Friday, December 09, 2005

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words their like daggers.

Today I propose should be Positive Reinforcement Day.

We've all been there folks. Your self esteem goes on vacation. You have a thesis due and have only completed 40% of the research. You are faced with a soiree for every Aunt and Uncle west of the Mississippi and you've miscalculated and only bought enough meat for 5 people. You have looming deadlines and no resources to help you.

When you resign and have an impending new position your self esteem shoots up. Like a Roman candle, your confidence rises. You can do no wrong. Someone out there wants you.

Then the moment hits when you start questioning yourself. Can I do this? Am I capable of doing this? Most of the time it subsides and you realize you can do it. Today, I heard the rumor mills and my self esteem plummeted.

It's a fact, when you leave an organization, anything that can go wrong is blamed on you. It's nothing personal, it's just a fact. I just didn't think that they'd do it while I was still within earshot.

I have had a turbulent relationship with someone here. I honestly don't know what I did to set her off but since she started, there has been closeted animosity. When people ask me what's up between the two of us, all I can say is that we have different work styles. I'm not contriving some polite reason either. Aside from that, I really don't know what could have lead her to be passive aggressive towards me.

Well, the rumor mills have brought to my attention that the word on the street is that this woman will be taking over leadership of my project and has made it known that 'this time, we'll do it correct."

Now I know I shouldn't let words hurt me, especially when they come from someone who dislikes me but they do. I'm nervous already about my new position and now I have added baggage of low self esteem. Thanks. 10+ years after my high school days and I feel like I'm still in Mean Girls.

This got me thinking, how many times have we all had a Bad Self-Esteem Day? We know deep down inside it will pass but we wish it would hurry along its way. Usually, that's when we call our personal pep squad and get a little boost of confidence to pull us through it.

Why shouldn't we have something similar on paperor pseudo-paper? Today, I suggest you write something positive about someone you know, online or off. It can be a public or private declaration. In any case, the recipient will get a wonderful uplifting surprise that can be pulled out every now and then as a reminder. If writing seems too much, you can just say a small line about that person.

Here is my public list (in no particular order): If I don't include you, please do not be offended. I am only limiting myself to 8 people.

JudyRoc is a great listener and has a independent spirit that more women should have.

Kestrel is an amazing artist with more talent in her pinky than any artist I've seen showcased in Soho and that includes some personal friends. Shhh. Don't tell them.

Stef is a wonderful role model for any woman juggling parenthood and work life. Her no nonsense approach to life's curveballs shows women are really stronger than men.

Judy is a wonderful mother to two adorable, makes-my-ovaries-ache boys and a devoted wife. If more mothers were like her, the future would truly be brighter.

Amy is the most dependable and loyal friend around. You can always guarantee that she'll be there for you to listen, to vent or to just gossip about the latest starlet. Plus, she can hold down more liquor than a 250 lb linebacker.

Indigo runs miles over most, literally! Her dedication and determination is something everyone should aspire towards. Now if she can only bottle her dedication to running and sell it, I'd have Angelina Jolie's thighs. Ok, maybe not but still…

Marie knows what she wants and she gets it. More women should be as assertive and committed.

Brianna's family values and strong
sense of tradition makes me strive to learn more about my family's tradition and to start some of my own. BTW, if you want to see a wonderful example of Positive Reinforcement, check out her sister's letter to her.

Ok, you might be asking why only women? Well, it's not that I think men don't need a confidence boost every now and then. As a woman, I know men need the ego stroke too and I'm not referring to the dirty kind.

I just don't see men calling their friends after someone defames them. I also don't see many men defaming other men. "I can't believe that John said that. He should talk. If he stuck his head out of his ass he'd see the whole picture and refrain from putting his foot in his mouth."

Here is a universal stroke for the men out there. "Insert name, you're the best at solving my problems. You know just what to say to make it better. I'm glad I have you to protect me."

Ok, it's your turn, whether public or private, tell someone you know something you admire about them. Go on. Get.