Thursday, June 30, 2005

"They do it down on camber sands."

Today is the last day of the fiscal year. To say that everyone is working at a feverish pace is to describe things here lightly.

For the last three days, I have been sporting a pony tail. Since I’ve chopped my hair last year, I’ve rarely worn a ponytail. When my hair was down to my ass, sweet relief was found in ponytails and French twists. Now that it’s shoulder length, I only put it up when I’m cooking.

However, the humidity has been brutal these last few days. So to avoid looking like a wet mop, I’ve been sporting a pony tail that has made me look even younger than I appear. With my business suit, grown up heels and backpack on, I look like I’m heading to an interview for an internship.

This is going to shock many people but I’ve been sporting a backpack as of late. I still use my pretty pocketbooks but I needed something to carry my lunch and my workout clothes. Since the sun is out longer, I’ve been changing into a tee and sweatpants/shorts and walking home. This has been my exercise. Sure our building has a gym, but pantrygirl is lazy and to be honest, too cheap to pay for the gym membership. Personally, I’d do better just flushing it down the toilet than to sign up for a gym membership.

A workout to me must be low speed. Mediation, walking, swimming and biking are doable. Spinning and any thing that requires prolonged periods of time staring at my sweaty self in a room full of mirrors? Not so much. I saw on television a clip about strip dancing for exercise. The male instructor was a cross between Paul Lynde and Richard Simmons sans weight.

Now, if I were to sign up for a strip class, I’d hope the instructor was a female. Call me whatever, but if I have to stare at a man gyrating and he doesn’t look like this guy below, I want my entrance fee back.

Eye Candy

BTW, it is ok to scroll back up and stare. I did for 2 whole minutes before my body forced me to blink. Thanks, D*ana for the amazing eye candy.

Going back to the workout, the male instructor had a class of 10 women who tried to follow his risqué moves. I don’t know what was more embarrassing, me watching the women trying to imitate Dick Lynde or me watching Dick Lynde being seductive. Again, a female should be teaching this class.

Yes, everyone has tried the seduction dance. However, most of us have done this in the comforts of our home and most likely in front of someone that is either smart enough not to laugh or just happy they are getting some that night.

The only way I’d be able to take a belly dancing, strip tease or pole dancing class is if I was with my girlfriends and we’ve each had three mojitos. Hey, that’s a great bridal shower to do! Next person I know getting married is getting a bridal shower pole dancing class. Be forewarned.

We’ll be off to enjoy our seaside holiday but we’ll be back shortly. Totally unplugged, I’ll be found on the beach with a book, blanket and a cocktail. With the red tide, can I eat lobster? What about crab, clam and scallops? If I survive the red tide, I'll be back to fill you in on my electronic-less holiday.

To everyone, have a wonderful Happy Fourth! Eat more potato salad. Enjoy the fireworks and watch out for those sparklers! A story for another day. Those things are deadly.

But behind the chalet...