Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Male refrigerator blindness extends past the chill chest.

I’m not a seller however, when I have something extra that someone may want or can use, I’ll happily sell it. My husband would rather throw out a perfectly good item because he’s too lazy to ship/drive the item to someone.

Whining and complaining begins. It’s as if he’s never used a pc before. “How do I make a label? How do I send an invoice? Reading the simple form titles is too much for his brain. He simply shuts down.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fond of the whole thing either but I also know that whining isn’t going to get me anywhere.

I’ve offered to handle the selling aspect of an item for him. I’ve also suggested asking Dave to do it for a nominal fee. Dave is the best online salesman I know. In his past life he must have been a copy writer. Of course, being a male, he takes this as a challenge. “Me Male. Me do.”

Because he's not keen on the whole process yet feels he must do it for the sake of his ego, selling something as small as a VCR becomes painful for both him and me.

I honestly believe in male blindness. Male blindness is when something is blazingly apparent but the viewer by sheer will denies its existence. It’s like selective hearing except it’s your visual acuity that is interrupted. Call me whatever but this talent seems to run in those with a Y-chromosome.

L: I can’t find the mailing address.
pg: It’s on the payment receipt.
L: Where?
pg: Under the heading, ‘Shipping Address’.
L: silence
pg: Shipping Address: John Smith 1 Pocahontas Way. Cleveland, OH
L: Ah. Ok. I see it now.

L: I can’t find the Snapple.
pg: It’s in the fridge, on the second shelf, left of the milk carton.
L: silence
pg: It’s right of the orange juice before the bottled water.
L: Ah. Ok. I see it now.

L: I can’t find my metrocard.
pg: It’s probably in your jacket.
L: No. I checked.
pg: Is it by your keys?
L: Where are my keys?
pg:You left them on the table in the living room by the recliner.
L: silence
pg:Next to the Snapple bottle, behind the photo frame my brother gave us.
L: Ah. Ok. I see it now.

Someone needs to start a Male Blindness Foundation to combat M.B. I’m not sure if it’s a neurological, ophthalmological or psychological based disease. I tend to lean towards the later.

I think Male Blindness is a defense mechanism. The X-chromosomes seem to have a lock on Multi-tasking. Most Y-chromosomes do not have this ability. When asked to compute something while meeting the one objective, it doesn’t know what to do. Focus becomes erratic. Perspiration increases. Heart rate increases. Should I head to work or should I find my keys? Should I take the trash out or refill the trash bag?

For X, it’s not whether one should be done or not but in what order shall both tasks be done. Without this multi-tasking gene, Y’s brain begins the shutdown sequence. Just like a pc overheats and hibernates, so too does Y’s brain. “I just want to make an omelet!” I don’t care about how many eggs or where to find the skillet and spatula. That’s too complicated!

We need a cure. Until that time, women (and some men) will have to endure the calls at odd hours looking for items. Just one note ladies, turn your phone off at the gynecologist’s office. You don’t want to get the odd call asking where the extension cords are while your feet are on the stirrups. Trust me.