Tuesday, May 03, 2005

"Thanks for all the fish"

It’s been awhile. The beginning of the month is always hectic here. My plans to be more extroverted and get my ass out of the chair have been going. I’ve even stopped by offices just to say hi. Man, this is so not like me. It’s too early to tell if this changes my outlook here but we’ll find out how long I can keep this grin up.

My head is still swarming with work stuff but I’ll just point out a few things from the weekend:

1. Rock, Paper, Scissor
Leave it to Christie’s to do the right thing and take advice from the experts, children. “Everybody knows you always start with scissors," she added. "Rock is way too obvious, and scissors beats paper." Flora piped in. "Since they were beginners, scissors was definitely the safest," she said, adding that if the other side were also to choose scissors and another round was required, the correct play would be to stick to scissors - because, as Alice explained, "Everybody expects you to choose rock."

2. “Have some dignity, man.” -- Lrudlrick
Ok, I’ve now learned what happens when a person tries to plan a wedding with 600 guests. Ok, maybe she didn’t plan it to be so gargantuan. My mother tried desperately to balloon our guest list to 200. Her guest list included people I didn’t even know. Some of the people she listed were under suspicious titles. Apparently, I have 35 ‘Aunts’ and ‘Uncles’ I have either never met or met during my incubation in my mother’s womb. BTW, the correct response to your mother when she wants to invite Estelle, her hair dresser, is “You get one table, ma. One table. You can invite whomever for this table but remember, it only has 8 seats.” If you’re footing the bill and your mother suggests she pay for ‘her tables’ like my mother did, you can either reiterate ‘One Table, Ma’ until your blue in the face or change your wedding plans like I did. A destination wedding for 20 was the best move for us.

Back to Ms. Brat, soon to be, Mrs. Get Out of Jail Free card. I don’t understand this. You still want to marry her? Sure stress makes you do crazy things but I’d like to think she could run to her future husband to air it out. How will she handle the stress of pregnancy, motherhood, wifedom and career?

Ok, I don’t know the whole story, nor do I want to. Everyone says she has issues. No one even knows if she wanted the 600 guests.

I’m going to believe that this isn’t her fault but rather the fault of stupidity inbreeding. After the plans for a wedding ballooned out of their control, the couple mutually agreed to elope in Vegas. She was going to take the first bus out and he’d meet her after he got off of work. Unfortunately, the husband realized he forgot his passport and went home to retrieve it. When he got home, his uncle was there and he had to wait until he left to get his passport. Wondering if he left yet, the bride to be calls home to find out where he was. The uncle picks up the phone and she freaks. Since her voice would be distant sounding because of her location, she makes up some crazy scheme about ‘Puerto Ricans’ kidnapping her. Not knowing what to do, the husband plays along. From there, everything was blown out of proportion. All 50 police officers were called out to search for the missing bride and CNN, based in Atlanta, gets called. It’s sensationalism of the stupid, ladies and gentlemen.

BTW, I have family in Georgia. I love Georgia except when kin decide to get married in the dead heat of August and the church doesn’t have air conditioning. However, much needs to be said about an education system that considered using the phrase ‘biological changes over time’ to avoid the use of the word, "evolution".

3. Hitching a ride, where? Spoiler alert…
I saw Hitchhiker’s Guide on Sunday. I’ve never read the book. I thought it was cute and laughed heartily at times. I love off kilter British humor but the movie seemed a bit incomplete. Americans want answers. Why do I have to know where my towel is? Why is Marvin so depressed? Why does Malkovich want the gun? Why are the little kid people mice? Did they die or just evaporate? Why can’t a computer make a decent cup of tea?

Those who have read Hitchhiker’s, are these questions answered? If I read this book, am I going to finish it with more questions? Oh, and am I the only person that can’t get the dolphin song out of my head?

Tonight's menu:

Chocolate Raspberry Cake

Why can't cakes be for 1 or 2 servings? I hate baking a cake and having to eat it all by myself. Guess, I'm going to make mini-cakes and bring some in to work.