Tuesday, April 26, 2005

"We all know that crap is king"

Since I spend most of my day at work listening to LuxTV, Hubby’s news feed, I get inundated with a lot of news segments. Some are good and informative. Others are clearly a desperate attempt to fill airtime.
My husband has programmed some gems. My favorites are the rush hour NY1 broadcasts, the Daily Show re-airings and the BBC World News broadcast. Sure, NY1 cycles faster than the New Orleans tram but it’s comforting.
The worst offenders of ‘news filler’ are the big Cable news networks, FoxNews, MSNBC and CNN. CNN isn’t as gossipy as the first two but they are known to milk a topic dry. Clear example is the election of the pope. Now, I agree this is a newsworthy item. However, an hour long discussion on the color of the smoke was totally unnecessary, especially since I was in dire need of the restroom facilities. I fidgeted at my desk for well over an hour so I wouldn’t be the one person that answered, “Where were you when?” with “In the loo.”
In the last few weeks, I have been thrown some non-newsworthy items.

Here are some things that are deemed newsworthy that I have no desire to follow:

1. Michael Jackson and his affinity for boys
Vaseline, swim trunks and double locks. Too much information already planted into my brain.

2. Brad, Jen, Angelin and Maddox
I don’t care who was frolicking with whom. Why should anyone else? BTW, Maddox, be thankful you aren’t Apple or Pilot Inspektor.

3. Martha Stewart and The Party
I don’t care if she did go to Time Magazine’s shindig. However, I would like to know if she accessorized appropriately. She’s lucky the current fashion trend is mixed metals.

4. Body parts in fast food
Firstly, this Ayala chick is nuts. Secondly, the focus should not be on the chili but where she got the finger in the first place. She’s been in custody forever and no one has yet claimed a missing digit nor has law enforcement been able to ascertain it’s owner. Adrian Monk was able to determine the owner of a pinkie was a violinist. I think it's time to call in Monk, folks.
BTW, apparently someone else is missing a piece of his hand. A man found a fleshy portion of a thumb in his burger at another fast food establishment. Yummy.

Oh, and Lisa Marie, you need to practice that wannabe snarl. Daddy's probably smacking himself watching you try to be all sexy and snarly. Grab a Vegas Elvis and ask for a quick lesson.