Thursday, September 15, 2005

No Linty Sweaters inside the laser room.

My boss: Hey, I just noticed you've been wearing your glasses for a while. Is this your new look?
L: 50's librarian? No. I need to be off my contacts for 2 weeks so my curvatures return to their normal state.
Boss: Oh, thought you liked the look.

Everyone has been sending me well wishes for my surgery. Thanks guys. It still hasn't hit me yet.

I guess it will hit me on the ride over.
I've read the do's and don'ts several times now and I'm astonished to see that I'm not complaining.

Apparently, I'm not supposed to do a lot of things after surgery. Here's a list:

Do not rub your eyes. Well you shouldn’t do this anyway.

Do not shower until the next morning. Do not let the spray fall on your face. First, how do I wash my face then? Second, my husband found this particular line amusing. I think he’s just got a dirty mind.

No makeup for a week. Are you kidding me? I haven’t been without makeup since I was 12. Heck, I’ve brought makeup to a camping trip. I even put on lip gloss to walk my dogs.

Do not let hair products enter your eyes. Well at least the humidity has prevented me from doing anything aside from putting my hair up in a ponytail or twist.

Avoid dust or dirty environments for a week. Guess who gets to clean the house for a week, Lrudlrick.

No swimming for 1 week. Unless I somehow slip into the Hudson, that’s not a problem.

No heavy weight lifting for 1 week. Guess who gets a week reprieve from packing?

No contact or racquet sports for 2 weeks. Protective sports glasses are recommended thereafter. Lrudlrick wants to know if this includes sex. Please don’t ask this of the nurse tomorrow.

Aerobic exercise can be resumed after 1 week. Lrudlrick wants to know if this includes sex.

No seasonal sports for 1 week. Lrudlrick, this does not refer to sex.

No flying for 1 week. This bums me the most. I can’t go to Vancouver with Lrudlrick next week. I’ve always wanted to visit Vancouver and check out the islands. I heard Whistler was a wonderful place to stay.

I’ve also learned that I’m supposed to wear protective shields at night for 4-5 nights. Now, I don’t know what these things look like but if they are anything like the retainer I had to wear when I was a kid, Lrudlrick is going to make fun of me for 5 nights. I guess I can complete the look by putting rollers in my hair and a face mask but according to the instructions, I need to refrain from spraying my face with water the first morning after. Am I the only one that still thinks that’s disgusting? I hope the nurse explains this or gives me another alternative. The idea of walking around with an unclean, no makeup face brings vain Pantrygirl out.

Tonight, I need to use antibiotic drops in my eyes. Apparently this is a new trend in Lasik surgery. It's strictly a precautionary measure. After the surgery I continue with a bunch of other drops which I’ll get instructions on tomorrow.

Lrudlrick is insistent that he watch the procedure which terrifies me more. Lrudlrick doesn’t have a face that can mask his disgust very well. Now, I know I won’t be able to see him but still, the idea that he’s there behind some glass staring with a look that spells disgust doesn’t calm me any.

Let’s see if he changes his mind tomorrow after he sees my eye on the Jumbotron.

Oh, I’d take pics well, Lrudlrick would but the instructions clearly say, no video, no cameras, cell phones or pagers. Besides, I really don’t think I want any commemorative wallet size photos of my eye being lasered. BTW, Lrudlrick, this also goes for any ideas you have of filming any future births of offspring. Let’s let selective memory do it’s thing.