Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Things I learned at the Met:

1. Don’t get drunk at Matisse’s home
Matisse draped his fabric all over his home. It’s a psychedelic trip without the nasty side effects of drugs.

2. Matisse is one of the first fashion designers
It’s all about fabric baby. Oh, and the models are super tiny. The coats and vests displayed could fit a pre-pubescent child.

3. If you want to know what it feels like to be a rat in a maze, go to the Met
I am a very good navigational pilot. My girl scout training has taught me well but by hour 3 at the Met, I was so exhausted, I couldn’t find my way back out to the front entrance. I must have passed the Arms and Armor collection at least 6 times before I found my way out.
I never felt more helpless. I flashbacked to when I got lost at Bloomingdales when I was 8 years old. I was ready to kick my shoes off, sit on the floor and start crying until I weaved my way to the gift shop and found freedom.

4. The closest I’ll get to Egypt is on 84th and 5th
My cousin Dave and I are seem to be the only people who have a desire to go to Egypt. After last week’s bombings, I’m going to assume that the closest I’ll get to being in Egypt is standing at Pernab’s tomb, conveniently located on 84th and 5th.

5. I could never be a knight
I could have worn the displayed codpiece as a helmet. How the heck did these guys move around? Oh, and I’m pretty sure, these men were quite ripe after a days work.

6. Drinking a martini on the roof of the Met on a blisteringly hot day may not be the best way to cool down
I was so dizzy afterwards, I nearly passed out in the cramped elevator. I felt like one of Sol Lewitt’s sculptures.

7. I could never be a fashion designer
As I weaved my way passed the throngs of visitors at the Chanel exhibit, one thing became clear to me, I may love clothes but I am no designer. Honestly, I felt like I was going through aisle upon aisles of mannequins at Macy’s. Now, I do love the simplistic lines but I just don’t get why there has to be an exhibit of it in the Met.
I’m all for the period piece exhibits. Those are always fun to check out but Coco Chanel? Guess, that’s why I shop at The Gap.

8. Death by sword seems more noble than death by gun shot
I had a difficult time staying in the gun gallery. However, I could have stayed a little longer at the sword display. I suppose there is a level of craftmanship and skill I can associate with swords. Being in the dark room filled with guns just seemed creepy and cold.

I'm going to have a Piazza.

Backgammon set made of bone and ivory

The size of this armor is intimidating.

The closest I'll get to going to Egypt.

On a clear day, you can see forever.

Blue skies and martini highs.