Friday, October 07, 2005

"When men say I'm sweet as candy as around in a dance we whirl, it goes to my head like brandy. I enjoy being a girl!"

I hate marketing myself. I know I’m great. I know my work is great. I just hate saying it to people. That’s why I’m awful with the job interviews and networking. I have gotten better but I’m just not comfortable with that whole whoring.

My husband is good at that. When I posed him the question I was asked recently, “Do you want my job?” He immediately said, “Are you offering? Don’t put it out there unless you’re serious.” Me, I answer, “Well, I love a challenge.” I’m an idiot when it comes to those hard hitting questions.

Personally, I don’t want to look like a possible back stabber. I’m not. I’m far from a back stabber. I’ve been back stabbed a few times so I know how it feels to be on the other end. I would never want a job I didn’t earn which I suppose will be my downfall in my quest for total world domination. Honestly, I don’t want total world domination. I can’t even play Parchesi without getting an aneurysm.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I feel like Queen of the heap and I don’t degrade myself in any way. I’m proud of my accomplishments and my talents. I just hate doing the dog and pony show. My work should reflect me and that’s what I try to do in all my projects.

Give me a job and I’ll do better than anyone around you just don’t make me say it.

I’m at this point in my life where I ask myself what the hell happened? Seriously, what happened to my master plan, marry a sugar daddy and have sugar babies? Noooooooo. I had to fall in love and let go of my Anna Nicole dreams.

I read a NY Times article a few weeks back about how a few women today expect to graduate, marry well and stay at home with the kids. They wrote this as if this is something new and out of the norm. Granted, we all had that 80’s career gal phase to live through but all my friends have had the same idea. They may not have admitted it but they did.

I’ll admit it. I did. Then I got a job that I really enjoy. It’s totally stressful and at times I just want to hang up the white flag but I come back every day. Maybe I’ve been in the workforce too long now but I don’t think I’d stay home if I had the opportunity.

When I was younger, my mother wasn’t a stay at home mom. She never joined the PTA nor did she volunteer in any Mother’s club events. I swore up and down that when I had children, I’d stay at home and be a part of their experiences as much as I could until they were at least 8 years old. I don’t know where I got the arbitrary age of 8. Maybe I felt like I missed out on that with my mother.

Now that I’m older, I wonder if that would be something I would be able to do. I’d love to stay at home during the first few years but I get the impression that I’d feel as if I would never be able to get back on the work bus. A new crowd of people and technology would be there and I’d be the geeky girl looking for an empty chair to hide in.

Plus, would I be an awful parent because I love my job? I think I’d probably feel terrible if I missed Little Johnnie’s soccer game or Little Jack’s spelling bee. Johnnie and Jack are my pretend kid’s names. They were named after my kitchen staples, Jack Daniels and Johnnie Walker Black. I suppose I should place a disclaimer to family who are reading this. If we have kids, I will not name them after liquor brands. It’s a shame though; Stoli would make a cute girl’s name.

I know a lot of women swear that men have it easier and in a way they do but they also have their burdens. They do have the burden of being the classified ‘head of the household’. I hate that classification. Whenever an application has that, I sometimes want to scribble in ‘co-head’. Many of households I know are run by a joint commission. Funny thing is my husband works in market research so everything to him is categories like the aforementioned. You’re ‘under 18’ or ‘65+’. You’re single, dating/engaged, married, divorced/separated or widowed. I hate the whole categorizing of humans and that comes from a person that catalogs her socks.

I have a friend that is the ‘breadwinner’ in his family and he’s living on pins and needles nowadays because there are rumors of layoffs. He’s developed an ulcer the size of Rhode Island. His wife works part-time and because of the cost of childcare, they find it more affordable to have one person stay at home. Essentially, it puts him in the tough task of dealing with ensuring that he can continue to work and provide while still trying to find time to spend with his kids. The whole layoff thing adds to the pressure.

I have no idea how our parents did it in the 70’s and 80’s. 4-5 kids in each household. At least 2 cars in the garage. I never saw my parents break out into sweats over finances but they must have. “You do what you have to do.” said a friend. I suppose she’s right.

This all comes up now because there comes a point well, several points in a gal’s life when she has to reevaluate what her priorities are and her goals. Birthdays are one point. Career moves are another. Lucky for me I have both to contend with this month. Yippeeee I know every female I know has had to contend with these dilemmas. I just find it fascinating that every generation modern generation of woman that I know has had to deal with this and still there are no clear cut answers.