Thursday, December 08, 2005

Nobody Puts Tanny in the Corner.

Tree Day. Today is tree day. Usually, Lrudlrick and I do a Harry and Sally and buy a tree off the street and lug it up the hill towards our apartment. In the process we lose 40% of the needles. This year, I purchased a tree from a small family run farm. I hear they are fresher and well, I was influenced by the Ben and Jerry’s commercial where the Vermont farmer talks about family farms are a dying lot.

L: I think Ben and Jerry meant Dairy farmers.
pg: Cow. Tree. It’s all the same.

According to the lady I spoke with, O Tannenbaum, should arrive today. What more can a girl ask for, groceries, dog food and the occasional 7 foot spruce all can be delivered to my doorstep.

Speaking of groceries, I received an email a few days ago from a supervisor at FreshDirect's PR firm thanking me for mentioning FD.

Being the New Yorker that I am, at first I was apprehensive. Corporations never talk to the little people but I'm going to take it as is and accept the thanks.

If you are fortunate enough to have FreshDirect in your neighborhood, I strongly suggest you check them out. Without them, my shindigs would be more stressful to prepare for. They have a great selection of fresh veggies, fruits, meats and seafood and the delivery men have been nothing but nice to me. Ok, I had a small run in with one guy involving my dog and walking it but that's a long story that goes no where.

Anyway, I'm shamelessly plugging FreshDirect again. My three holiday meals are on their way to be a success because of these guys. If your neighborhood is like mine, there are only a few grocery stores and the selection is pallid. You also have a high end food mart but that comes with high end prices. Sure, I do occasionally purchase small items at the grocery store but when it comes down to quality selection, especially in their growing organic division, FreshDirect beats them hands down in selection and convenience.

I still buy stuff at Chelsea Market and will do an occasional trip to Western Beef or Fairway but you can't beat ordering a crown rib in the comforts of your own home.

Disclaimer: Before the rumors fly, there was no under the table deal of any kind made with FD. FD and I did not do a Bennifer 2.0 deal (alleged deal). I have not signed a 'Starbucks'-like contract and am not receiving any monetary gift for this plug although, if someone really wanted to discuss inserting a banner or sidebar hyperlink, I wouldn't oppose it. Yes, I like them that much.

Back to tree day. If the tree does arrive tonight, I have the daunting task of hacking 1” off the trunk by myself. Lrudlrick is heading to the Depeche Mode concert tonight with his buddies. It’s been a tradition with these guys since the late 80’s. It sounds like fun and I’m sure it will beat out the horrific Duran Duran concert of 2003. Don’t get me wrong, Duran Duran had its moment and my dad can attest to my infatuation with Simon Le Bon back in the days but it was horrible to watch these men fight their aging bodies and tour. Duran is not The Stones. The last time I saw the Stones, Mick was in better shape than I was. Holy cow, I was 7 rows from the front and the man was in fine form. Simon, before you tour again, pick up a Bowflex and do some cardio, please. Depeche should be fun. The Bravery is opening and I like their singles but I’ve always liked the UK rock sound. Enjoy boys! Don’t forget to wipe the eyeliner off before you taxi it home.

Last year, because I was paranoid, I thought I might try fire proofing my tree. I read an article about how a solution of corn syrup, bleach and borax would soak the tree to the point it was nearly fire proof. I don’t know why I was paranoid. I have had a fresh tree in my apartment since the 90’s and never did I fire proof it. Nevertheless, I did fire proof the bloody thing and well, it was a pain in the ass. In the end, I decided that I’ve done so far to avoid a burning bush incident and that it was unnecessary to go through the rigmarole again.

Every year I ask myself the same question about live trees and NYC. This year, I’m putting it out in the blogsphere. How and where are we supposed to be sawing 1” of trunk off? In all my years in NYC, I have never seen people lugging their trees out on the street, propping them up on cinderblocks and lobbing off the ends. Logically you would think tree sellers would offer this service but all I’ve seen are tree sellers willing to net and/or spike your tree. Am I the only New Yorker who cuts 1” off the base? If you are a New Yorker, what do you do?

This year, I’m contemplating asking our building’s porter to drag Tanny to the courtyard and do the dirty deed. On second thought, that sentence conjured some obscene thoughts. No one is doing anything nasty to my Tanny.