Monday, May 09, 2005

Babies, Boobies and Fruit

After the car ordeal, we made it home by 5:30pm. Throughout this whole ordeal, I was worried that the evening plans would be ruined but things went well. In fact it was a welcome surprise after the craziness of the day. We went to Caroline’s for some much needed comedy. It was quite fun. I hadn’t been to a comedy club since the early 90’s. Afterwards, we walked around Times Square. BTW, I find it odd that adult shops are restricted to non-residential areas but adult videos can advertise willy-nilly in gigantic lit advertisements. Don’t believe me? Head to 48th and Broadway, by the Hershey store and look towards the eastside. You will see a giant three dimensional video cover with Jenna Jameson on the cover. I should have taken a picture but I didn’t want to look like a perv. Ok, who am I kidding, I doubt I’d look like the perv. I’d have my husband take the picture so he’d be the perv.

Sunday, Mom’s Day was spent as usual, church, martial arts and chores. Before you guys ask, yes, I called my mother for Mother’s Day. I even sent her a basket of fruit. Funny thing about my presents to my mother, I send her flowers, fruit and stuff every now and then. I usually do this for my MIL as well. Every time, my MIL calls to thank me for the wonderful surprise. My mother doesn’t call me and when I do speak to her, she tells me that she received a package but it didn’t have who it was from. This causes her to call all her friends and family to thank them for the gifts they didn’t send. Why she doesn’t think it would be from her daughter, especially after the third delivery, why I’m family and I have never received a call and why my MIL receives a gift card and my mom doesn’t alludes me. We called our moms and some aunts and that was that.

Then Lrudlrick turned to me and told me that he wanted to wish me a Happy Mom’s Day because I was his ‘hot mama’. Ok, everyone puke. It’s ok. In what I call the geisha move, I instinctually smiled, looked away and giggled. Now, this instinct is common in many women I know. You don’t need to be Asian to do the geisha move. You just need a man to say something so cheesy yet complimentary. Your response can either be point and laugh or giggle and look away.

His comment though made me think about motherhood again. Throughout the day, I saw so many kids and parents. Some were doing errands. Some were at the park enjoying the weather. So many adults are out there with newborns. How did they dive in? Did they bypass the apprehension and the fear or did they go through what I’m going through?

I was reminded again this morning as I visited a colleague who’s wife is about to pop. They are having twins. How can he be so calm? After they found out they were going to have twins, his wife said they needed to sell their brand new home and buy a bigger one. He’s been busy since buying and selling their new home fixing it up that he hasn’t had a free weekend in awhile. Sure he complained the kids weren’t in the world yet and they’ve already monopolized his free time but aside from that, he’s rather calm.

Someone asked me if I was apprehensive about parenthood because my relationship with my mother. No. I love my mom and although we have issues and she wasn’t the mom you’d see on television, she was my mom and I’d like to say she played a part in who I am today. She did the best she could for a young woman in a new country. She raised me like a younger sister and that gave me many fond memories. If I were to have children, I doubt I’d raise them the same way but heck, it doesn’t mean it was wrong.

My fears are really selfish fears. Change in lifestyle. Change in priorities. Responsibilities to others not just myself and my husband. And what if I can’t provide my child with the best possible advantages. “Stop being self-centered. Any child we have will be loved beyond loved and we’ll give him/her the best we can give them. There are children out there desperate for the simple things and you’re afraid we can’t afford private school?” Lrudlrick said during a moment of extreme clarity.

I know he’s right.