Wednesday, May 11, 2005

My first addiction...

This morning, I kept humming the Sugar Crisps theme song. This led me to think about all the cereals I have eaten in my lifetime.

1. Sugar Smacks
Why the hell are they shaped like camel toes? If the mascot is a frog, shouldn’t it be frog-like? I suppose sugar coated webbed feet isn’t the most appealing looking item to eat but what about frog eyes? Are they supposed to resemble the warts on a toad? If so, frogs and toads are different.

2. Frosted Flakes, Fruit Loops, Lucky Charms, Cocoa and Fruity Pebbles and Trix
At some point in my life, my body has rejected these sugary goods. Some just don’t look right to me. i.e. fruity pebbles. They look like the colored gravel in my husband’s old fish tank. I find myself gagging after each spoonful. This pains me because it means my palate is swaying and I fear grape nuts may not be too far behind.

3. Grape Nuts
Yes, I did try this stuff. Who the hell eats this stuff? I thought hey, it looks like sprinkles for ice cream. Let me try. Man, they may resemble the chocolate crunchies from Carvel but they are no chocolate crunchies. Besides the taste, I felt like my teeth were going to fall off.

4. Life, Chex, Rice Krispies and anything puffy and checkerboard-like
Man oh man, I love these things. I can eat an entire box by myself. There something about the little checkerboards that satisfies my OCD. It’s a very calming experience. I imagine the calmness like the oneness a Tibetan monk must feel connected with the universe.

5. Apple Jacks
We all know there aren’t any apples and only the marketing geniuses at Kellogg’s know why they are orange with pink specs. However, you don’t need to be a kid to know these darn things are simply delicious. Unlike most of my cereal, I prefer these to be a bit on the soggy side. I like how puffy and spongy they look.

6. Cheerios
Since we’re talking about donut shaped cereals, I must mention my love of Cheerios. You don’t mess with simplicity.

7. Total and any Corn Flake cereal
My husband can’t get enough of Corn Flakes. An ex-boyfriend would stock up on Total cereal. Personally, I can skip flake cereal but I can handle an occasional Raisin Bran. Don’t get me wrong, I love flake cereal but it gets too soggy for me too quickly. I’m a slow cereal eater. I like to know that the last few bites aren’t going to be a decomposing mess of milk and grains.

8. Wheaties
I have a confession. I’ve never had Wheaties. They look like corn flakes to me. What do these thing taste like? I just never had a hankering for Wheaties nor has anyone else I’ve asked.

9. Alpha bits, Cap'n Crunch, Cocoa Puffs, Count Chocula
I eat these cereals merely because their mascots are cute. Ok, Alpha bits doesn’t have a mascot unless you count the giant ‘A’ but it’s cool to make words out of your food. I never got a chance to it Boo Berry or FrankenBerry. My mother felt the characters looked too stoned for her kids to eat them so she stockpiled us with cereal so addictive a hopped up Bird, Rabbit and Burglar have to go around stealing it from kids.

10. Corn Pops, Cookie Crisps, Honey Combs, Golden Grahams and Kix
If I had to choose my favorite ‘kids’ cereals, these babies would be it. I’d add Apple Jacks but I personally feel Apple Jacks is an adult cereal. I see more adults eating them than kids.