Thursday, October 06, 2005

Today, It's all about bodily functions.

Pooch Cafe Courtesy of

Z-girl has been on meds for months now. Since her annual, the doc has prescribed her antibiotics and a corticosteroid for her hot spots. The August heat wave spawned a rash that won’t leave. Every two weeks, we need to send her back for a follow up exam. So far he’s kept her on the medication but now I have to bathe her twice a week with this disgustingly thick shampoo.

Sure, shampooing a 60+ lb dog twice a week isn’t what I had hoped for but it sure beats the pills she’s on. I don’t know what it is about those pills but they makes her drink water as if it’s going out of style. Honestly, the dog can pee for over a minute. She’s a girl dog so she squats but I can still she her knees buckle from the strain.

We told the doctor and he lowered the dosage from two pills to one pill twice a day. That didn’t’ work. We’re down to half a pill twice a day but she’s still drowning the ants at the park.

The worst part about this whole heat rash business is the follow up visits to the vet. Last Saturday, Lrudlrick took her to her follow up while I went for my Lasik follow up. He returned with that gross shampoo I spoke of and a dog that obviously caught something from another patient at the office.

At 4am that morning, we awoke to find dog sick in three various locations around my vanity. Since Lrudlrick was feeling sick himself, I was left to scrub and steam clean the bedroom rug by myself. At 6am, she got sick again. This time, she threw up on her bed. Guess who is getting a new bed? Bed thrown out, I stayed up and got ready for church and a sidewalk sale.

The rest of the day, Lrudlrick and I took turns checking up on Z-girl. She puked once more. This time on her brother’s bed. New beds for everyone! We wisely rolled up the rest of our rugs and quarantined her in the dining room.

That day, she looked like the saddest pup in the world. Her eyebrows were lowered and she had this sad droopy look on her face. I continued to give her the antibiotics but held off on the ‘pee pill’ to avoid dehydration. She didn’t eat for two days and drank very little water.

By Monday, she developed a small appetite but still was not her Augustus Gloop-self. Now, I suppose most people would be worried by this time. Dogs usually recoup within 24 hours but if a human was as sick as she was, he/she wouldn’t want to eat for at least three days after.

I didn’t begin to worry until yesterday when The Poopernator passed the 48 hour mark since last poop. Not to get disgusting although this whole entry is pretty gross in the whole but Z-girl could fertilize Madison Square Park all by herself. The girl can poop. She’s been known to pull a three poop walk!

Well, low and behold at 11pm last night, she finally pooped. I lavished her with praise as if she had anything to do with the fact that her body decided to expel. The bus driver must have busted a gut watching me praise her to no end for a poop well done.

I guess whatever she had finally passed because as of this morning, she’s back to eating like a large German boy in lederhosen.

Pooch Cafe Courtesy of

Lrudlrick and I spend a lot of time discussing poop. Maybe it’s because we have to curb our dogs but we’re extremely intimate with our dogs excrement; more so than I’d care to admit. We’ve been known to start off conversations with “Did they poop?” No, "Hi Honey" but "Did they go?" My favorite is the analysis. “He didn’t. She did but it was a bit runny.” “It was a substantial load.” “He looked like he wanted to but the pizza delivery guy distracted him.”

Do parents of babies do the same thing? What do the dogs think of our conversations? Clearly my two dogs know the word ‘poop’ and its definition. My high school psychology teacher once told me that when potty training, a parent should not flush a child’s poop in front of them because the child perceives the poop as his/her creation and you trashing their work of art. Personally, I think that’s a bunch of poo Yes I had to do it. but what if that’s what the dogs believe they are doing. What if they think they are making a present for me? Here I am wrapping it in paper towels and plastic baggies. They must think I’m gift wrapping it for the trash man.