killed off, the extras need new roles. Fans, say hello to the Men in Black. Riot footage should be interesting. I'm picturing a Mad Max vs. Escape from NY dark scenario.

Hey President Weezie, do you dress yourself in the morning or do you need a team of advisors to help you with that too?

By the way, did you notice that most of the employees of CTU have a Bachelors in English? And if the President has a Bachelors in History, wouldn't he retain some type of knowledge of errors made by past leaders? I took a class once that focused on historical leadership and ineptitude and that was a pre-req.

C. Thomas Howell isn’t looking very well these days. Soul Man looked pasty and wrinkly. I guess being trapped in a government building surrounded by lethal gas would make anyone look pasty but wouldn’t his breathing exercises help with circulation?

I’m not happy with Kim’s decision to abandon her dad but I could understand. Man, whenever the two are together, death and destruction are abound. Are they ancestors to the horsemen?

I’m going to admit it. I held my breath. I held my breath when Jack went into the contaminated areas and I held my breath when The Hobbit went out. Conclusion: I have no lung capacity whatsoever.

I'd like to state that it seems awfully convenient that a tool box with a entire roll of duct tape was right near the opening to the vent. Honestly, I can’t find my tool box when I really need it and most of the time when I know where it is, it’s crammed behind so much crap in my closet, I give up and decide whatever is broken doesn’t really need to be fixed at the given moment. And is nerve gas filled with acid chomping goodness going to be foiled by duct tape? I know duct tape is multi-functional but I didn't know it could stave off seal eating acid.

I will state that I do keep a pair of pliers and a screwdriver in every room of my apartment. This was a lesson learned after my husband accidentally locked me in our bedroom on a workday without a phone and with two dogs that had not been outside to do their business in over 12 hours. For those interested, do not underestimate the power of bobby pins, a cuticle cutter and nail pusher. Now that’s a storyline 24 should use.

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