I am a grumpy New Yorker. Yes, I’m the New Yorker that grumbles bout the crowds as I past the Macy’s holiday displays.
I’m sorry, I’m just not cut out for the Black Friday crowds. We went to Herald Square on Friday because Lrudlrick doesn’t realize yet that to get an Xbox 360, you need to be on a waitlist longer than the National Kidney Association’s list. “Why didn’t you just reserve one like I told you?” “Because hunting for the elusive 360 is part of the fun.”
Friday in Midtown during the trifecta (busiest shopping day, highest gridlock alert day, most popular tourist attraction season) is not my idea of fun. However, since I was still in need of a present for my FIL and I did need a hat, I tagged along.
Usually, I can hold my own on the street. It takes a lot of chutzpah to maneuver the city streets when you’re 5’3”. However, on Friday, I needed more than bravery and sheer determination. I needed a crossbow. People go nuts when they see a sale and they will do anything, include stomp over you to get to the Cowl neck sweaters on sale at The Limited.
Even Home Depot was mauled with people. Apparently many of you, including possibly myself, will be getting tools for the holidays. We went in looking for a combo dimmer/occupancy sensor switch for our hallway. Do you know that there isn’t one? Apparently, you can have a dimmer or an occupancy sensor but you can’t have them both.
Back to my grumpiness. See, I was shoved and pushed and hovered over to the point where I screamed, for people to get the bloody hell away from me. If you were one of the unfortunate tourists that had to witness NYC hospitality at its weakest, I’m genuinely sorry. You caught me on a really bad day. I’m very hospitable. Honest.
Oh, and the icing on the cake was some guy had the nerve to hit on my while I was plowing my way through the throngs of pedestrians. Lrudlrick, the ever-vigilant husband, was oblivious to the man who felt the need to crotch his 6’4” self down to whisper the worst line I’ve heard in ages. Sadly, I was about to flirt back with him so he could pick me up and fly me over the flock of bargain shoppers and window gawkers like Patrick Swayze and Baby in Dirty Dancing.
What was the come on line? Something about being the true window display. I remember thinking, has that really worked on anyone?
Anyway, we did a search on Craigslist for an Xbox 360. Actually, Lrudlrick did. People will do anything for this thing. One ad, offered oral gratification for an Xbox 360. Now, maybe, I’m not getting it but oral gratification for a gaming console? Really? Are you that desperate?
“Listen, Lrudlrick, if you are that desperate you’d pimp out your wife for this toy, I go only as far as allowing some strange person to suck my toes and even that would require a paper bag over my head and a lot of alcohol.”
If you have any leads and accept cash for the console, then email me. Act now and you’ll get a homemade box of cookies. What? Were you hoping for the toe sucking? Otherwise, my husband will just have to wait until Valentine’s Day for this baby.